Don't Mess With Me Missy

Things have been relatively calm around here lately. Waist High came to town, I wooed her with my fish tacos and pico de gallo and she went home without hurting me in any way. Things changed quickly, however, after she returned to her beloved drought infested home in Portland. The very next day I received an email full of curse words and threats demanding I provide her the recipe for my extra special fish tacos and pico de gallo. I know she lives very far away, but she can be really intimidating and I’m just a helpless little girl, so I felt I had no choice but to send her my secret ingredients. She is the only other person on this planet that knows my special secret, so if I ever hear of a Bake Town’s Fish Taco stand in Portland, we’ll know who to blame.

So (as Chuck likes to say) ANYWAYS, shortly after I sent her my recipe she sent me this photo.

I’m not sure if that’s left over pico or if she screwed up my fish tacos so bad that someone threw up. Either way, I felt the picture was pretty disgusting and way too much information.

So, next time you want to make fun of me for bragging about my press pass, just remember this Waist High…I have photographic evidence that you tried to kill someone.

I miss KAFY

They’ve got some cool Bakersfield stuff on eBay lately.

Especially if you’re in the market to buy a house.

Bumper Crops

There’s an article in the Business section of the paper today describing Kern County’s 2004 crop production. The first line of the article reads, “The value of Kern County’s crops skyrocketed 26.5 percent in 2004 over the previous year – reaching a record $3.1 billion.” I was surprised to learn this, considering what used to be farmland is now predominantly tract homes.

Kern County used to be American’s breadbasket. Now it seems like we’re more of a wastebasket.

Bakersport

There’s a picture on the front page of the paper today showing a huge skylight in the new terminal they’re building at Meadow’s Field. I don’t know how I missed this, but had no idea they were building a new terminal. I know it’s needed but I kinda hate to see the old one go. I like the retro vibe it has. Maybe they can keep it around and use the building for something else. The new terminal looks like it’s going to be pretty cool. It’ll be nice to have a real airport for change. Maybe they’ll even come up with a new name.

Meadows Field sounds nice, but isn’t it a little redundant?

W.U.D.

Here comes the storm...do do do do do
Here comes the storm and I say, it's alright.

I Don't Do Autographs

Check this out. My celebrity status has brought me an offer to rub shoulders with the theater types out there. I received an email from a nice lady named Judy inviting me to attend a Special Media Appreciation Sneak Preview at the Bakersfield Community Theater tomorrow night. (She must have read my post about my Press Pass.)

The invite includes a FREE sneak preview of their presentation of the Rocky Horror Show and there will be a wine and cheese reception from 7:00 – 7:30. Free wine? I’m so there. No wait – I already have plans to go to the Rory Block show with the tickets that were given to me for FREE by Bakotopia.

I don’t know what Jennifer Aniston’s problem is. Being a celebrity rules.

Sons Update

Defense attorneys for Bruce Sons scored some points yesterday in court when they managed to get a ballistics expert to say Maxwell may have fired off the first shot. According to the article during the first trial, “the expert said that Maxwell fired at least three shots from his .40-caliber handgun before Sons fired his shotgun. Maxwell ended up emptying his gun before Sons shot him in the face, hands, and chest with a shotgun.” Keep in mind this all took place in the middle of the day in a relatively nice neighborhood.

The only thing missing from this shoot out is a horse tied to a water trough.

Avoid 19th & Eye

This is kind of funny… Yesterday just as KGET’s reporter Tisha Lewis was filing a live report on downtown violence, a fight broke out behind her. Three men beat one other man with a rake and a shovel. What the hell? A rake & a shovel??

According to the news report, the fight happened right across the street from the former Downtown Joe’s. There must be some kind of weird, angry ghost haunting that area. Just walking down the street makes me want to hit someone.

This fight didn’t have anything to do with bars or drinking. Apparently someone said something someone else didn’t take kindly. It is also apparent that the 3 men were gardeners since the get away car was a white truck pulling a gardening trailer.

Now that rake and shovel make perfect sense.

Chuck's Comments

I was talking to Chuck yesterday and some how the topic of dreaming and nightmares came up. He started telling me how he frequently has dreams where he’s fighting with someone and sometimes he’ll cuss in his sleep. While I was laughing at him he told me, “You can feel free to NOT blog about that.” To which I replied “Oh, I am SO gonna blog about that.” His response was, “You suck. I’m going to stop talking to you if you keep doing that.”

I think I may have found a new semi-regular feature.

Finally

A reader with some USEFUL information. The problem was I was looking for something called the Beer Fest. It's actually called the "Festival of Beers." Doesn't that sound nice?

Click here for more info.

Random Thoughts

I heard that the Beer Fest is this Saturday at Stramler Park but I cannot find one word of information about it in the paper or online. What’s up with that? Bree swears that it really is this weekend and she’s trying to get me to go with her but the tickets are 40 bucks and if there has been NO advertising going on, I doubt anyone is going to be there. Of course, that does mean more beer for me.

----

More of Chuck’s Comments…
“I actually like the idea of pissing people off more than having them go “right on” cause that just seems like it’d be a lot more fun.”

My Thoughts

The "Happiest/Saddest" city report recently published in Men's Health magazine has a lot of people talking. More than a handful of people are aghast that Bakersfield made the top ten of the "happiest cities" to live in.

First of all, I think we all need to put into perspective the scope of the report. It was based solely on the number of people taking antidepressants and the number of suicides. Those statistics don't really have anything to do with how "happy" people are. I doubt there is even a gauge available to measure something like that.

The report has spawned a rash of bashing. Dan the man from Bakotopia pointed out a couple of blogs where people had jumped on the bashing bandwagon. As a person involved with the community but not from here, he asked me. "Why do people love to hate Bakersfield?" What a great question. I don't know if I have the answer or not, but I do have a theory.

First of all, there are plenty of reasons to dislike this place. The summer heat is out of control, the winter fog is depressing, the air quality is border line criminal, and we have more than our fair share of narrow minded, red neck, small town people living in these here parts. That's the truth.

Nonetheless, that is not the end of the story. First of all, I have been to cities across the U.S. that are not unlike Bakersfield. Boise, Idaho and Spokane, Washington come to mind. They are largeish, “small towns” full of conservative minded cowboys with little to offer in the way of entertainment or culture. Let’s be realistic here. There are many, MANY more cities in this country that fit that M.O. than the other "sophisticated, cultured, artsy" places we all know and love. As far as I’m concerned we all need cities like Bakersfield. As ugly, unpleasant, bass akwards, and un-cool as it may be, this is where most Americans live.

If it’s so god awful, why do so many people live here? And why are so many people from L.A moving here? I think it’s because it is actually, despite the drawbacks, a great place to live. The housing is affordable. Most of the people living here are married and raising their children, so it’s very family/community oriented. It’s a hop, skip and a jump from L.A., the coast and most of the best travel spots in the state. But most importantly, the people that you meet here and the friendships that you make are genuine.

I was just talking to my friend Bree about this. She has lived all over the place, and she is the person who likes to refer to this town as Bakerstucky. But as we spoke, she said to me, as much as she dislikes so many aspects of this town, that she has met the “most beautiful people here.” Good people. People who care and will always be there. I know people not from here, who lived here just a short while, but that still come back to visit and remember fondly the good times that they had here.

So yeah – ain't all that. Like I said before, we can't all be Santa Barbarba. There are some things that suck about this town, but there are also many things that do not. As far as I'm concerned, the biggest problem is not the bad air, hot summers, and overwhelming conservative presence.

It is the people who continue to perpetuate the idea that Bakersfield is the armpit of California.

Chuck's Comments

I was talking to Chuck earlier and he was asking about my blog. He’s only read it a few times and he knows I talk about him sometimes. He has decided he’s not going to read my blog because he likes not knowing. (Yeah, he’s pretty strange)

So out of the blue he tells me that I need to blog about all of the “fatties all over the place.” He then went on to rant about how there are more fat women in this town than any place he has ever seen and how you can’t walk down the street without seeing at least 10 of them. At one point he told me sometimes he wants to grab one of them and ask “At what point did you lose track of what is going on with your body?” From there he went on to tell me that he doesn’t “ever want to see a pair of low-rise jeans again. It’s just not worth it. Half shirts and low-rise jeans are a privilege, not a right.”

