Bake Town is back

and ready to fry your ass

Back from the Dead.

So crazy to see my blog on the news after ALL THESE YEARS!  I wish I knew who actually wrote the post!  Thanks KGET!!

Post by KGET - TV 17.

LOL!!

My last post was rather unpleasant, so I thought I'd share some funny stuff with y'all today. My son sent me the best Mother's Day card ever this year. On the front it had tree with a single acorn falling to the ground and it read, "They say the nut doesn't fall far from the tree." Inside it said, "And that scares the hell out of me." When I called him to thank him, we laughed about the card and then he said, "It's funny cuz it's true." Thanks son.

I just found these pics on the internet and they cracked me up. Enjoy!

Sick News

There's a couple of seriously bizarre and disturbing stories in the news this morning. Yesterday morning and entire family was shot up and it seems that no one knows who did it. (The picture above was in the paper today, along with little red dots showing how many times each person was shot. I don't know why I found this hilarious.) The father, Anthony Walker, was shot 8 times. Apparently he is one tough cookie, cuz he didn't die. His pregnant wife, Marisha, was shot four times and she also survived, but her unborn child did not. Two children, both aged six and yet somehow not twins, were also shot. Evidently someone really didn't like this family.

The second story is even more disturbing. A four year old boy was found naked and bleeding on the floor of his home by his neighbors. After being taken to the hospital he told authorities, "Daddy ate my eyes." WAIT! WHAT!?! Yup his obiviously crazy as hell father litterally bit his son's eye out AND HE ATE IT!!! Oh. My. God. He tried to eat the other one too and severly damaged it. The he took an axe to his own leg and tried to hack it off.

This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Daddy's having a bad day."

Closing Down The Cat

So, the Alley Cat is closing down for a few weeks to give herself a face lift. It's the first time the historic bar will be closed in 34 years! I think it's a bit ironic that the place closes down right after my husband lands a job there. That's just his luck.

Anyway, we will being heading down to the Cat tonight, the last night it'll be open for awhile, and we're encouraging everyone else to head down and show their support. It'll be a hoot. AND if we get everyone to drink all the booze my husband won't have to pack it up later!

If you can't make it out tonight, I hope you can make it down for the Grand Re-Opening in May.

Opps!

Bruce Riley

Apparently the police made a little mistake recently - they lost a 'high risk, sexually violent, child rapist, and predator.' According to the flier the Sheriff's Department release, "Riley was convicted in 1979 for kidnapping with the intent to commit rape, rape by force, and oral copulation with a minor under 14 years of age. Since then Riley has had numerous other non sexual violent crime convictions." Really!? The first question that comes to my mind is - WHY THE HELL WAS THIS GUY RELEASED IN THE FIRST PLACE?? Everybody knows when they release creeps like this guy, they go commit even more heinous crimes.

Don't these people ever watch American Justice or Cold Case Files??

Update

Oscar and I watched the news last night and sure enough – there was the car chase that nearly wiped him out. They caught the cracked out looking creep after a bizarre chase that covered downtown, the southwest and half of Georgia.

I’m sure glad he didn’t hurt anyone else.

F.Y.I.

If you're in the market for an old, tired, worn out piece of ass, look no further than Bakersfield.

I Do ewwww!

There is a newly wed couple in Kernville none to pleased with how their wedding went. Not because the flower girl tripped or the mother-in-laws got into a fist fight (I actually saw that one happen for real) but because the minister who married them is a convicted child molester. (No – he’s not Catholic.)

Johnny and Wendy Otero wanted a small wedding in their home, so they picked up a list of people licensed to perform the ceremony from the Kern County Clerk’s office. The couple chose Russell Berry from the list, and stopped by to help the pair tie the knot. Later, when Wendy showed her wedding photos to her teenaged daughter, the girl pointed out that the minister is a child molester. What I want to know is - how the hell did she know that? Does she sit around checking out the whack jobs on Megan's Law website all day? (If so - whew! I'm glad I'm not the only one.)

Johnny and Wendy were so upset by the whole thing they canceled their honeymoon and are planning to have another ceremony officiated by someone else creepy - and their raising hell with the clerk’s office. Ann Barnett, the KC auditor, basically said ‘Hey man! That’s your problem - not mine! We just print out the list.’ Of course this is the same chick who chose to not marry ANYONE rather than marry THE GAYS! (I bet she’s fun to hang out with.)

My favorite part to this whole story is the minister/sex offender’s response to the outrage – “There’s a lot of ministers that have criminal pasts.”

Hmmm…. maybe he is Catholic after all.

Newsflash!

My husband just called me freaking out. Apparently he got caught up in the middle of a massive car chase going on right now near West High. Luckily he missed being cremated by the suspect by just inches. He said there about a dozen police cars chasing an SUV speeding around with one flat tire. Craziness!

I'll tell you more when I find out what happened.

I'm really asking for it now.

