Favorite New Website

Just for my male readers.

Stuff on my Cat and Other Stuff.

As I'm sure y'all have noticed I haven't been posting much lately. There are several reasons for this, but what it really all comes down to is I just don't want to. So back off. No, I didn't really mean that. I just needed a break. So much so that I'm taking next week off of work and I'm going to do some serious spring cleaning. You probably won't be see much of me then either. Sorry. I'll at least try to post some pictures.

In unrelated news, I recently discovered the fabulous website, Stuff on my Cat. If you hate cats you're probably not going to like it so much. They created a Stuff on my Mutt site for the dog lovers. (Personally, I like both.)

I am now determined to win one of their Stuff on my Cat contests. I started last night. See?



The joke is a lot funnier when you get that she was named after a Beatles song. Her full name is "Her name is Magill, but she calls herself Lil' and everyone knows her as Nancy."

I can see I'm going to have a hard time winning that contest.

Sun, Fun, Stay, Play

Thanks to Dave for the heads up on this Favorite New Website.

Now quite complaining and get out there and enjoy yourself.

Sunset over Bake Town

Can you tell I finally got my new camera?

Because I continue to be unable to write.

Another fun website.

Favorite New Web Site

Because the next best thing to eating good food, is looking at it.

Ban the Bags

I know this is not a popular opinion, but I think banning plastic bags is a great idea. Some of you may remember my tirade against plastic bags.

Of course, if San Francisco was the first to do it, Lord knows Bakersfield will be the last.

Funny Pic Friday

One Flew Over the Valley Plaza

Michael Sullivan, the man a police officer recently shot and killed near the Valley Plaza has been linked the murder of a man living nearby, and an assault on GET bus all on the same day. (Obliviously he was observing a “Spare the Air Day” and combining all his errands into one activity.) Police say evidence has tied him to the stabbing death of Robertson Van Osdol (the man in the wheelchair,) whom Sullivan lived next door to. Actually, Sullivan did not officially live there; but the person who did is now offically in 3B.

Apparently Sullivan wasn’t the only one living there who went nuts.

Sorry Mom

I don't usually post stuff like this, but I thought it was damn funny, so here's a link.

My Favorite New Website

If only it were true.

I’m posting like a man woman now!

Some friends and I recently had dinner at the newly refurbished Azul downtown. Once the home to long time watering hole Suds Tavern (the first bar ever I went to) the space has made many changes over the years. The last business to last for any length of time was Paco’s Tacos. I was sorry to see them go. Azul replaced Paco’s for awhile, then closed down to update the place. Update they did. Azul is now a trendy LAesque sushi restaurant.

I’m not an expert on sushi by any means, but I know what I like. We ordered the Tiger roll, salmon sashimi, and shrimp tempura. I thought every thing tasted great. I especially enjoyed the tiger roll. My friend also ordered a salad that was very good. The service wasn’t great, but that was obviously because our server was young and didn’t really know what she was doing. We all got the feeling they were more interested in having a hot blonde waitress as opposed to someone with less appeal and more experience.

The décor has changed dramatically. Everything is painted black, dark blue, and silver giving the old fire station a very modern feel. A large, black bench stretches across one wall, dotted periodically with painfully tiny tables and ottoman style chairs. (This is not the place to eat if you need back support.) Then of course there is the sushi bar with the obligatory stools allowing patrons to ogle the chef as he works.

The back area has been converted to a lounge area with large comfortable couches, but no tables. I’m not sure what they’re planning on doing with this part. There was a small stage area suggesting shows sometime in the future.

I sure hope so because the German discotheque music they had playing over the speakers was driving me nuts.

Trip on This

I recently discovered a great way to waste time if you're stuck in front of a computer and bored silly. It's called Stumbleupon.com and all you have to do is click a button to be shown all sorts of new web sites related to topics you're interested in (and a few that you're not.) I don't remember choosing sappy, cutsie pet websites as one of my interests, but in any event, I am constantly being introduced to websites that do nothing but post cute pictures of baby animals. Like the one below, for example...