There does seem to be some strange phenomenon going on in Bakersfield. We have a formidable number of young women wearing shirts that are too small with jeans that are too low. There is only a finite number of girls out that there for whom this look is flattering. Most of the girls I see have a healthy layer of fat bulging out. Even my son has commented on how so many girls walk around sporting this look. It is baffling.

I mean, I’m all for a healthy self-esteem and I’m not saying that women need to be thin to be attractive. But really… somebody needs to tell these girls, “No, that look is SO not okay.”

Happy to be Here

Robert Price has some interesting information in his column today. He wrote about the article in Rolling Stone attacking D.A. Ed Jagels and informed us that all copies of the magazine sold out within minutes of being released. According to the article, Jagels response to the Rolling Stone piece was, “I’m not going to worry much about what a dope magazine has to say about me” to which Price replied, “Maybe Jagels is confusing Rolling Stone with High Times. Speaking of which, it’s high time we all acknowledge Jagel’s talent for the effortless, if not always completely accurate barb.” I like Robert Price.

The other interesting bit of information he shared is that according to Men’s Health Magazine, Bakersfield is one of the happiest cities in the United States. The results were determined by sales of anti-depressants and number of suicides among other things. According to the magazine, Laredo Texas is the happiest city, Fresno is the 7th happiest city and Bakersfield is the 10th. My friend Chuck says Fresno is like Bakersfield’s older, uglier, stepsister.

I think Fresno is pretty much just like Bakersfield except they have more crime and a Whole Foods.

Edit or Not to Edit

As most of you know, I read the paper a lot. It doesn’t happen every day, but for the most part I read the entire local section, including the letters to the editor. I have often noticed that some of the people who write these letters do not appear to have a strong grasp of the English language. Some are borderline illiterate. In a letter today, one woman wrote about Day Light Savings time that, “It should be put on ballot for citizens to vote on as to whether Californians want or not.” Is this person a cave man?

I showed the letter to my friend DD and we wondered why the paper doesn’t edit the letters so the people who submit them don’t sound so dumb. That’s when I noticed a little blurb under the caption “Readers write.” Part of it reads, “The Californian reserves the right to edit and re-print contributed commentary in any format…”

I assume this means the actual letter was written rather eloquently and this is the result of the edit.

Memorializing Maxwell

There’s more information on the Sons trial in the paper today. Prosecutors have lined up a bunch of people to testify that they heard Sons' shotgun go off before Maxwell’s handgun. Sons keeps trying to convince everyone it was self-defense but I can’t see how that is the case if he took out a shotgun and blew the guy away. I think it’s pretty clear what happened – one hot headed man met another hot headed man and things got out of control.

I have no doubt Maxwell was aggressive and belligerent and I also have no doubt Sons was aggressive and belligerent right back. It is very unfortunate that the cosmos brought these two men together.

The thing that does confuse me, however, is why they named a portion of Golden State Hwy after Maxwell. The CHP knew he had a record of escalating situations and other shady crap, but when he was killed they acted like he was some big hero. What’s up with that?

And while I’m at it, why is it that the former Assistant District Attorney Stephen Tauzer is the only one getting blamed for withholding evidence in the first trial? At least one or two of the officers that testified MUST have known what kind of cop he was but all they did was boo hoo over their lost comrade. That’s pretty shady if you ask me.

Just out of curiosity I drove onto the Golden State Hwy a couple of days ago to see if someone had removed the memorial to Maxwell after it came out that wasn’t really a super cop after all.

It’s still there. The “Richard Allen Maxwell – Memorial Interchange” brought a little tear to my eye.

Dude Seriously Needs a Make Over

If Benny Carl Johnston Jr. is as smart as he is attractive, he’s in big trouble. When I saw him I literally jumped back. The paper has a picture of him in the local section today along with an article describing how he led police on a high-speed car chase yesterday, caused two police cars to crash into each other and was shot at several times. It’s amazing that he’s still alive. As the paper pointed out, “Bakersfield police officers shot at eight people in 2004 and hit their targets six times.”

Johnston got away and is still wandering around out there somewhere. He is wanted for methamphetamine possession (I would have never guessed), parole violation, auto theft, resisting arrest, and assault with a deadly weapon on a police officer.

Clearly he is being framed.

Speaking of Dirty Minds

There’s an article in the local section today about an event planned at CSUB that had been coined “The Beaver Hunt.” The fraternity Kappa Sigma planned a scavenger hunt for April 29 and in a typical frat boy move, decided to make a beaver their mascot. According to the article a beaver is defined in the dictionary as, “Both a large rodent that chews trees and a vulgar term for the female sex organ.” (I can just imagine all the old folks out there reading the paper this morning getting to that part of the article and having their eyes pop out of their head.)

An Assistant Professor at the school saw a poster advertising the event and decided that she was offended so she started writing letters and now it’s just going to called “The Hunt.” Given that it IS a fund-raising event, it’s probably not going to be as easy to make money now.

I imagine a lot more guys are interested in participating in a beaver hunt than they are a scavenger hunt.

Save the Children!!

The big news in yesterday’s paper had to be the article on the front page of the local section with the headline, “Lesbian mother wins custody battle.” I could almost hear the screams coming from all the people getting ready for church who were probably just sitting down to eat their Cheerio’s only to find such disturbing information.

According to the article, “The two children – a girl, then 13, and her brother, then 11 – were taken from their father’s home last summer and put in foster care.” I find this statement confusing. The children were living with their father but they were taken from him and placed in foster care because their mom is gay? (Oops, sorry – I meant yag.) I read the entire article twice trying to figure it out and I never did. Obviously there is some information missing from this article.

Nevertheless, it is clear that Kern County Superior Court Judge Richard J. Oberholzer does not listen to Elton John or Boy George. Oberholzer is quoted as saying, “I don’t care what the new generation is saying about we have to accept this. And you know what? I don’t know that people have to accept it, especially children, when it’s going to have a detrimental effect on their life and they’ve expressed a desire not, initially, to go into that type of environment.” Right on Judge! Way to be unbiased and impartial!!

What does “that type of environment” mean? Do homosexuals have different environments? Do they have their own little ecosystems or is it more like a Terrarium?
Does the judge think that this woman does nothing but dance around the house to Madonna oozing gayness all over the place?

As if all of this isn’t bad enough someone had the bright idea to ask Pastor/KHSD Trustee Chad Vegas to share his opinion of the case. Vegas responded that he didn’t think that children should be taken from their parents just because one is gay, but then he added “I also think our society needs to be careful not to say every lifestyle choice is valid and good.”

That’s funny cuz I was thinking the same thing about him last time I saw him.

Oh yeah....

KGET ran a story last week about a couple that are suing the owner of Downtown Joe’s. According to the lawsuit, Michael and Amanda Acosta were in the bar when a fight broke out. The bouncer mistakenly thought Michael was involved in the fight so he broke his arm and threw him on to the street, which broke his nose. Again, according to the lawsuit, Michael landed at the feet of a Policeman, who did nothing. Oh yeah, and Clear Channel Radio is also culpable because KISS-FM was there doing a live remote and inviting people in. (Huh?)

Apparently all this happened last year but the whole thing slipped their minds until recently when Daniel Sepeda was killed.

Cops on Bikes

On the way to work the other day I saw a couple of cops on bicycles. I’m sure they are needed and effective, but for some reason I always think it’s funny to see a cop on a bike. They just don’t look very intimidating in those kooky helmets and riding shorts. I can’t help but laugh when I imagine a cop pedaling furiously trying to pull over car panting, ‘Stop! Police! Stop! Please stop.’ So you can understand why this line in the paper caught my eye this morning – “Bike officers caught suspected pirate Sunday at a swap meet.”

The article describes how Sheriffs “Noticed three people acting suspiciously and trying to blend in with the crowd” and ran when they were approached. One of the three was caught and arrested for possessing pirated DVD movies.

You gotta be pretty stupid to not be able to look normal in a swap meet crowd. Somebody else must have pirated those movies for him.


This is totally unrelated, but I'm going to toss it out there anyway. Someone wrote a letter to the paper about the Borba dairy and ended it with "One way or another the dairy-air coming from the cow's derrieres will be noticeable to everyone. Cow-nt on it." If they hadn't published the author's name I would have thought my dad wrote it.