One of my favorite things to write about has always been the gun toting, trigger happy policemen and sheriffs we have ‘round these parts. They’d just as soon shot you than look at you for the most part. But in all honesty, I can’t say I blame them entirely. I feel the same way some days, and I don’t have to deal with the cracked out crazies running amuck around here on a daily bases. I know they have a tough job, and the last thing I want is the cops on my bad side (see above for reason), so…Yeah Cops! Way to keep the streets free of gun violence! ...... Oh wait – never mind.

In case you missed it, I am not a paid journalist, nor am I a professional writer. I’m just a chick who likes to blog sometimes. So, if you’re looking for facts and figures, or posts free of grammatical errors and typos, go some place else. (And if so, I’m giving you the finger right now.)

A couple of weeks ago a 27 year old homeless man was spotted with a gun stuffed in his waistband. (Dumb mistake #1). When the policeman arrived it was dark and the suspect was ordered to lay down his weapon. Instead he turned and began to pull the gun out. (Dumb mistake #2.) A few seconds later the man was dead. Turns out the gun wasn’t real. Oops! (Dumb mistake #3.)

Now, I’m not saying I don’t understand the circumstances. If you’re walking around Bakersfield in the middle of the night sporting a gun, even if it only looks real, you’re just asking to get shot. I can’t imagine how scary it would be, facing a man you don’t know, don’t know what he’s on, or what he’s about, in the middle of the night. With a gun! I can tell you I’d probably wet my pants at the very least. But I do know that circumstances like that don’t ALWAYS have to turn out with the suspect dead.

This weekend there were two more shootings. Early Saturday morning the BPD were called to a domestic dispute. A crazy man with a gun was demanding his girlfriend let him in the house. (Uh- hell no.) The man fled at first, then he returned and so did the policemen. When they found him running around like a whack job, guess what happened? Yeah, he’s dead too.

Sunday afternoon another young man was acting wacky when a group of people at Andres Drive-In flagged down a cop and pointed out the man. When the policewoman approached the young man, he pulled out a knife and threw it at her. Guess what happened then? The policewoman pulled out her gun and told the boy to lie on the ground. Instead he pulled out another knife and approached the officer. (Apparently no body ever told this kid not to bring a knife to a gun fight.) The policewoman shot the boy, wounding him. He is recovering from his non-life threatening injuries in KMC.

Let’s play, “List all the Similarities and Differences in These Three Scenarios!

Scientific proof this dude is a douche.

I’ve been bitched at an awful lot lately for not blogging. Waist High never fails to stop whining and recently my husband has been giving me a guilt trip for blaming the lack of posts on him. (He didn’t mind 80 weeks ago when we got together, so I guess this means the honeymoon is over.) This weekend I ran into Lois Henry and she also chided me, which really made me feel bad, so here I am. I’m not promising much, but I guess something is better than nothing - although some people would not agree.

I thought it was funny a couple weeks ago when I received some hate mail about my blog. First of all – dude!? Why are you even reading the damn thing? Second – really?! My posting is so awful and stupid you felt the need to take 15 minutes out of your life to send me hate mail?! I’m honored. I don’t have the whole thing because I deleted it, but it started something like this…

You have used the word "Scientific proof."
That word can only be used in a proper and
formal way of using. Because you used the word,
"sucks" which is informal and it's used for
people who needs angles ….

It went on from there to list even more reasons for why I suck. Scientifically.

But the best part about it was the second email. Apparently, after sending the first missive my delightful sender-inner felt he/she had not fully conveyed the point, so a second email was sent reading….

ps i wont be back

You won’t be back? You mean, except for right now…and later whenever you feel like it? Darn, I’m really gonna miss this guy. I mean, who doesn’t want writing tips from someone you says, “That word can only be used in a proper and formal way of using.”

Apparently he hadn’t really been reading my blog at all.

No wonder my life sucks.

I now have scientific proof that it sucks to be a woman living in Bakersfield. Women’s Health Magazine conducted a study of 100 of the United States biggest cities to find which provide the best Health, Fitness, and Quality of Life women. Bakersfield is dead last. Apparently, it’s not quite as bad for men – Bakersfield only scored 94th on their list.

Now, as woman who has lived her ENTIRE LIFE in Bakersfield, and who will no doubt die here, I feel a little defensive. Then again, we Bakersfieldian’s always do. Like my tag line says, “It’s not THAT bad” gets repeated a lot around here. Sure, the air sucks, the heat sucks, the fog sucks, the crime sucks, the red-neck’s suck, and our city planner’s REALLY suck, but other than that…. well, you know.

If Women’s Health thinks being a woman in Bakersfield is bad, I can assure them that being a single woman in Bakersfield is twice as bad. We need to organize some sort of an outreach program to bring successful available men to town. I can guarantee you the woman around here would pay good money for chance with a dude with a good job and all his teeth.

Okay, we’ll settle for MOST of his teeth.

Example #1

I thought this post from A Little Pregnant described pretty accuratly what's going on with me lately.

Minus the babies of course.

