What the...??

Someone please tell me if this is normal or not cuz I really don’t know. (Amy, you probably know.) Is it normal for a newspaper to publish a “We Recommend” list of who people should vote for? Cuz that’s what the Californian did today and I’m sorta offended by it. They’ve got all the props with a yes or a no next to each and all the candidates listed that they think you should vote for. Sure, you don’t have to vote the way they want you to, but I still find it strange. Is this normal and I just never noticed it before? Isn’t that kinda, oh I don’t know…biased? Sure, it’s in the editorial section and I understand you can say whatever you want in an editorial, but still… And do they not care at all that they may be pissing off readers that disagree with their recommendations?

You think it’s a coincidence that they are encouraging readers to vote for Sue Benham?

Pedro in Bako

Yessiree bob - that there's Pedro Martinez in a Bakersfield Dodgers uniform at Sam Lynn Ballpark. yeee haaa!!

Curses

Most people who know me know that I am a huge Yankee fan. It’s not easy being a Yankee fan (people tend to dislike us) but I was raised a Yankee fan and I ain’t changing. The past couple of weeks have been particularly annoying. They’ve been annoying because I was actually very happy for the Red Sox. I wanted them to win. I was thrilled when they did win. I was so happy I cried and I’m about to cry again right now just thinking about it. How can you not tune up when you see pictures like this?


And this!


So all you people out there with your snotty little comments can just keep ‘em to yourselves. It is possible for a Yankee fan to be happy for the Red Sox.

Now they can quit all that whining.

Update

So it turns out the rumors were true. Mexicana Airlines wants to provide service from Bakersfield to Guadalajara four times a week. Apparently the most popular destination of Kern County travelers is Guadalajara, which kinda surprises me considering I’ve been a Kern County resident for 37 years and I’ve never been to Guadalajara. Of course, the whole thing hinges on our ablitiy to get the U.S. Customs stuff worked out, so I wouldn’t start packing anytime soon.

Things are looking up this year, according to today’s paper, we have “shattered” previous rainfall records and more than tripled the average for the rainy season. All that with just 1.54 inches of rain. Go ahead and laugh, I'm used to it. Even more amazing is the fact that “the wet weather didn’t result in any major accidents and the number of minor accidents was not particularly high.”

Two women were found dead – one run over by a car and the other set on fire in a field. Yeesch. Seems like every other day some women is getting killed around here. I think I’m going to start watching my back.

Election day is around the corner so I thought I’d share a couple of websites I thought were kinda cool. For the liberals there’s Northern Sun and for the conservatives there’s The Right Things. Don’t ask me which one I prefer cuz I ain’t telling.

And if you don’t vote you’re a total loser so go read some other blog.

Insert Wizard of Oz Music here...

“It’s crazy out there” a co-worker just told me. No kidding…I’m expecting the Dorothy’s house to land any minute now. Everybody’s all abuzz about the storm heading this way. Oooooh – look! Weather!! Here in Bako (unlike those wacky Oregonian folks) rain is a big deal. It's always fun to get an office pool going on how many car accidents there will be in the next 24 hours. The best part is after the rain when you can see the mountains and you’re like, wow – I forgot about those… cool.

I’d like to take this opportunity to make a formal apology to my friend Amy in NY. I had promised to go to the Fair and take pictures of the cow birthing and I failed to do so. I just didn’t make it there and I’m not sure why. Anyway, I am sorry I have no baby cow news or pictures. I stole this one from the internet. I hope it helps. Sorry again and I promise to make it up to you some how.

Hugs & Kisses

News Flash Flood

Waist High will be happy to learn The Californian published “Bad weather tips” for all the dumbos that don’t know how to drive in the rain. Tips like “slowing down is key” and “allow a greater distance to stop” and other such nonsense. I’m sorry, but I think anyone who doesn’t already know this stuff should immediately have his/her license revoked.

Also in the paper today – there’s an article about something that might possibly be news in the future. It’s a rumor really. The paper is reporting a rumor. The rumor is a new airline is going to provide direct flights to Mexico, which would mean we’d have to have a U.S. customs service at Meadows Field, which would mean Bakersfield is officially all growed up. I’m real excited about this rumor. I like the idea of jumping on a plane and heading to Mexico for the weekend.

We also have more Fair results today. Pauline Jenkins got “Best of Show” with her sugared nuts and Chyrill Sandrini won first place for her Spam recipe.

I don't know what happened but my digital camera is not working so I won't be posting pictures this week after all. Bloody hell.

Not so news-worthy

Every now I then I wonder what the people at the Californian are thinking when they publish some articles. Are we really that desperate for news? You mean to tell me no body got shot last night? There’s an article in the paper today with the headline “Cul-de-sac spawns rash of babies.” Sounds like some cheap, scary B movie title. The piece is about a white flight neighborhood in the northwest where 5 out of 9 houses either have babies or pregnant women. So what? It’s not really that shocking if you think about it. New housing development, a bunch of 20 something year old first time home owners – of course they’re breeding like rabbits.