Strangest New Search Strings

strangest place to pee

And

laci peterson trader joe's bread

And

Bakersfield CA- white trash places

Hoops EXTREME!

I stopped by the Bakotopia booth this morning to say hello and see how things were going. I got there early, so they were still just setting up, but I did catch JR taking a break. Jonah showed up shortly with string and scissors for the balloons. I tried to catch people's attention by hucking a squishy ball at them, but I'm afraid I'm not a very good shot. JR likened my performance to watching the Three Stooges. This is a picture of JR giving a friendly peace sign. Hey... wait a minute! Doesn't that mean somethng else in Europe?

I'm looking forward to working the booth tomorrow - even if I DO have to be there at the butt crack of dawn.

W.U.D.

The weather continues to be completely insane. Yesterday it suddenly turned cold, dumped a bunch of rain and then the wind started blowing like crazy. The wind reached speeds of 41 mph, but from looking at it inside the house, it seemed much faster. Above and below are pictures of two very old trees at Jastro Park that were damaged in the wind.

The storm is expected to continue today and tomorrow, but right now it is bright and beautiful so I'm going outside to work in the yard.

How ConVENient

According to an article in the paper today over half of the students at Liberty High School did not attend school last Wednesday. Rumors of someone coming to school and shooting it up Columbine style had begun spreading the week before. School officials checked into it and decided there was nothing to worry about. Then The Californian ran a small article saying the rumors were not true. All hell broke lose after that and now the paper has an article questioning whether the media attention is detrimental or not. They questioned school employees, parents and students and had quotes from all of them.

The one thing NO body mentions was that last Wednesday was April 20th. 4/20. Ring a bell? I bet there were more kids out of school for that reason than the other.

Added note - If any of you are wondering what I'm talking about I suggest you go here.

That's Jagels, Not Jagger

Rolling Stone is not a fan of Bakersfield D.A. Ed Jagels. In fact they dislike him so much the current issue of the magazine features an article all about Jagels and how bad he is. According to the paper today, the author, Kimberley Sevcik, calls Jagels. “A subdued man with a prepubescent stamp collector’s build” and talks about everything from the Lords of Bakersfield rumors to his child molestation convicitons in the 1980's.

If a dead friend and a drug addicted wife wasn’t enough to kill his career, I think this article just might do the trick.

Lookin' Forward

The Eye Street section of the paper is full of news about the formerly named Freak Fest this weekend. They've changed the name to Spring Fest and it's been moved from McFarland to Bakersfield. The picture on the cover of Eye Street shows some pretty scary looking guys. (I can't help but think the name Freak Fest may be more appropriate.) For $30 bucks you can see 50 bands play at either The Dome or Stramler Park. Most of the bands are what I call screamers – death metal, hard-core metal and the like. Some of the bands are a little lighter, described as pop punk. The only band playing I've seen before is The Filthies, who I love, but I'm really interested in checking out some of the others. Unfortunately, I do not think I am going to be able to make it this year.

At the same time Spring Fest is going on the Hoops Extreme event will be happening at the civic. I'm planning on working the booth for Bakotopia at least one day. Also, on Saturday there is the Wine Fest, which my mom said she could get me a ticket for. Clearly this is going to be an eventful weekend for me.

Who says there's nothing to do in this town?

Hit & No Miss

There are four separate incidents reported in the paper today where someone was hit by a car. The strangest one happened Tuesday when a man who apparently has seen Dodge Ball too many times crashed his car on Hwy 99 then got out and began to try to run across the road. He was hit by a car and died instantly. How crazy would that be to be driving home after a day in LA and all of the sudden some dude ran out in front of your car?

I have seen a couple of people hit by cars in the past. It is not a pretty sight. The worst one was in Mexico. I didn’t see what happened, but we drove up just a taxi driver was getting out of his car, the wind shield was all smashed in and then we saw the guy in front of the car. Ew! His body was twisted in ways bodies are not meant to be twisted. Dude totally looked dead. Awful.

The first time I saw someone get hit by a car I was 17 years old. I was pumping gas at the Mobil station on the corner of Stine & Wilson, right by K-Mart. The convenience store had two entrances one facing west and the other facing south. I was on the west side so I was oblivious to all the action going on around the corner. Some pervy guy was standing near the door proudly displaying his pee pee for all to see. After about 10 or 15 minutes of checking out his package the clerks inside finally called the cops.

When the perv saw the cops, he pulled up his pants and took off running. Innocently filling my tank nearby, I became aware of the situation when suddenly I heard a man yell. “STOP! Police!” I looked up just in time to see the man run right in front of car. The person driving the car didn’t even have a split second to hit the brakes and he must have been doing at least 30 mph. When the car hit the man he flew up into the air a good 20 feet, came back down, bounced off the back of the car and went splat onto the pavement. I promise you, I was more than a little freaked out. That is the last thing you expect to see when your pumping gas near K-Mart. I went inside to collect my change and inquire about what the hell was going on. That’s when I learned about the schlong show.

I never did find out what happened with that man.

Report Retort

The Bakersfield Californian shared some of the results of a recent report made by the Kern County Network for Children in the paper today.

Here are a few interesting facts found in the report:

“Black children under the age of 1 suffered abuse more than children from any other major ethnic group in 2003.” (How sad.)

“Drug abuse and single parenting are two significant factors that may contribute to the high rate.” (Ya think?)

“Overall, child abuse rates in Kern County have risen slightly since 1998.” (These people need to be shot.)

“High School drop out rates have also taken a nose dive in the past 10 years, dropping from 7.2% in 93-94 to 3.6% in 02-03.” (Wow – I’m surprised by this one.)

“The average Kern County resident has a per capita income of about $16,000 compared to the average Californian with $24,000.” (Dang – we’s po.)

“Calls to law enforcement involving domestic violence had jumped 31% since 1998.” (That’s probably just me calling the cops on my ghetto neighbors.)

Drug Busted!

The tweekers in town must be worried. Federal, state and local law enforcement have been working for five years to bust a huge methamphetamine ring and yesterday they finally did it. Fifteen people in Kern County were arrested and another man in L.A. The Carrizoza family has been importing the drugs from Mexico and distributing them from here.

You learn something new every day. I thought all the crack heads lived in Taft.

Saving Father Garces

The big news in today’s paper is the proposed idea to move the Father Garces statue. Caltrans is planning on rebuilding Hwy 204, which passes over the statue, and they are worried that the construction could damage it. Caltrans anticipates a strong reaction from the community. Kathy Moore, owner of Books, Books, Etc located near the circle, was quoted as saying, “To me, that is Bakersfield. I love that guy.”

According to the article, the statue was created by the sculptor John Paulo-Kangas and first unveiled in 1939. Father Garces is 22 feet tall and is made from a 24 ton block of Indiana limestone. The padre was originally set in the center of the circle but was moved when Hwy 204 was constructed in 1956. I thought this was interesting, apparently there are some people out here that say they have seen, “The statue’s hands and lips move in blessing just before nasty accidents happen on the roundabout.” I wish I could see him do that. That’d be freaky.

The executive director of the Bakersfield Museum of Art called the statue a piece of art and described it as, “A piece of the city’s historical and cultural soul.” I think that may be going a little overboard. How many of you have ever been anywhere near that statue? Trying to cross the street to get to it would be dangerous to say the least. As we all know people around here simply can’t figure out how to navigate that damn circle.

Chris Brewer, the Caltrans architectural historian, said that Kern County Superintendent Museum is one place they could move the man to but that they are open to suggestions. Seems to me the museum is the only place that makes sense. Where else is he going to go - in front of Vons? They could do some thing cool like knock down the old Zody’s building and make a little Garces statue park, but then we’d be losing another historical and cultural icon.

What ever they decide to do you can bet your bippy that folks around here are going to get all riled up about it. After all, what else is there do?