I've been coming across so many of these websites the cuteness is even starting to wear off on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah... another fuzzy, teeny, baby kitty. Who gives a rats ass? Well guys, in this case I think maybe you do. After scrolling down the page of pics of cute baby animals I quite literally stumbled upon more than I expected.

If you know what I mean.

Favorite New Search String

I have no idea what it means, but I still think it's funny.

Paul's Pizza

Part of the thing that sucks about being down in the dumps is that nothing seems interesting; even things that actually are. I’ve doing a lot of blog reading lately and found I was getting tired of reading the some ol’ blogs, so I started looking around at some new ones. There are so many to chose from! I’d seen Sara Brown’s blog before, but I hadn’t read it in a while, so I decided to revisit it. Wah – la! I found inspiration. In one of her posts she talks about a friend who dressed up like a piece of pizza. That reminded me of Paul.

Like most kids, Paul always liked to play dress up. He had a red, felt, dinosaur costume he wore out after wearing it everyday for two years. It didn’t matter if it didn’t fit anymore. It didn’t even matter if it was 110 degrees outside and his sweaty little face was as red as the costume, Paul loved it. He also had a pirate costume and a Cat in the Hat costume I made for him myself. He slept in his Cpt Jean Luke Picard custom for a year. (Well, they do sort of look like PJs!)

But my favorite costume Paul ever had was one he picked up himself. I can’t remember how old he was; maybe 7 or 8, when he walked into the house and asked if he could have two dollars. “What for?” I asked him. He wouldn’t tell me, but he did inform me he had been at a yard sale down the street and he had found something he wanted. I figured two bucks wasn’t too much, so I handed him the money and he ran out the door.

A little while later I heard the screen door banging and someone fumbling for the door. As I rounded the corner I saw Paul carefully stepping sideways through the door wearing a large cardboard box cut and decorated like a giant piece of pizza. His arms struggled to hold the box up as he walked, and his head poked from a hole in the top. “I’m a piece of pizza!” he announced proudly, his little face beaming with pride. I just cracked up.

Paul stumbled around in that costume until at last Halloween came he was able to be piece of pizza for real. Every person at every door we knocked on laughed when they saw Paul’s costume. I’m pretty sure he scored big time in candy that night.

The pizza costume remained in Paul’s room for the next few following years. Occasionally he would put it on again and bump around the house singing, “I’m a pizza!” just to make me laugh.

As you can see, things haven’t changed much.

Downtown Development

The California Housing Finance Agency’s Residential Development Loan Program (also known as CalHFARDLP – say that five times fast) announced today that Bakersfield will receive $1 million in funding “to assist with the land purchase for the development of 35 affordable for-sale condominiums.” The condominiums they’re referring to are part of the Mill Creek development project planned for downtown Bakersfield. You can read more about the plan here.

The area they’re focusing on is between Union and Q streets, right around Central Park (which I just found out has been renamed Veterans Memorial Park.) It is indeed a blighted area and in need of development.

I just have one question… what are they going to do with all the bums?

Update

If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t started posting pictures from my lovely new digital camera yet you are not alone. I ordered the damn thing over a week ago. Yesterday I found out what happened to it. I had it sent to the wrong address. Genius, I know. Luckily the dude who got it turned around and sent it back again, so now I have to wait for them to get it and then turn around and mail it back to me. That’s what I get for being an idiot.

If you’re also wondering why I haven’t been posting lately I can tell you its because I’ve been in quite a foul mood for a while and I didn’t think y’all really wanted to hear me bitch. I think I'm just out of sorts, down in the dumps, on the rag, or maybe a little depressed. Whatever it is it sucks.

Maybe I’ll feel better when my camera arrives.

Signing Off

I have tomorrow off, so I'm going to be as far away from my computer as I can get. I hope y'all have fantastic weekend. Yee Haw!!

p.s. I'm not actually planning on going fishing, although I could....hey! There's an idea!

Licenced to Drive

My son is now offically licenced to drive. He past the test a little while ago on his first try! In fact the lady said he did "excellent" and put a little smiley face on his paper.

How many times did your kid have to take the test again Waist High?

Favorite New Search String

I don't even want to know why someone would search for this info.