And while I’m at it, what’s up with all the Kern County Fair results? The Fair has been over for weeks, yet every time I open the paper there are lists and the names of people who canned the best peas or something. It’s annoying.

Poker an' him

I went to my very first poker night last night and I didn’t do bad considering I had very little idea what I was doing. The old gang is kinda coming together again after being busy getting married and having babies for the past 10 or so years. The plan is to have a monthly poker game from now on and to rotate the location each time. Somehow I think it’ll never get to my place since I’m the only one who doesn’t have 2 or more children under the age of six. Although I might could get my kid to watch their kids.

This is a picture of my friend’s bathtub. They have three very beautiful little girls. I found the bathtub scene to be gruesome and very funny, which is why I took the picture.


That’s it for today. The World Series starts tonight so you probably won’t be hearing much from me for the next week. I am going to try and take pictures and post those every day.

Hopefully I’ll find interesting things to take pictures of.

Help me... Please!!!

Could somebody please tell me why Carl’s Jr.’s french French fries have no flavor what so ever and McDonald’s French fries taste like the nectar of the Gods? And could you then please explain to me why I ate the entire box of flavorless Carl's Jr. French fries and then wanted more? And while you’re at, maybe you could also figure out why after watching the documentary “Super Size Me” I went out the very next day and purchased a Six-Dollar burger with a meat patty as big around as my head. Please let me know as soon as you figure it out.

Until then I’ll be lying on my couch, clicker in hand, digesting the feast I just consumed.

Crazy Normal

G uses his power pointer finger to deflect Super Kitty's lazer death ray eyes.

So, today’s the last day of my vacation and things should be back to normal soon. Normal meaning me blogging about stupid crap. The wedding of the century served as some sort of a catalyst for all former Fieldians to come out of the wood work and since I am the Queen, they headed straight for me. I actually had Brothers over here the other day. Even more amazing - the two wussies in San Fran that missed the wedding of the century called me on my birthday! After I came to, I asked them what lame excuse they had for not coming to the wedding of the century and called each of them an ass wipe. I think I handled that perfectly.

The person in the picture above, whom I shall call G, recently moved back to Bake Town after ten years in the Bay area to further support the theory that Bakersfield is not a city at all but one big black hole. There’s no escaping it. Even if you do manage to break free some how you will always be drawn back, if only for news, which is evident by the existence of this blog and waist high.

Speaking of waist high, she was recently dissing us So Calers for not being able to drive in the rain. Uh…hello…this is California remember Land of beautiful weather. Bright, sunny skies. Remember the sun? No of course not. You live in Oregon…land of grey, rainy weather 24-7.

‘suse me… I have to go lay out now.

Scenes from the Sandacre

Sorry I’ve been absent lately – lots going on since I got back. Here’s a few pics to tide you over.

This is Flo on the balcony of Marilyn Monroe’s private bedroom.


Sorry - it's so dark you can hardly see Flo.
It was very over-cast that day.

This is a view from the balcony looking out over the lawn where the chairs were set up for the wedding.



This is a view of the pool in the backyard where the reception was held.



This is a view from inside Marilyn’s bedroom – it’s a really cool octagonal shaped room.



Unfortunatley I didn’t get very many pictures of the place cuz I was too busy doing other wedding stuff. Nevertheless, I can now honestly say that I spent the night in Marilyn Monroe’s bedroom – and how cool is that?

Home sweet rain

I came home with the rain, which is always delightful. The wedding was a success (despite the wind) and the bride was stunning (not that she isn’t always.) I managed to get through both the ceremony and the toast with out bawling my eyes out, but I am happy to report that I did make Flo & her groom cry (luckily I couldn’t see her without my glasses, or I would have tuned up as well.)

I’m exhausted and so, so happy for Flo. And for me. Not only was I the maid of honor, but I was reminded how honored I am to be a part of Flo’s family.

pics of the place to come....

Here we go....

So, I’m leaving for Palm Springs today and I’m very excited. The wedding is at a beautiful home that was once owned by Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe. I’m also very nervous I’m going to bawl my eyes out and make a total ass of myself. The best part is there’s going to be tons of former Fieldians there and we all looking forward to seeing each other. Flo needs to get married more often.

While I’m gone I suggest you check out dooce.com which a much better blog than mine.

Worse idea

An unidenified 45 year old man wanted to prove he was tougher than the 36 year old man run over on Baker Street so he plopped himself down on the railroad tracks and got hit by a train!! He is not expected to live. duh.

Yeah... Bake Town is full of wackos.