Follow Up

The anonymous woman who left a comment regarding my post about Bruce Sons made a great point. Mr. Sons was no girl scout. I knew this and did not make it a part of my post mostly because I was just lazy. As I said in my reply to her, I in NO WAY meant to imply that Richard Maxwell ‘got what he deserved.’ As a matter of fact, when my brother told me his story and I questioned him as to way he did not contact the authorities he explained that after Sons killed Maxwell he did some research and had decided that Sons was a total scum-bag. Knowing nothing else about the incident but trusting his opinion, I am sure that there is definitely ANOTHER side to this story.

Thanks to Anon for making that point.

W.U.D.

The weather continues to be amazing. A picture on the front page of the local section shows fields of yellow wild flowers and the article says that the beautiful weather is expected to continue.

Reading the blog of one of my very opinionated friends lately, I couldn’t help but agree with him as wondered why anyone would settle in this “God forsaken place” and then speculated that “They must have arrived in March.”

Then again, The Spring is a great time of year no matter where you live.

War? What War?

KGET ran a story yesterday about a woman who is outraged that someone stole her patriotic paraphernalia from the front yard. Donna Smith is quoted as saying, “Having two sons in the United States military, which is the Army, I want everyone to know that I proudly stand by them and what they're doing,” Wait – what? You mean the Navy isn’t part of the United States military? What about the Marines? I imagine they would be surprised to learn that.

Smith’s son Spec. Jesse Burnham said he believes a group of teenagers stole the stuff and that he thinks they were politically motivated. “That's what I figured, they were protesters, anti-war, so they just wanted to take down what was being flagged,” he said.

I don’t know if Mr. Burnham just skipped adolescence and went straight into the military or what but the teenagers I know don’t give a rat’s ass about politics. Hell, they probably don’t even know a war is going on. Some punk kid just probably thought it’d be funny.

After seeing the story on TV last night I’m starting to agree.

Huh??

Daryl Larsen wrote a letter to The Californian to share his opinion about our escalating gas prices. He starts his letter by stating, “I love cookies” and then describes how a bakery in town is selling three cookies for $2.39 but he won’t be buying any because the gas prices are so high.

Larsen ends his letter by saying, “Since the gas companies won’t give us a break, I thought perhaps the cookie makers would think about it. I love cookies.”

Round Two

The retrial of Bruce Sons began yesterday. For those of you not familiar with the case, Sons was convicted of murdering CHP Officer Richard Maxwell on July 11, 1994. Sons claimed he killed Maxwell in self-defense and that the cop had threatened him and his son. Jurors didn’t buy it so off to prison he went. Then in 2003 his conviction was overturned when it was discovered Maxwell had problems with his temper and had numerous complaints about his aggressive behavior. Prosecutors conveniently forgot to mention that fact during the first trial.

The reason I mention all this is because I remember that when the incident first happened and was being reported on the news my brother told me that he had a run in with that same cop and that he was a total A-hole. Ed said the officer came flying up behind him, got right on his tail and turned the siren on. After my brother pulled over the officer demanded that he exit the vehicle and then began an angry tirade about safe driving. Ed’s car had a taillight out and he was not going to let him get away with it. Screaming into his face he accused Ed of drinking and driving, cheating on his taxes and forgetting to change his underwear. Stunned and afraid of what might happen to him in prison, my brother took note of the officer’s name - Richard Maxwell.

It will be interesting to see how the trial goes this time around.

R.I.P.

There’s an article in the paper today about Jason Sutton, the man who was attacked the same night the madness happened at Downtown Joe’s. Jason, a 24 year old expectant father, was beaten by two teenagers, “With a 30-inch chain that had seven padlocks attached.” Who in the hell walks around with something like that? That’s crazy.

Friends and family of Sutton described him as, “A beautiful human being.” My heart goes out to them.

Time to Waste Time

Indigenous Geek and his introduction of the Pope name generator (mine is Pope Unspeakable Ralph XI) led me to discover Kevin Kelm’s website.

If you like silly, bathroom humor you’re gonna love this.

Watch Out!

The headline on the front page of the paper today announced, “Cameras catch over 10,135 drivers.” According to the article computerized cameras installed two years ago at various intersections around town have caught over ten thousand people running red lights. Good Lord! We only have six intersections with cameras. What must be going on at the hundreds of intersections without cameras?

It’s frightening, really.

Park & Ride

There was an article in the paper last week about how residents in many of the new housing developments are upset because developers have not built the parks they were promised. Instead of rolling green grass and sparkling playground equipment the neighborhood is left with a field of weeds.

I can understand why these people would be upset, especially considering they coughed up as much as $600 a piece to pay for the parks. I’d be wondering where in the hell my park was too. But I think it’s funny that these people are acting like if there is no park there won’t be a place for their children to play. Do these track homes not have yards?

I spent many hours playing in the dirt fields surrounding my childhood home. I loved it. There was always something to explore or some treasure to discover. There were all kinds of bugs and plants and weeds to look at. I had a front yard and a back yard full of grass. I liked the dirt fields.

Not having a park anywhere near my house made a trip to the park a special event. I think the closest was Patriot's Park and that wasn’t built until I was a little older. I was young enough to be excited over the spiral slides. I also remember going to the park over by South High that had a huge metal Robot slide. That was cool.

The best part of any park has got to be the swings. When I was little I would push as hard as I could to fly higher and higher until my heart would jump as I felt myself lift off of the seat. Then I would swing slower again until I reached what I thought to be a reasonable height so I could leap out and crash into the sand. I ate a lot of sand doing that.

The weather has been beautiful. I think I’ll go to the park and play on the swings.

Come together.

I went to Narducci’s last Saturday night to see The Dalloways. I’ve been hearing good things about them and now I know why. I really enjoyed their sound. The place was packed and it was clear they had everyone’s full attention. I also saw Johnny Come Lately and they were great as well. I’m definitely going to keep my eyes peeled so I can catch more shows with these two bands.

As an added bonus I finally got to meet Enrique and I promise you, he is as yummy in person as he appears on his blog. Delish! I had a lovely time chatting with him and Matildakay and Noveltown.

We need to get together more often!

Tackiest Lines Taken from Today's Paper

"As Danny Sepeda's mourners placed the big man in the ground on Saturday, they had one request. "They don't want no B.S."

AND

"As Amazing Grace played, some in the crowd cried, hugged and sipped from oversized beers."

AND

"Later, the men around the casket toasted Sepeda and poured beer over the blue flowers on top of it."

Duh!

I broke my cell phone last night. I dropped it from the second floor of a building onto concrete. (No. I did not do it on purpose. It slipped out of my hands as I tried to open it.) The phone still works, but the LCD screen is shattered so I can’t see anything like my phone list or who is calling me. Given that I have not memorized anyone’s phone number since the sixth grade; it makes it kind of hard to call people.

So, I went online to see what I need to do to replace my phone with a new one and after a bunch of clicking on useless links I found a Frequently Asked Questions link directly related to phones. As I read through the list of FAQ I was surprised to see one question in particular.

How do I use my phone?

I Don't Feel the Earth Move

Chuck just called me and asked what I thought about the earthquake we had earlier today. “We had an earth quake?” I replied. I don’t know how or why I didn’t feel it but I didn’t notice anything happening at 12:18 today. A 5.1 earthquake hit about 25 miles south of town. Chuck said all the furniture at his work was shaking like crazy. Not one thing moved at my house.

Chuck accused me of being weird for not feeling the earthquake. Then he proceeded to tell me how he gets nauseous every time there’s an earthquake and thinks he is going to throw up. That is too funny.

Come on now, who’s the weirdo around here?

Kooky Kid

Driving down the road with my son this morning I was singing along to the Squeeze song Tempted when my son turned to me and sang at just the right time, "Tempted by a good Nutter Butter." Then still straight faced said, "That's how fat people sing it."

Is it any wonder I love this kid?

Eat a Burrito for the Homeless Day.

This is kinda cool. I just found out that the Girl Scouts are holding a “hygiene drive” for the folks at the Bakersfield Rescue mission. It’s funny if you think about it…a bunch of little Girl Scouts walking in and going “You stink. Here’s some soap.”

Anyway, they’re asking people to bring in any type of hygiene product like toothpaste or shampoo and lots of soap and deodorant. They need lots of deodorant. All day tomorrow Chipotle will give you a free burrito for what ever it is you bring in. (I wonder if toilet paper counts. I’ve got lots of that.)