News Nips

I have been remiss for not commenting on the news lately. My apologies. Here is a quick recap.

******

It’s been hotter ‘en hell. Well, not compared for how hot it’s going to be, but for March it’s pretty darn hot. Mid 80’s so far. It’s kind of nice, but it makes me worry about summer.

******

The cops killed another one. The whole thing started when a man stole a knife from Merlo’s Cutltery in the Plaza. (That’s still there??? My sister worked there.) A police man assigned to the plaza yelled at the man as he ran out and then chase him toward Castro Lane. A canine officer and his dog joined the chase near the movie theater and the dog quickly brought down the robber. But as the caine officer tried to cuff the man he stabbed him in the arm. So the cop killed him. Can’t blame him, I’d be mad too.

Later that same day a man in a wheelchair was found stabbed to death in his apartment. The apartment was not far from the plaza, so police are looking into a connection.

******

The doctor Steve Colbert made fun of on Comedy Central is starting to feel the heat. After the news aired about him refusing car to the baby because her parents had tattoos, people began calling the office and leave threatening messages. Dr. Gary A Merrill says the news didn’t tell the whole story. According to him, the parents where aware of the policy before had but became upset when reminded they needed to cover their tattoos. He says the couple began yelling and cussing at his staff.

Because, you know, cussing out the staff is ALWAYS the best way to handle any situation.

*****

The Vincent Brothers’ trial isn’t going so great. At least it isn’t for the prosecution. So far all they’ve been able to establish beyond a reasonable doubt is that Brothers brother is a liar. Kinda hard to believe any thing he says after that. Pictures of the slain family made Brothers cry – score 2 points for the defense.

Now they’re getting into the icky stuff. forensic pathologist testified that the family of five had mostly been dead for more than a day before they were found. They based this on the fact the muscles were not stiff. Apparently the muscles become stiff shortly after death, but then loosen up again after 24 to 36 hours later. (I did not know this – and I watch a lot of Cold Case Files.)

They were also able to determine that Joanie had recently eaten a big meal, a common practice on Sunday afternoon after church. And let me tell you something, there is good reason for it. I attended the Cain Memorial African Methodist Episcopal Church a few times and seriously, those preachers go on for HOURS! I was ready to eat my Bible. (Why did I attend this Church you may be asking? I wanted to expose my son to lots of different churches. Besides it was fun singing with the gospel choir.)

*****

The man who walked up to a car and shot a sleeping man simply because he had on a light blue t-shirt has thankfully been sentenced to life in prison. Ted Blackmon was a known gang member and a felon when he spotted Damon Moore sleeping in the front seat of car that had stopped for gas on the way to Vegas. Blackmon is a member of the East Side Crips who are at war with the Country Boy Crips.

Blackmon’s family contends he was wrongfully accused. And sights inconsistencies on the testimony of another person in the car who was also shot at. According to the paper, Blackmon’s sister is quoted as saying, "How are you just looking straight down a barrel of a gun and can't see their face?"

Ummm… maybe because you’re busy looking at the GUN IN YOUR FACE!!

Favorite New Search String

I don't think Mrs. Seven is going to like this.

Nothing better to do.

There is a chain link fence that separates my place of employment from another. There is also grass, and trees, and squirrels. I see squirrels running around all the time but I don’t usually see them just hanging out. A few days ago I noticed a squirrel sitting on top of the chain link fence. He was just sitting there, starring right at me. I looked at him for a while then went about my work. Ten minutes later as I passed by the same location I noticed that the squirrel was still hanging out on top of the fence. I thought that was pretty weird, so naturally every time I walked by that area I began looking for that squirrel. Nine times outta ten he’s there. Just kickin’ it on top of the fence.

I found the whole thing too humorous to keep to myself so I told a co-worker to go look at the fence and see if he noticed anything. He came back and said, “Are you talking about that squirrel?” We both cracked up and spent the rest of the day talking and joking about squirrels. The next day I saw the squirrel again so I emailed my co-worker to tell him the squirrel was back. He replied that we were spending entirely too much time discussing this squirrel, then suggested we name him Murphy. I suggested something more exotic and sexy like Sergio or Rodolfo; sounds like a man with a hairy chest who likes to lie in the sun.

