B.B.Q&A of L.T.D.

I contacted Waist High's "lovely teenaged daughter" after learning she is a "full time reader of Bake Town" to get the inside scoop on living with the woman who likes to compare herself to a has been department store. L.T.D was kind enough to reply.

You were born in Bakersfield but raised in Portland. What is your impression of Bakersfield, aside from your mother's obsessive love for this town?

Well, I was born there but we moved up here when I was five. When I was little, Bakersfield was beautiful and clean and nice, obviously that has changed. When I go back it hurts sometimes because that isn't the place I grew up in, it's dirty and filled with graffiti and there isn't any greenery and it really makes me appreciate Portland. A good quote that is fit for this question is "Fish does not know water, as man does not know self" That means that the fish only stays in the water and he doesn't know the opportunities that lie above the surface because he has been underwater his whole life. Just like people in Bakersfield, if you never leave the hellhole, you think it's the greatest thing on earth. But once you venture away from it and you see real trees and non-graffitied walls then you realize there are better things that the dried up kern river.


How difficult is it to the be the "lovely teen aged daughter" of the "half baked, whack job in Portland" ?

It's not difficult, it's just annoying. My mom will just post about me being PMS-y without my permission and tell everyone on the internet about my bad hair day, etc etc. She is very strange. Let me just say two words here: Fake Uggs. My mother thinks that the Target version of uggs plus a lifevest, looks attractive. And yes, she does prance around town wearing pink target fake uggs. I just pretend I don't know her. And if she talks to me in public I just say, "NO lady, I don't have money to spare."


Do you have any favorite places in B-town and if so what are they? (I'm assuming your crazy mother is not taking you to Amestoy's to get drunk on cheap drinks. Yet.)

My favorite place to eat is obviously Mexicali and I like to go to Dewar's for dessert. Oh, and In-N-Out. Other than that, Bakersfield is pretty lame.


How do you deal with your mother's OCD over her former high school and have you considered having her institutionalized?

Honestly, I think it's ridiculous. Highschool is not that great, I know that 20 years after I graduate I won't be scanning pictures of people I don't even talk to anymore, and driving by the school just to remember the days. I'm bouncing out of here once I'm 18 and I don't plan on looking back. My Mom needs to get a life, and an ipod.

And yes, I have considered having her institutionalized, the woman is whack.

(There you have it! Thanks L.T.D! We feel your pain. B.T.)