This sounds like a pretty good deal to me cuz those Chipotle burritos are huge. I could eat off of one of them suckers for a week and still not put a dent in it.

Happy Trails IS Here!

There was an article in the Business section of the paper about a month ago about a new store in town called Happy Trails. I saved the paper to post about it because I thought the shop looked pretty cool, but then I never got around to it. (If you only knew how much you don’t know. I would have to quit my job and give up my child in order to post about everything that is postable.) Then today DD told me she is a friend of a friend of the owner of Happy Trails and that I should blog about it. So here I am. I take direction very well.

Gretchen McMann-Chapman grew up in Bakersfield but moved to San Francisco and opened a successful business there. After having kids she (like many, many before her) was sucked back into the Black Hole, oops – I mean, decided to move back to Bakersfield. Bakersfield is a great place to raise kids which explains why there are so many of the little boogers running around. It’s madness, really.

Anyway, back to my point, the store is a retro-themed novelty shop and has all kinds of wacky, cool, interesting stuff you can’t find in Bako. People have tried in the past to smuggle the stuff in from LA but they were stopped at the County line and made to turn around. So this store is REALLY special. I can’t wait to check it out.

Unfortunately it’s located out in the Northwest Promenade, which means I have to drive down Rosedale Hwy to get there and I would rather eat glass.

Fiesta Del Sol

A friend of mine sent me an email the other day encouraging me to attend the Fiesta Del Sol this upcoming April 29th. The event is being organized by The Junior League of Bakersfield in an effort to raise money for women and children in need. The Fiesta Del Sol will be held at Stramler Park and for just $30 bucks you get a meal catered by El Adobe Restaurant and automatic entry into the hourly raffles. Plus they’re going to have live music and silent auctions. The Margarita’s and beers will be flowing as well. So there ya go. Go get drunk in the park for a good cause.

Tickets are available here.

I'm Having a Hot (News) Flash

I learned for the first time today that since 1990 there have been plans to build another “cross town” freeway south of Bakersfield. According to The Californian, “The South Beltway, as the future freeway is known, will link drivers on Interstate 5 through to Highway 58, east of Bakersfield.” I had no idea there was talk of building such a freeway. (Then again, I only started paying close attention to local news last year.) Of course, there is a snag. Borba dairy owners, who are planning to build a big, stinky cow farm south of town, are asking that the plans be changed and that the decision to build the freeway be postponed until, “Some studies are done.” Suck my butt Borba. As it is the project won’t be completed until 2020. That’s THIRTY years of planning and building. Good Lord.

Unless it involves closing down a pool it seems hard to get anything done around here.
_

Former Sheriff Carl Sparks and Kern County are dukeing it out. Last year it was annouced that the County sued Sparks and others saying that they “Approved unauthorized “premium” pay for seven commanders for working holidays, being on-call, SWAT training and other things” and demanded the money back. (Cuz ya know, demanding money is always a good way to handle things.) Sparks and the others countersued, “Saying they’d earned the money” and that the County is a big cry baby. (OK – I added that last part.)

According to Sparks (who looks just like the sweet, little, old man next door) he contacted William Kuhs, the attorney representing the County, and, “Offered to talk to the supervisors about the pay and publicly apologize for not taking it to them for an okay.”

Kuhs reply was somewhere along the lines of ‘Put up or Shut up Bitch.’
_

Large groups of West High (and other) students were completely quiet in school yesterday. No they were not too stoned to speak. They were protesting discrimination by participating in a national youth movement called “Day of Silence.” Obviously a high school teacher came up with this plan. (It’s too bad someone didn’t come up with the idea when Waist High was there.) That reminds me…Poop for Peace Day on April 15^th is just around the corner! You can’t let my son down. He’s going BLIND for heaven’s sake!

The movement was organized by the Gay (YAG!), Lesbian (NAIBSEL!) and Straight (NORMAL!) Education Network. Participating students wore T-shirts bearing quotes from Martin Luther King Jr., littered the campus with cards explaining what they were doing and “Papered the campus with posters.” Interestingly enough an opposing national conservative group is organizing a “Day of Truth” event in response. So far, “There (are) no Bakersfield high schools signed up to participate.” Once this article runs, however, I imagine they will be showing up in droves.

Once each side is done, the national Keep America Beautiful committee will sponsor their own, “Stop Wasting Paper” Day.

Get your Freak on...later

You can not imagine my disappointment when I read in the paper this morning that the 3^rd annual “Freak Fest” scheduled for April 22 – 24 had been postponed. Y es people, Bakersfieldians can not possibly get freaky enough on just one or even two days. It takes THREE full days of freakiness to sufficiently satisfy our citizens.

The Freak Fest, normally held at the Famoso Raceway in McFarland (yeah, that’s a place I want to spend a weekend getting freaky), “Features a motocross competition, a custom car show, two days worth of hard rock concerts, food and music in a festival atmosphere.” The article also says, “Participants are encouraged to camp out at the track, bring their tents and trailers, creating a Woodstock-style event.”

My apologies to ANYONE who I may offend right now, but when I hear the words motocross, car show, hard rock concerts, Famoso Raceway, and McFarland, the last thing to pop into my mind is Woodstock. And again, forgive me, but methinks the title is befitting the event.

That being said - there between 15,000 to 20,000 people out running around out there who are very disappointed right now. (Scary thought, huh?) My suggestion is this: take your freaky ass’s downtown, have a good time, support local business, and for heaven’s sake DO NOT start a fight!

p.s. I stole the headline for this post from the paper. Please don't sue me!!

Here We Go again.

The rumor now is that since Daniel Sepeda’s death at what appears to be at the hands of The Downtown Joe’s bouncers, supporters of Sepeda have done more than just vandalise the place and tag death threats. I know a few people who work at Riley’s Tavern across the street and they told me last night (over fish tacos) that Sepeda’s “friends” have been keeping round the clock surveillance of the place waiting for someone to show up so they jump ‘em. The Californian seems to support this claim in an article today stating that the attorney hired by the owners said that, “Bar personnel have been hearing rumors that people have been wandering the downtown area and asking for names of bar employees.” As a result Downtown Joe’s has announced it will be closing its doors for good. Wow – I didn’t see that coming.

The article also reports that the coroner “Saw no physical evidence that Sepeda was beaten to death, is calling it death by strangulation, and that they are awaiting toxicology to determine if there were not extenuating circumstances.

In the meantime friends and family of Sepeda are continuing to spray paint their messages on the building and have created T-shirts which bear a picture of the man and say “In Loving Memory Of Daniel Sepeda.” (On a side note - I saw a license plate frame on a car recently which said the same type of thing. Seems like a strange way to memorialize a person’s life if you ask me.)

So, Downtown Joe’s is gone and all the people who used to enjoy going downtown are all freaked out and the employee’s of the surrounding businesses are worried about their incomes and it’s all over the news about how dangerous it is to go downtown. All because some drunk guy got into a bar fight and some ‘roided-out bouncer put him in a choke hold.

Yeah, that sounds like Bakersfield. How can you NOT love this place??

I Can't Believe It!

There was shocking news in the headline on the front page of today’s paper - “Family blames bouncers for death.” I am aghast. The Coroner determined that the cause of death was strangulation, but the family said that Sepeda was also beaten and that “Six bouncers” murdered him. Six bouncers beating and choking one man is definitely over kill.

I have a very good friend who works as a camera man for KGET. Just by coincidence, he happened to be in the emergency room when they brought Sepeda in. My friend told me that he looked blue and then went on to describe the efforts that were made to save Sepeda’s life. When I asked him if he looked badly beaten he said, “No. But he did look like he had a broken nose.”

Just goes to show, there are always two sides to the story. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.

Who You Callin' Yag?

Merele Rothwell of Bakersfield has come up with a novel idea. He wants to take the word “gay” back from the homosexuals. He’s unhappy with how a word which originally meant happy, joyful, etc has been sullied by the GAY! community. In a letter to the Californian Rothwell suggests that we follow suit and instead refer to them as “yags.” In support of his idea, Rothwell reasons that “Yags is easy to remember and pronounce too." Ya(gs) just can’t argue with that kind of logic.

Then again, “ass” is easier to remember and pronounce than Rothwell.

Cheers!