My idea got shot down.

Bake Town on South Park

Pretty hot huh boys? You can make yours here.

FYI

I have co-worker who is celebrating her 30^th birthday today. Well, sort of. Mostly she’s just moaning and whining, and complaining in a girlish little voice, “I’m soo oooollld.”

I feel like banging her head against the ground.

Y'all got any corn pipes in thar?

I did two things this weekend I had never done before. Early Sunday morning a friend called looking for a ride. Begrudgingly I got out of bed and went to pick him up. He lives way out near Shafter out in the middle of the fields. When we pulled up he began to show my all the cars he was working on. He makes a living by restoring old cars. Then he asked me if I’d like to go for a ride. Of course I agreed. He directed to me to an old rusty Model T, helped me in, then climbed in, and started the car. The engine was loud and the car immediately began to shake, but she took off down the road, bumping and jerking all the way. It was so much fun. We drove all over the dirt roads surrounding the fields as fast as we could go. I left like I was in an ol’ time movie. After we returned home I thanked him for the ride and made him promise he’d take me for a ride again soon. I never thought I’d get the chance to ride in such an old car.

Later that same morning I went to the swap meet for the first time ever. Well, actually I did go to the Swap-O-Rama when I was little, but I haven’t been back since. I couldn’t believe how big it was. I have never seen so much crap in my life. There was some good stuff too, and I’m not saying I didn’t have fun poking through the carnage looking for a good deal. But seriously, there were more than a few vendors who looked like they had just swept out their garage, dumped everything in a box, and then spread it out on a blanket at the swap met.

I was looking for things I might decorate with; paintings, wall hangings, and what not. I found a few promising items but nothing I fell in the love with. I was more interested in the Mexican food. I had three yummy tacos and a Rosa’s ice cream bar, but I missed out on the thing I wanted most – fresh coconut with lime. My friends made some good finds, and I enjoyed people watching and just being outside on a beautiful sunny day. Then I got home and took off my tank top. I had a bright pink sunburned neck.

I went to the swap meet one time and now I guess I’m a red neck.

Favorite New Search String

I would have never guessed these words would lead to Bake Town.

Bakersfield Defined...by Idiots.

I came across something rather interesting this morning. Bakersfield, the city itself, apparently garners definition by some people. Or at least the people who like to use Urban Dictionary. After reading the posts it made me wonder, how would Los Angeles be defined? You know what I found out? It isn’t defined yet. So hey, at least Bakersfield beat LA on this one. In your face LA!

Here is my response, as a person who was born and raised in Bakersfield, to the twelve definers.

*****

#1 – With a population of nearly a half million, it is the third largest inland city in California. God knows why, it's a pretty horrible place, with summer (late May-late October) temperatures averaging in the high 90s and air quality that can practically disable you. Winter is short and usually doesn't get colder than 50 degrees in the daytime.

Meth is as easily found as soda machines and getting drunk at parties in the middle of fields is a common Friday night activity.

Housing used to be dirt-cheap, but as of recently it's increased drastically. Statistics show that every single day 10 people from LA move into Bakersfield.

Ridiculously, there is only one real shopping mall (Valley Plaza) so at any given time it is too crowded to take a breath.

Much of the population are Mexicans that hop the border and invade town then clog the streets protesting their "deserved rights" when they are not even citizens.

Areas of town are sort of defined by the high schools: South High (southside), East High (eastside) {don't walk the streets at night because you WILL get stabbed by a mexican gang}, North High (north) {A.K.A. Oildale- which isn't a city in itself, just a name for the trailer park/white trash part of town], West High (west) {if you want to get shot, eat at a taco bell}, Ridgeview High {out in the middle of f**king nowhere}. Then there are the snobby, rich schools around the Northwest/Southwest part of the city such as Centennial High, Liberty High, and Stockdale High. Liberty is home to the hottest, most shallow kids in the whole city. If you're not good-looking, you're invisible.

