Friday, March 25, 2005

All right! All right already!

I have decided to return from my self-imposed isolation if only to appease Waist High. Her endless emails and tearful phone messages finally wore me down. I only hope I haven’t become too accustomed to slacking off. I am not ready to talk about the “family emergency” which caused me to retreat, but I promise I will tell y’all what’s going on eventually.

To get back in the swing of things I thought Robert Price’s column might be a good place to start. In today’s paper, Price informed us that the Downtown Business Association is looking for ideas to help improve the Street Faire held every Thursday night on Chester Ave. The Street Faire runs through the spring and summer and according to the article has been in operation for the past twenty years. Twenty years? Really? I am pretty sure the first time I ever heard of the street fair was in 1989.

I remember the year because it was the first time I ever went to the street fair. I was 7 months pregnant, it was 100+ degrees and Flo, ET & I got a wild hair and decided to walk downtown to check it out. I was having a little trouble walking, I was terribly uncomfortable and I was not in the best mood. Just as we were crossing A Street, right next to Franklin School, a couple of dudes hanging out across the street took note of me waddling down the street. Thinking he was cute, or funny, or interesting in ANY way, one of the guys yelled out to me “You should have used a condom!” I don’t remember exactly what happened after that. Everything went sorta fuzzy….I turned toward the guy (Exorcism style) and I began to spew obscenities and insults about his own sexual inadequacies and limited mental capacity. The whole scene ends with him, slack jawed & eyes bulging, mumbling an apology from across the street while my friends (laughing hysterically)drug me down the street, spitting and clawing like a wildcat.

It gets better….

After an hour or so of ping-ponging from booth to booth looking for something interesting (or at least edible) I decided I wanted to go home. Sweat was pouring from every pore on my body and my hips were aching from the extra weight I had put on. I did not want to walk home, so I went to the pay phone by what is now Jerry’s Pizza. I am pretty sure the events that transpired next had something to do with my eventual divorce. My ex-husband LOVED to talk on the phone. When he got on the phone, the conversations could last for hours. It drove me CRAZY! But on this night, it especially drove me crazy because we did not have call waiting (HE didn’t want it) and I could not get through to him to ask for a ride home. After several tries, I hung up and started to walk across the alley. Just then, a car came lurching out of Wall Street. As I jumped back, the car, driven by an obviously intoxicated woman, continued onto to Chester and – right in front of my eyes – RAN OVER two people!!! I am talking one guy hitting the hood, and then another! All while I stood there and watched.

A crowd quickly formed and my friends and I found each other. After ogling for a while, we decided it was best to leave. Hormones raging, I complained every step of the way home about how I almost got run over and how it was all my husband's fault.

If I remember correctly, the woman driving the car, knew somebody that knew somebody (wink, wink) and got off with a slap on the hand despite the fact she had spent the evening drinking at the Alley Cat and was obliviously driving INTO A CROWD OF PEOPLE!

I have been to many Street Fairs since - but none were so memorable.

Oh yeah… back to the point. The Downtown Business Association wants to hear your ideas about how to improve and enliven the Street Faire. You can call (661) 325-5892 or go to their website.