April 23rd is the Kern Wine Fest. As far as I know it's the first ever. I've been noticing signs all over town adverstising the event. I suspect it will not be anything like the Beer Fest where drunken frat boys run around with Super Soaker squirt guns trying to spray down all the girls. If I can scrap together the cash I would like to check it out. If only so I can report back about it to y’all.

It’s a selfless act on my part, really.

Idiots!

I did quite a bit of driving around town yesterday to parts of town I haven’t been to in a very long time. I drove out to South H and White Lane and I took surface streets the whole way because trying merge onto the freeway in Bakersfield is more dangerous than playing with a loaded gun. The surface streets are only marginally better. For example: The left turn light from Ming Avenue onto South H only allows one car at a time so at least two or three cars are forced to run the yellow if not the red. That signal changed three times before I was able to get through. Of course the van in front of me was overheating big time and about to catch fire so I’m sure that had something to do with it.

On the way home from my trek I was heading east on Rosedale Hwy/23^rd St when I noticed that the traffic going west was at a stand still. All the way from Hwy 99 to as far as I could see (which was F Street) the cars were not moving. I meant to come home and turn on the TV to see what was going on but I have a very tiny attention span and I think I got distracted by my cat.

Anyway, today as I was heading home going west on the cross town freeway I noticed that the traffic was backed up all the way to where the freeway ends. I quickly changed my game plan and turned left on some other street with a letter for a name. It’s a good thing I did because a while later when I went to the GM Liquor’s on 24^th and E (I was only buying gum – I swear!!) I noticed a black car on the sidewalk and a red car parked diagonally next to it with the ass hanging out into the lane. When I walked into the store I asked the cashier if she knew what happened.

“Yeah” she replied, “They got into a wreck about an hour ago and the cops still haven’t shown up. They said they were already dealing with another accident scene. The funny thing is the red car is totally drivable but she won’t move it.”

So, what we have here is two dumb girls, neither of them hurt or injured in anyway, sitting in their cars worried about what their parents are going to say, blocking a lane during rush hour while hundreds of impatient people are trying to get home by taking an already congested road, which invariably will lead to more accidents.

Obviously the real accident was in giving those girls a license to drive in the first place.

Cat Killer!

Here’s an interesting story. I can actually relate to the desire to kill cats despite the fact that I am a cat lover. Years ago there was a cat infestation in my neighborhood and it was awful. There were literally over twenty cats that were totally wild living under houses. They would wake me up with their howling and fighting and mating. There is no sound more awful than listening to cats mating. I swear I thought it was someone killing a baby. They’re impossible to catch and their pooping and peeing made it impossible to garden. Believe me, I would have loved to pop a cap into a couple of those suckers.

Still, I think it’s a good thing we don’t have cat hunting here. With the way some people are around here there would be dead cats everywhere.

It's A Small World After All

I already showed y’all how to translate my site into gangsta but now I’m wondering how to translate it into Chinese. I recently discovered a reader living in the China Coast/ Russian Federation time zone. How crazy is that? Of course, I’ve also discovered readers living in Alaska and Spain. Then again I was shocked to find people besides my closest friends reading my blog at all.

That’s Bake Town – bringing the world together to bitch about Bakersfield.

Talk About Dumb Luck

Here’s an unusual story about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. (I know -I should have told y’all about it back then but I DO have a life people! Geez.)

On March 29, 2005 a man walked onto the South High campus and began waving a gun around. It turned out to be a pellet gun, but according to the paper “It was made to look like a real revolver.” The incident occurred after school but there were still a lot of students there for other activities. So, this wacko starts running around screaming a bunch of nonsense. Luckily Travis Bivens, who has been working campus security for 18 years, was there. Travis kept his cool, and followed the wandering man around. The nut job eventually left the campus and took off into the neighborhood near by. That’s about the time the cops arrived. When he appeared to point his gun toward them, seven shots were fired. Now this is the unusual part… they didn’t kill him. They didn’t even hit him. Seven shots and not one of them touched the guy.

Must have been that dude’s lucky day.

A Bar By Any Other Name

My friend DD and I were talking during lunch about the incident at Downtown Joe’s recently, which led me to tell her the story about Panama Jack’s. She told me she thought that the stabbing occurred inside of the bar, not down the street. See what I mean? All the paper has to do is put the word stabbing and a name of a business in the same sentence and people will start saying somebody was stabbed there.

DD said she always liked Panama Jack’s and was sorry when it closed. “We saw Dave Wakeling there” she reminded me. I had totally forgotten about that. (That screaming sound you now hear is coming from Waist High all the way in Portland.)

That seems to be the way it goes for most bars in Bakersfield. Every thing is great a first, then someone gets hurt, negative press is spread and the next thing you know the business is gone.

Of course it usually reopens a year later with a different name and the same crowd.

Don't Mess With Downtown's Rep.

The front page of the paper today is covered in news about the death of Daniel Sepeda. Friends and family have set up a shrine in front of Downtown Joe’s in honor of the man they said was kind and generous. Angry vandals have broken the windows and spray painted threats all over the establishment. Former neighbors gathered on the corner to cry and comfort each other. According to the paper “Another person left a necklace with a note that said, “If you take anything or necklace I promise I’ll find you and kill you.” What the hell??

One man said about Daniel, “Alls he was doing was having a good time and got killed.” Apparently Daniel has a good time by getting into a giant bar fight. There were between 5-10 people involved in the fight and he was definitely one of them. Witnesses say he even began fighting with the bouncers who were trying to get him out of there. It’s still not clear why Daniel died even though the police arrived right away. The autopsy results have not been released.

Many owners of nearby business establishments complained about how that business causes problems for those trying to improve the area. Since 1998 that bar has been bought and sold three times. Emily Thiroux called Downtown Joe’s the “Rotten apple of the barrel.” Jeremy Fike, who recently moved his business from the northwest, said that violence happens all over and it is unfair to blame ‘downtown.’ The he said the problem is more likely related to “Whatever it is they put in Budweiser and Coors Light” stating that he never saw any fights when he lived in San Francisco. I think Fike may be on to something.

I will say this; the manner in which The Californian reports these incidents does nothing to help downtown’s reputation. They published a timeline of some of the violent things that have happened over the past few years. Once again they reported that in 1997 “Alfred Martinez, a bouncer (was) stabbed to death in an alley near what was then Panama Jack’s Last Resort.” The former owner of Panama Jack’s is a good friend of mine. Before this incident occurred his business was booming. After the paper repeatedly tied the stabbing to his bar people quit coming. He struggled in vain to keep his business going, dumping all the money he made back into the bar. He ended up losing everything. Needless to say, he does not have warm feelings for The Californian.

People always say, “Don’t believe everything you read in the paper” but many people still do. I understand it’s a paper and they’ve got to find something to talk about but repeatedly reporting crime and violence downtown doesn’t help the business owners who are trying to revitalize the area. Thiroux even said "To me, Rockin' Rodeo is more dangerous than downtown."There are violent crimes going on all over town all the time. There are fights in bars all over town and there are bouncers beating people up all over town. It doesn’t just happen downtown.

This is Bakersfield. People are getting drunk and fighting all over the place.

They're all Full of Gas

Bakersfield has a new “claim to fame.” Besides Buck Owens, Basque restaurants, and the conservative small town mind set we are known for we can also now boast about having the highest gas prices in the country. The funny thing is it has always been this way. Despite the fact that we can scarcely drive down the street without seeing an oil derrick pumping away. (My son had one in the parking lot of his elementary school.) Despite the fact that we are kown as an “Oil Town” and that a section of our city is named “Oildale.” Despite the fact that you cannot avoid the smell of burning oil refineries as you drive through certain parts of town . Despite ALL of this, residents of Bakersfield have always paid top dollar for their fuel.

Now that gas prices have reached astronomical, if not unprecedented amounts across the nation, people around town are really starting to bitch. (Thank GOD I just got my new car which gets 36 mpg in town and 50 on the highway.) It’s not that I don’t think we all don't have a legitimate reason to gripe. I just find it hard to feel sorry for the 3⁄4^ths of our population driving around in their Hummers, gigantic SUV’s, and full sized pick-ups. No - I’m sorry. I do not feel sorry for them.