Friday night high school football games rule many kids' lives. If you're not a jock, then you're going to be pretty fucking bored and will resort to devoting your life to the "hXc!" music scene. (Scene kids in Bakersfield are known to be pretentious jerks.) You will spend your every waking moment in the sweaty, roach-infested basement of Jerry's Pizza watching shitty local bands lose their voices.

Summer's started.. Looks like we won't be stepping foot outside for the next five months. Bring me a Bud Light and a pack of Camels!

kid 1 "I just moved to Bakersfield. Do you know where I can score some ice?"
kid 2 "Dude, just stand at a corner and someone will come up to you and ask you to buy."

The first piece is obviously written by a teen aged girl. Lines like “Ridiculously, there is only one real shopping mall” kind of give it away. (And we have two malls!!) I would also venture to guess that she is a student at Liberty High School, currently unsatisfied with her social rank, and totally prejudiced against Mexicans for some reason. (By the way, its best to save the brackets for math class.)

*****

#2 – Why trust air you can't see? The unbearable heat during the day adds to deliquency society as people prefer midnight outings and cow-tipping. From gang members to cowboys you will see a variety of "culture" The armpit of California is home to cheap living, suburbia mixed with random farms, and drastically changing geographics every year, as (for some reason) people keep moving there.

I’m confused from the beginning with this one. Aren’t we NOT supposed to see the air? And has she seen the air in Bakersfield? It’s pretty nasty looking.

*****

#3 – Yes, it's hot. It can suck. However, its what you make of it. Either way, we still have a pretty bad reputation as a glorified hick-ville...

My friend & I during a random roadtrip to Aspen, CO:

random boy at a bar: hey, where are you girls from?
us: california
random boy: you girls here for the bachlorette party?
us: uhm, no. we're visiting friends. who would come all
the way from cali to get married?
random boy: would you rather get married in aspen or vegas?
my friend: well, i would get married in vegas.
random boy: YOU MUST BE FROM BAKERSFIELD!!!!

How the hell he pulled that out of his ass when all he had was the entire CA I'll never know.

I dunno, that’s just funny.

*****

#4 – a really s*** place where the air is as clean and pure as paris Hilton bakersfield. why bother?

I think he may have the new city motto, other than that, its just dumb.

*****

#5 – city in central california. frankly, it is mierably boring. its a giant field with buildings. yuck. bakersfield is boring.

Quite frankly, I find Random boring, so it seems to me Bakersfield is the perfect place for him.

*****

# 6 – The CA city also known as "Bako" (or better spelled "Bake-o") in reference to its typically hot temperatures, the proximity to producing oil fields (which is an in-joke for oil barons), and the predictable uber-presence of barbecue, bacon bits, and Mexican food, often served up to country-western and/or mariachi-norteno music.

While visiting Bako, try "the tri" -- which is loca lspeak for tri-tip, a beef cut that is (of course) barbecued.

Ie've been driving for ages -- are we in Bakersfield yet?

I hardly think “Bake-O” is famous for its tri-tip. Basque food maybe. And I have never in my life heard someone say “try the tri.” (Why you gotta go dissing on the bacon bits man?)

*****

#7 – The Hell(boredom)hole KoRn hailed from In Bakersfield if you were not a jock, then you're screwed with boredm

If I was not a jock then I’m screwed? Don’t these people grow up?

*****

# 8 – Didn’t you already post this?? And by the way, “The land Bakersfield occupies used to be a barren, desert-like field?” Actually it used to be wet, swampy, river basin stupid.

*****

#9 – A place where people from hell come. Also a place people like to bash by putting definitions like this in their profile. But really, it is that bad....this place f***in sucks....

This person is clearly bi-polar.

*****

#10 - A horrible place filled with illegal immigrants and dirty minorities that are doing the United states no good. Bakersfield is full of wetbacks and dead-beats

This person is clearly a racist. Me? I love me a good Mexican. mmm mmm!

*****

#11 - Where delionns('08 ers)come from. Bakersfield is for lovers.

This person is clearly from Oildale, loves it there, and doesn’t know how to spell.

*****

#12 - where crips kick it from the cbc im a country boy crip in Bakersfield

Okay Mike. That’s great. I’ll come visit you in prison.

*****

So, how would you define Bakersfield?