Posting Away Again

Okay, so here’s the post I promised Waist High to get her off my back. (I was unable to attach a link for some reason. Sorry WH!) Apparently she doesn’t realize that when a blogger doesn’t post for over two months that it’s a pretty good indication said blogger has lost her steam. Unlike like Waist High and her “staff” Bake Town is just written by ME.

I feel bad for letting y’all down. I really do. But the whole blogging thing just doesn’t seem to fit into my life at the moment. It fit beautifully when I was single and bored. In fact it may have saved my life. I was the Queen of Bake Town blogging there for awhile and it was fun. I had a great ride. And I hate to disappoint all you devoted readers who keep on encouraging me not to give up, so let me just say that for now, I’m taking a break. Things change all the time, and I’m not saying I will never blog again. I’m just enjoying my honeymoon period with my new husband, and sitting around pecking at a keyboard doesn’t really fit in, if you know what I mean.

Besides, when I started Bake Town there were just a handful of us local bloggers. Now there are a bajillion. True, none of them have my insight, or wit, or lyrical writing style, but you can at least read about what’s going on. Like how for the past two weeks the sky has been battleship grey and will most likely remain that way for the next 10 years.

Interesting stuff, huh?

Creeped Out!

Louie Garcia Jr just moved back to town after 20 years in prison. According to a police report, "Garcia was convicted in 1989 for lewd and lascivious acts involving children and for using force, violence, duress, menace or fear to commit lewd and lascivious acts upon children." Ew. Not the kinda guy I want for a neighbor - that's for sure.

The thing I found striking however is where Louie is living. He lives 0.31 miles from an elementary school. He is literally one minute away. Now, if a crazy, old woman like me can figure that out, why can't the people who are responsible for watching this pig?

I'm not sure who be more afraid of.

Yee Haw!

Here are a few lines taken from the local newspaper today. I think they reflect quite nicely the type of news we have round these parts.

******

A man stripped down to his red boxers and led deputies on a chase more reminiscent of a Hollywood action scene than an actual pursuit as reports came in of him hiding in a chicken coop, jumping from roof to roof and changing his clothes.

******

The patient had been diagnosed with dementia and breathing difficulties, and died after choking on a ketchup packet, according to a state investigation. Investigators concluded facility staff knew the patient consistently tried to eat non-edible objects.

******

Note to self: Don’t smoke and grow pot in a house owned by a law enforcement employee.

******

A big rig carrying a full load of lettuce overturned on Enos Lane at the entrance to Buena Vista Lake on Thursday morning.

******

Tomlin said he was drinking a 24-ounce bottle of Olde English beer at a nearby gas station when the attempted abduction occurred.

******

County elections got more than 15 calls after Jaz McKay reportedly recycled the old voter suppression tactic of announcing that turnout is expected to be so high that Republicans are being urged to vote Nov. 4 and Democrats Nov. 5.

My Biggest Pet Peeve

I can’t take it anymore. I don’t understand why we can’t just give up the “Titles” and just use Mr. and Ms. Nobody ever uses it right and I really don’t see why women should continue to be labeled as available or not. It’s archaic. I recently confused several people at my work when I got married and didn’t change my last name. People began referring to me as “Mrs. Town” and when corrected them they just looked confused. They thought when women get married they automatically change their last names and take on the husband’s name. Uh, no. This isn’t the 1880’s.

A man (who shall remain nameless) recently came around to all the women in my office to clarify how they would like to be addressed. “You know what it means don’t you,” he asked. “Miss means you’ve never been married, Mrs. means you are married, and Ms. means you’re divorced or widowed.”

“No it doesn’t!” I shouted from my office.

Seriously, if people aren’t going to used them correctly, what’s it the point in using them at all? And if women have to be labeled as available or not, why shouldn’t men too?

I just don’t understand why we still accept these labels.

Anybody want a kitty?

Oscar and I were recently adopted by a stray cat. She started hanging out on the porch with our cat Magill and being general nuisance. We’ve caught her a couple of times, but she always manages to escape the box before we can haul her off. We thought she may have a litter of kittens under the house but we didn’t see or hear anything until last weekend. That’s when these little suckers showed up.

Our cat Magill is not at all pleased with the intrusion, but she’s getting on in years now and rather than duke it out with the younger, leaner stray, she has chosen to relocate from the front porch to the backyard. The stray and her kittens have taken over. Keep in mind, Magill once lived in the house but banished herself when we brought home The Dog. Last night was we watched TV Magill peered in at us through the back window, as if to remind us of her miserable plight. A little while later the stray did the same thing. This morning Magill was again staring at us through the window by the back porch. She even came in for a little while, until she caught scent of The Dog, and ran back outside. A short time later the stray did the exact same thing. “That cat keeps on doing everything Magill does,” Oscar said to me over breakfast.

I guess that makes her a Copy Cat.

A Typical Day in Oildale

A 72 year-old man is walking down an alley in Oildale when all of the sudden two pit bull dogs jump out and begin to attack him. The man beats one dog with a stick, then pulls out a gun and shoots the other. The dogs beat a hasty retreat back into their yard and the man walks away unharmed.

Now you know why I don’t walk around Oildale.