These are the same people buying all the cookie cutter track homes out in B.F.E. white flight, urban sprawl housing developments. These are the same people who try to speed down Rosedale Hwy to get to work (or home) on time only to find themselves caught in traffic jams idling exhaust into our already atrocious air. These are the same people who cannot get their fat asses out of the car to go inside a fast food restaurant and place their enormous orders to feed their over stimulated, under exercised families while we sit stuck behind them longing for a quick bite to eat and fewer breathing problems.

Screw those people. For the rest of you, I would like to introduce you to this website.

Best "taken out of context" line in the paper today

Cost of a sandwich probing with a metallic temperature-measuring wand courtesy of Kern County Environmental Health: priceless.

Bye, Bye Beale Park Pool

It was announced recently that city planners had decided to close the Beale Park swimming pool. The pool, which has been enjoyed by children in the Oleander area since 1932, was in need of repair and according to the counsel they ain’t got the cash. They do however have enough money to fill the pool with concrete and build a “water park.” That’s so the kids who are too poor to have their own sprinklers will have some place to go when the heat takes over. Most people are not pleased with the decision.

In a letter in today’s paper Don Enebo of Kernville had this to say, “I am 72, the same age as the Beale Park Pool. Probably don’t hold my water too well either.”

Help clean up this town.

The Great American Cleanup is Saturday April 23rd. A bunch of friends and I did it last year and we had a great time. It’s not just picking up trash. Some people plant trees, paint over graffiti and other stuff. If you’ve never done anything like this before I highly recommend you give it a try. You'll have fun and feel good about yourself and your community. For more information check out the Keep Bakersfield Beautiful website.

And if you're still not motivated to get off your ass just remember that Indian with the tear running down his cheek.

These bouncers are not made of rubber.

I’ve written several times warning y’all to not mess with the cops in Bakersfield. They like to shoot people. I forgot to also mention that you do not want to mess with the bouncers in Bakersfield either. They like to beat the crap out of people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a couple of burly men drag a drunk guy out of a bar and beat him bloody. I am not making this up. Sure, the drunk guy probably did something stupid or started a fight and needed to leave, but I don’t think that should translate into having his head pounded into the sidewalk.

The bouncers at Downtown Joe’s are particularly tough. Saturday night after removing Daniel Sepeda for starting a fight, his dead body was found lying in front of the club. I can just imagine the bouncers standing there talking to the cops all wide eyed saying “I dunno. We just asked him politely to leave.” Apparently the bouncers picked the wrong guy to beat to death. The next day taggers had painted “187 on all you bouncers” across the building. According to the paper, “the number 187 is the penal code designation for homicide.”

If the past is any indication all this means is that Downtown Joe’s will close for a while then reopen with a different name. Isn’t that what happened after those people were shot in front of the Bull Pen?

Super Service Dog to the Rescue!

There’s a very interesting article in the local section today about a woman and her service dog. The title of the article is “More than just a pet” and beneath it is a large photo of the woman and a very large black poodle in which they appear to be making out. I know there are a lot of people out there that let their dogs lick their mouths and I’m sorry if I offend any of you, but as far as I’m concerned I do not want ANY animal who just finished licking his own ass to come up and slobber all over my face.

Anyway, the article is interesting because this woman has the service dog to help her with a disability brought on by post traumatic stress disorder. She developed PTSD following a sexual assault. After emotionally collapsing from the trauma she was unable to leave her home for many years until she received her first service dog. I had no idea they had service dogs for people with PTSD.

Apparently an employee at Good Will didn’t know either. The first part of the article is all about how he got into her face demanding to know what the dog was for. According to the paper, the man backed her into a corner, pointed his finger in her face and raised his voice to her. Sounds like that dude REALLY wanted to know what the dog was for. And what was the dog doing during all of this? I would think he could have done something given the fact that he is a service dog. He could have at least peed on the man.

Needless to say the encounter freaked the woman out (which makes sense considering she does have PTSD) and now she’s suing Good Will Industries. (How could anyone sue a company named “Good Will?”) Since the incident the woman says “she has been plagued by sleepless nights, anxiety, nightmares, headaches, sweats, nausea and loss of appetite.” Dang! The only thing missing from that list is diarrhea.

When describing how important her relationship is with her dog the woman said, "I paint his toenails purple. That's my favorite color." I can't help but wonder what the dog thinks.

I wanna go home

When Waist High came to town recently I drove WAY out of my way to pick her up because I was afraid she would do something crazy if I didn’t comply with her demands. She wanted to go by our old high school, but for some reason that never happened. Instead she commanded that I show her the home that I grew up in and once again I conceded.

As we approached my former home I pointed out to her the house from which the spider monkey who attacked me formerly resided.



From there we drove up the street and turned left onto the cul-de-sac where I lived for twenty years. It was weird to see my old home again. The window on the right is the window to the bedroom I lived in for most of my life. The window on the left was "the office." I broke my toe on that brick planter once. (Hey - why no flowers in the planter and what's with the rock?")



When I lived there it was painted green and there were three trees planted in the front yard. Many things had changed, but one thing had not. I was surprised to see the little, metal, address sign still attached to the mailbox.



While we were running around snapping pictures, I suddenly noticed a small, red headed woman washing her car in front of my former neighbor’s house. “Cee” I shouted! She then turned, looked at me, and said “Oh my god!” As we hugged and chatted, Cee’s mother came out. The very same woman who used to feed me when I would wander over bare footed and disheveled asking for something to eat. Begrudgingly I introduced them to Waist High who was standing near by tapping her foot and clearing her throat. As we were talking I noticed a new sign posted on their home.



I couldn’t stay long because Waist High was giving me the evil eye but I had a marvelous time seeing my old neighbors and the house that I grew up in. As we were leaving, Gloria yelled out to me something I heard from her over and over again in my youth; “You haven’t gained a pound! You're too skinny!”



It may not look like it, but I have gained weight since I lived on Rickey Way. Luckily most of it has been in my heart.

Photos courtesy of: The Waist High Collection - except the first one. I took that.

W.U.D.

The weather has been so bizarre lately everyone is talking about it. Almost every other day it is windy & rainy. Yesterday, from out of the blue, we had another down pour and it hailed in some places.

FYI

Funniest new searches which resulted in a hit for my blog….

“Ed Jagles hates me too” and “Drop his pants.”

In the news...

There’s an article in the local section of the paper today explaining why medical records containing personal information were found lying in the street downtown. The documents, which held names, addressees and social security numbers, came from a company called Hooper Home Portamedic which collects body fluids for testing. Their office is located in the Downtown Trade Center, right next to the Chinese restaurant that went up in flames recently. Employees for the company have not been able to return since the fire due to smoke damage. Nonetheless, somebody took the documents and placed them in a dumpster without shredding them first. Windy weather lifted the papers out of the dumpster and littered the streets. Needless to say, the clients who were contacted and told this information were not happy.

I can not imagine how awful it would be to learn papers containing VERY personal information about me AND my bodily fluids were found lying on the street downtown. How awful.

In another article the Californian claims that the police are being very tight lipped about a prowler making the rounds in the south west. Several days ago there was a warning issued by the BPD for residents to keep their doors locked. Apparently a man entered several different homes and attacked the unsuspecting women in their bedrooms. It’s not clear if they were hurt but the article does say that they were fondled. Doesn’t that seem a little strange? This dude is walking around, entering homes and fondling women and that’s it? Equally strange is the description of the perpetrator. He is described as being between the ages of 15 to 28, around 5’5” to 5’8” and having an either slim or medium build. That’s about as clear as mud. I find it hard to believe no one noticed his race.

Look out Bakersfield, there’s a boogy man on the loose.

Basque in the Glory

I’m heading out to Benji’s tonight for some yummy, yummy comfort food. I think their soup is the best in town. Former residents of Bakersfield always tell me how much they miss having a Basque restaurant around. Well here’s the next best thing. The Kern County Basque Club has a website featuring upcoming events, a history of the Basque in Bakersfield and a recipe section! If you’re looking for a usual dessert I suggest the Gateau Basque. It’s delicious.

Enjoy!

W.U.D.

I just went out side and saw that it rained again. Weird. There was no forecast for rain today. I think the heavens are weeping because Waist High left town. I know I shed a tear.