The future Mr. Bake Town

What do you do when you're brain dead and unable to complete sentences with out the assistance of ... um, you know? Make expensive purchases online of course!

Some of you may remember me complaining that my digital camera took a dump. I've been moaning about it more than you know. I was right behind a big red truck that had the phrase, "It sucks to be you." plastered across the back window in giant 14 inch letters, AND I COULDN'T TAKE A PICTURE OF IT!

I've been waiting until I wasn't broke, but if that ever does happen it will probably signal the apocalypse, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE PICTURES OF THE BACK OF MY HEAD? (Forgive me. I'm very excited.)

A few weeks ago while I was out with a friend, she pulled out this sexy little camera and I fell in love. I was slobbering all over it. (Seriously, that camera was violated.) So today as I sat at my desk staring at the wall, the idea suddenly popped into my head to buy myself a camera. And that's what I did. Since this means I will not be eating for the rest of the month, I am available for ANY dinner parties or other events where food is served.

And I'll take pictures!!

Zzzzzzzzzz

I seem to have gone brain dead. I spent a good part of the day staring at the walls. Nothing seems bloggable. I saw a dead rat in the street on the way to work today. Who cares?

I need a nap.

The Colbert Report

Why in the world would Stephen Colbert be watching KGET?

Wondering

Are there certain songs that you can not help but dance to? No matter where you are when you hear that song you begin to shake your ass? For me it’s Staying Alive by the Bee Gees and Do you think I’m sexy by Rod Stewart.

I hope I don’t lose my job.

E-Bake

If you're in the market for a little Bakersfield art, may I suggest the following...



or



or



And for the kitchen...

I'd be mad too.

I joked yesterday about the older gentleman recently arrested for resisting arrest when a sheriff tried to get him to stop painting a fence.

Photo by Dan Ocampo

After seeing how the fence was painted I think they could have arrested him on those grounds alone.

Licenced to Drive?

There’s an article in the paper today reporting that, “nearly five out of six vehicles screened at random ….were cited for driving with out a license.” That seems like an awful lot. The article also reported that the check point was set up, “between 8 am and noon at East Truxtun and Washington Street.” I know that area. The homeless shelter is about a block away.

That’s not exactly the greatest part of town. Something tells me this the location of that check point was anything but random.

Map of 1600 E Truxtun Ave
Bakersfield, CA 93305-5432,

For Norma

A picture of my best side. And no, I am not related to Cousin Itt.

Clue Applause Soundtrack

Here’s a story right out of Greenacres files. An 81 year old man was arrested Sunday after assaulting a police officer. According to the paper, Louis Montgomery’s pig farm has been causing problems in his Rosedale neighborhood for some time now. People have complained about the smell and the flies. Randy Cass lives next door and he wants the pigs to go. At first the Kern County Planning Department said they pigs could stay, then they changed their minds. In the mean time, the whole neighborhood is taking sides.

Sunday morning Montgomery decided to brighten up the block wall he had to build between his neighbor’s yard. Trouble is, he decided to paint the other side of the wall; the one facing his neighbor’s house. To make things worse he painted it with several different colors of paint – you know, just whatever he found lying around. His neighbor Mr. Cass was none too please, so he called the sheriff. (This is where it gets good.)

When the sheriff arrived he found Montgomery sitting on top of the fence holding a five-foot long roller brush. When he asked Montgomery to come down off of the fence, he refused. Then the deputy tried to grab the brush away from Montgomery, and after a brief struggle ended up being bonked on top of the head. That’s when the deputy maced the old coot and called for backup. Montgomery is one tough old bird. It took several officers to drag him off that fence.

Toss in Eva Gabor and you got yourself a sitcom.

His autograph is for sale on E-bay.

As I was reading the paper this morning, I noticed a unusual article. It was more of a letter, a rather long letter, and it sported the title, “How a Fool Stunt in 1982 Made Me Locally Famous…” Right smack in the middle is a picture a man and a small boy at the beach. I looked at the signature and didn’t recognize the name of the so called local celebrity, so I decided to read the letter.

