Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I Confess

I can no longer hide. I can no longer avoid what is really going on around here. I can no longer pretend like I just suddenly lost interest in my blog, the one place I could always find comfort over the years. I have to confess…I met a man. No better way to make your mind go blank and your jaw hang slack, huh? Not for me anyway.

The thing is this is not just any man. He is one of my best friends. I met him in 1980 at Thompson Jr. High. He would act silly to get my attention, and I would laugh and pat on him, but I never agreed to ‘go with him.’ By the time high school started I was picking him up everyday and delivering back home. While at school he would follow me from class to class carrying my books. (Who does that in the 80’s??) He hated all my boyfriends and would complain, but he still tolerated me talking to him about them. By our junior year I had begun to look at him differently. We went to the Winter Formal together and a few other dates, but I was worried about losing him as a friend, so I cut it short off with the “Just Friends” speech. Every year he would sign my yearbook and tell me how much he loved me. I just laughed and said, “Oh Oscar!”

As we got older we stayed in touch at first. He came to my wedding and to visit me when my son was born. We tried to stay friends, but every so often he would look at me and say, “I love you,” so I began to pull away. Even my friends would tell me, ‘Oscar really does love you, do you know that?’ and I had to admit I did. It just made me sad. We were both married and struggling. There were many dark days ahead for both of us, and I began to avoid him when I saw him. I couldn’t face him anymore.

I would see him sometimes, walking down the street near my house and it would break my heart. I wanted to stop him and take him for a ride just like we did in high school, but something always stopped me. Things went on like that for over three years. Then, two weeks ago everything changed.

I went to the Nile to see The English Beat with a group of friends. It crossed my mind that Oscar might be there, but I was having too much fun to think about it. I was in the middle of dancing to the first song when Oscar suddenly appeared from the crowd and headed straight for me. He looked great. I have never been so happy to see him. He walked right up to me and grabbed me into a great big hug. Right then everything changed.

Oscar told me later that several friends had called him at work telling him to get down to the show. He resisted at first, then found someone to cover his shift and walked down to the Nile. He was escorted in the backdoor by friends and fans shaking his hands shouting, “Yeah! Oscar’s here!” He said he felt like a rock star. Then his best friend appeared before him and said, “She’s here.” Oscar said he didn’t hear anything after that, he just made a bee line for me. The rest is history.

Well, not all the rest. It’s only been two weeks. We’ll see what happens now, but it’s looking promising. I think my lack of blogging might be a good indicator of how distracted I am. Either he is with me, or I am sitting at work staring at my computer trying to remember how to do my job. Today seems to be a good day. At bit of the fog has lifted. Oscar chastised me yesterday when he learned I hadn’t been blogging. I do feel badly. I just haven’t been able to think of anything else, and I didn’t really want to write about Oscar because I know my brother is going to read this, and I don’t know! How weird is that? Oh well, I guess there’s just no avoiding it.

I am smitten and my mind has turned to jelly. Toast anyone?