Of course she was twisting my arm behind my back at the time.

Lights, Camera - Action!

There’s an article in the Local section today describing how a group of local actors have been chosen to perform a re-enactment of the 1989 crash of Flight 232. National Geographic is creating the documentary as part of a series of shows about accidents. The actual crash which happened in Sioux City Iowa killed 112 people out of 296. The article says that the passengers had to endure “45 horrifying minutes as pilots wrestled the craft down.” Sounds like a nice show to watch while relaxing on the sofa doesn’t it?

The funny thing is the actors who were chosen for the parts have not seen a script, they have to buy their own 80’s costumes to be filmed and in they’re only getting paid $80 a day.

I hope none of them quit their day job.

The Not So Wild Kingdom

I learned something new yesterday. I learned that all those tiny little bugs flying around the fields and pastures are not mosquitoes. They’re Midges. The Californian had an article in the paper yesterday talking about the mosquito problem some areas of Kern County are having this year due to all the rain. The article explained that some of the insects we see are midges which look and act a lot like mosquitoes but they don’t suck blood.

Speaking of flying insects…not long ago I was thinking about when I was little and how once a year there would suddenly be thousands of butterflies. What happened to all the butterflies? Then just a few days ago as I was driving down Oak Street I noticed hundreds of butterflies heading north. There definitely weren’t as many as I had remembered, but they were there. I got all excited until one hit my windshield and left an ugly yellow smudge. I felt bad for killing the butterfly and that Toad the Wet Sprocket song popped into my head.

There are lots of little critters that seem to have disappeared over the years. We had a sump near our house and every year thousands of little frogs would appear. We called them penny toads but I don’t know if that’s really what they’re called or not. They were so tiny and cute, I loved capturing them and watching them hop all over the place. One day my brother stuck one in my ear. I didn’t like that so much.

Where have all the penny toads gone?

Cooky Cosmos

After going out with me on St. Patrick’s Day my friend Bree stopped by to help me put the right names on the right faces for the Bakotopia “Seen on the Scene” feature. She was on her way to run errands and was only going to stay for a minute. But, once she was here one thing lead to another and we ended up spending the day together. We had a lovely time talking, laughing, crying, and sharing about the past, present and (of course) the future. Just before she began to leave she gave me one of the greatest compliments I have ever heard. Out of the blue, she looked at me and said “I don’t know if you realize this or not, but I love spending time with you.”

About six years ago I went to a birthday party with a friend. I didn’t know many people there and I felt out of place. All of a sudden, this tiny, little, hippy looking chick came up to me and asked “What does the date April 11^th mean to you?” Confused and somewhat dumbstruck I replied “That’s my sister’s birthday.” Some small talk followed and then we went our separate ways. I remember thinking how weird the whole experience was.

A few years later I was out one night and I found myself seated next to the very same young lady. We greeted each other, chatted a bit and then she paused, looked right at me and said “I know you.” Then she told me her name. Light bulbs went off in my head. Oh my God! I couldn’t believe she remembered me!

Not long ago I wrote a post about growing up in Bakersfield. I spoke fondly of my neighbors and shared memories of spending time at their house. I did not, however, talk about their kids.
Two houses down from the home I grew up in was a family of four. There were two daughters, one four years older than I and the other about six years older. I was friendly with them but I did not associate with them much given the age differences. The older daughter was named Dee and the younger daughter was named Cee. When I was in Jr. High, Dee became pregnant. When Dee’s daughter Bree was born she was the closest thing I ever had to a niece. She was the cutest little baby and my family and I loved to nibble on her chunky thighs and splash around with her in the pool. The last time I remember seeing her she was around four years old.

Imagine how surprised I was when she remembered me. I was thrilled and shocked and completely blown away that she was able to recognize me. Unfortunately, we separated later that night before we were able to exchange phone numbers. It was two years later before I saw her again.

Fast forward....

A new friend (whom I had just met at work a few weeks before) convinced me to accompany her to a birthday party for a GOOD friend of hers. I was hesitant at first but finally agreed to go along. I never thought to ask whose party it was. When I walked in the door - there was Bree. We grabbed each other and hung on for dear life. There was no doubt; the cosmos had again brought us together.

Since that day, Bree and I have become very close. My mother and her grand mother were thrilled to learn about our connection. Months may go by without communication, but when things get tough, Bree calls me. She calls me her comfort zone. I think the most amazing thing about her is that she remembers the exact floor plan of my parent’s home.

And she still wants to see my father take his teeth out.

Ut-Oh!

Oh my goodness. KGET has reported some pretty damaging information against Assistant Coach Paul Willett of the Bakersfield Condors.

According to the coverage, Willett sexually harassed a women and left a message on her cell phone saying, "If I ever hear you (bleeping) saying another word about (bleeping) me and (bleeping) drugs to another (bleeping) wife or team or to anybody, I'll (bleeping) choke you" you (bleeping)" bleeP, bleEP, blEEP, BLEEP!!!

Hello! Mr. Potty Mouth - FLUSH!!

Show And Tell

The most beautiful thing I have read in a long while. May we all someday be so lucky.

Meet me behind the library after school - or else!

Yea, so get this… A couple of days ago there was a big expose on the front page of the paper talking about how the city of Bakersfield has been losing its fight against graffiti and how they’re finally going to do something about it. According to the article, “money has been poured into the graffiti-removal department” blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. The very next day the tag shown in the picture above appeared across the street from my house. Umm -yea.

The head line of the local section in today’s paper reads “City Council spilt on graffiti action” and the article states that “Graffiti is political gold in Bakersfield" AND City Council members spent Wednesday trying to "spin it." According to the piece written by James Burger, “Two council members held a town hall meeting to highlight city efforts to fight the vandalism” BUT “Four of the other five council members decided not to show up…”

Instead, two of those four members launched their own 'publicity stunt.' They invited The Press (but not their fellow council members) and took to the streets to paint over graffiti covered walls.

A separate article (also written by James Burger) describes how the meeting held by City Council members Jack Scrivner and Jauquie Sullivan discussed plans to deal with the graffiti problem and allowed the public to address their concerns. Meanwhile, the rest of the Counsil Clan were out painting walls and saying stuff like “Instead of attending a meeting where we really weren’t wanted” we are were out "doing something about it.”

What the hell is going on here? Is this Jr. High? What’s next? A cat fight in the hall way between classes? Where do we go to see Sue Benham and Jacquie Sullivan duke it out? Actis or Thompson?

Does it freak any body else out that the members of our City Council can’t even agree upon how to deal with a relatively simple (yet VERY pervasive) problem like graffiti but they are still running around making BIG decisions that affect our daily lives?

"Graffiti is political gold" my ass.

An Advertisement For...

Bloom In Dale's

W.U.D.

It's windy today which is unusal but nice. The wind chimes are singing in the trees and the air is crisp and clear. Orange blossoms flutter like confetti. The mountains are clearly visable and provide the feeling that you are some where else. Some place distant and calm.

What a great day for a walk.

Bloglines

I don’t know what my problem was but for some reason I just couldn’t figure out how to use Bloglines. I heard it is a cool deal that works sort of like email in that you can go to one place and see all the recent posts on the blogs you like to read. You can even download a notifier which alerts you when a new post has been made. I’ve been messing around with it for a month or so and I was getting no where until yesterday. Suddenly it all makes sense.

Since I started using it I really like it. Y’all need to check it out. To learn more about what Bloglines is and how to use it go to Dan's Diner and read his handy primer.

Burning Down The (Eye Doctor's) House

I just got back from taking my son to the Ophthalmologist to be fitted for a special lens to treat his Keratoconus. I can’t say it well. Paul has a phobia of putting anything even near his eyes, so the idea of sticking a hard contact in there is out of the question. The glasses he got a couple of days ago are worthless, which is pretty much what we expected. Paul says he’s used to seeing out of one eye and doesn’t think it’s a big deal. He has no depth perception but, hey - whatever.

The doctor said that a huge part of learning how to wear hard contacts is motivation and if Paul isn’t motivated we should just forget about it. Great - Thanks doc. (effing quack) My son is going blind and we should just forget about it?

I take back what I said about that Arson guy. Somebody get me a match.