It beings by describing how fabulous his life was in 1982. He had it all! Captain of the football team, 3.9 GPA, college scouts banging on his door, heck – he was practically boinking the entire cheerleading squad. According to him he was, “the envy of many of my friends.” (I’m guessing he didn’t have that many to begin with.)

Then his life took a terrible and tragic turn. His world was turned “upside down” when “out of the blue” be began to suffer from lower back pain. (Dude! That happens to me every month.) What was the cause of this mysterious back pain? He got hurt playing football. What a shocker. I would have never guessed a football injury would cause a person to suffer with back pain.

This is where things got really crazy. (Are you ready? Are you sitting down?) He went to a chiropractor. (I know! I feel faint.) But that is not the best part. The part that really made me well up with tears was when he described how in that life altering moment, he decided to give up his future as a football star and become a chiropractor too. (Pass the Kleenex!!)

The letter goes on, and on, and on describing the miracle of chiropractic care. The little boy in the picture? His life has been completely free of illness. In fact, he is so healthy, that the children who sit near him at school actually feel better when he is there. The doctor then goes on to offer his amazing chiropractic skills (for a limited time only) to the good people of Bakersfield. For only $17.00 you can receive “the whole ball of wax.”

I, for one, think he should be nominated for saint hood.

Favorite New Search String

I just hope this dude isn't looking for me so he can hurt me.

It never ceases to amaze me what combination of words will lead people to this blog.

Wondering

Does anyone else out there remember Mrs. Harmon and her harpsichord? I loved that woman.

What ever happened to her?

I know just how it feels to be a banana.

If you don't get this joke, just google "mean monkeys."

Call Career Services Center

Here’s a story for clumspycrooks.com. Two Bakersfield men robbed an auto repair shop yesterday by piling tools and equipment into two cars from the shop and then taking off. They got just a few blocks away before one of the cars broke down. When the police showed up they saw one car trying to push the other. The second car took off, but also broke down a few blocks away. The dude in that car got away.

Edward Anaya was not so lucky. In fact, for a career criminal he doesn’t seem to be very proficient. He has been arrested 11 times for burglary, prowling, and the like since 2002.

It may be time for him to look into other options.

Looky here!!

Wanted! Dead or Alive

Actually, alive would be much better.

Someone stole this 15 year old horse from CALM last week, and now they are offering a reward for his safe return. Why in hell would someone steal an old horse? Are they wanting to make home made glue? And where does one keep a stolen pony? Its not like you can just ditch it in the backyard and hope no one will notice.

Maybe Thomas wasn't really stolen. Maybe he busted loose and is out enjoying his life for the first time. I can just see him now, with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a hooker.

No wonder we haven't been able to find him.

A Sign of the Times

The City Council finally approved a design for the new “Welcome to Bakersfield” signs. The squiggle is out and the leaf is in. Clearly they didn’t take my advice and bring back the “Sun, Fun, Stay, Play” sign.

Personally I didn’t mind the squiggle so much as I did the actual stone monument itself. It looked like a headstone. And then there’s the big hole right above the squiggle which immediately conjures up thoughts of ‘a hole in the wall.’

Apparently the council did decide against also using the slogan “Life as it should be” because, come on, if this is as good as it gets we’re all in a world of hurt.

Car Seat Crime

The charges against the two women suspected of felony vehicular manslaughter have been reduced to misdemeanors. Everybody’s favorite D.A. said it was a tough call for him to make but he felt that the woman had been negligent and should at least get probation. He may actually be right on this one.

I have a few issues with the women’s story. Number one being that they said they drove to the hospital rather than calling an ambulance because they figured they could get there faster. That may be true, but if you take an ambulance you are automatically admitted. She would’ve had to wait longer, which makes me think perhaps her asthma attack wasn’t quite as dire as I first thought. Secondly, Brenda Stockman, the grandmother, ran a red light, so she was a fault for the accident. They’re lucky they weren’t all killed. I understand she was in a hurry, but they weren’t going to get there any faster in a body bag. Thirdly, Sandy Stockman, the mother, had two children. The older one was left with a care taker. Doesn’t it make more sense to take the child that does not require a car seat considering they didn’t have one?

Something doesn’t add up.