Maynard

This woman is not only beautiful and smart and great and so completely all around wonderful – she is also my very best friend. I met her in the 4th grade in Mrs. Wybright’s class at Stine School – the same year as the “Great Dust Storm.” I was the weirdo, loud mouth, skinny ass, chip on her shoulder, “too small, got held back” girl and Flo was… Flo. Sweet, smart, never told a lie, always fun to be with, girl. And for some reason, Flo wanted to be with me. By 6th grade we were best friends, and by high school our names (as different as they are) were synonymous. So, it floors me now… some 29 years later that her WEDDING DRESS ( I am freaking looking at it RIGHT NOW!!) is hanging in my room – and I am going to drive to Palm Springs in 2 days and WITNESS one of THE MOST IMPORTANT persons IN MY ENTIRE LIfE get married to a wonderful, fantastic (doesn’t deserve her) talented, I couldn’t pick a better man.

Is it any wonder I can’t sleep???

p.s. Flo – I know I spelled her name wrong… correct me.

I love you so much.

Arnold

Bad idea

A 36-year-old man was run over by a car Monday night after being thrown out of a bar on Baker Street and lying down in the street. The car that hit the man kept right on going.

a) If you’re going to bars on Baker Street it’s time to reevaluate your life goals.
b) If you’re getting tossed out of bars on Baker Street (and pepper sprayed by security)
it's time to check into re-hab.
c) If you’re lying down in the street on Baker Street you deserve to be run over by a car.
d) I wonder if I went to high school with this guy.

Tube Much

I really – really hope this is not just a Bake Town phenomenon… but I couldn’t help but noticing a new fashion trend. Apparently the ‘spare tire’ look is in. I’m not sure when it became acceptable to accentuate ones less than desirable qualities, but around this town anyway, girls are showing off their flabby middle sections with regularity. It starts with the low riding, tight fitting pants or shorts popularized by celebrities like Paris Hilton. This is then coupled with the cutesy, sexy mid-drift top. Now… if you are in fact a celebrity (or at least an equally starved “hottie”) this assemble can be quite fetching. If, however, you are a young girl battling the pudge factor, the resulting look reminds one of a person preparing for a trip down the river.

Moanday Mourning

Sure - stuff happens, but it’s not always blog worthy and my goal is to keep y’all informed and entertained, so I’ll save the news reports for the things I find interesting. As I mentioned before, I love baseball and ‘tis the season for the playoffs so you need to turn off your computer and turn on the game right now. And don’t forget to shed a tear for the Dodgers who were beaten by the big, bag, ugly, mean Cardinals.

I discovered recently that the greatest source of entertainment in the Californian can be found in the letters to the editor section. Yesterday a fellow wrote to complain about how messy our city is comparing the town to a “pig wallow” and claiming that “baby birds are smarter and cleaner than us. They don’t crap in their own nest.” Uh…. I have cared for many birds over my years, babies and adults, and I can assure you they are dirty, messy creatures that do in fact crap in their own nests. Today there is a letter chastising the “left” for supporting a ban on assault weapons and another claiming that allowing buses to control street lights (a practice that goes on daily in many cities) is “insanity.”

Keep your fingers crossed for me as I head out today. Here's hoping I don’t get crapped on…or shot…or run over by a bus. It’s cra-zee out there.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why the media isn’t all over the Vincent Brothers murder case. For those of you who are unfamiliar, five family members where found dead in their home on July 8, 2003. The bodies were of Joanie Harper 39, her three kids ages 4, 2 and 6 weeks and her mother Earnestine Harper 70. Suspicion immediately turned to Joanie’s ex-husband and the father of the three children. Uh – yeah! Hello! Take a look at the crime – it doesn’t take a genius to figure out somebody related to these people killed them. The Manson family is long gone.

Anyway, at first there was all kinds of big media coverage, but once Vincent Brothers (an elementary school Vice-Principal) turned himself in and later released, attention faded. After about a year of paid vacation he was arrested and charged with the murders, but by then we were all caught up with the whole Laci Peterson thing so no one seems to care much about Brothers now. That’s crazy! We’re talking about an entire family shot to death!!

Now his lawyer is trying all sorts of tricks to get him off including stalling and claims of prosecutorial misconduct. Please. The dude is unaccounted for from July 2 to July 8 and he rented a car in Ohio and put a jillion miles on it.

Hmmmm… I wonder why.

Licence, registration and hands behind your head.

“Officer shoots at man, then arrests him” reads a headline in today’s paper. The article doesn’t explain how or why, just that “A Bakersfield police officer shot at a man during a traffic stop Wednesday morning but missed and then arrested the 24-year old man.”

Hmmmmm…. Maybe he didn’t have his registration. What a scumbag.

Conference Time

http://www.bpcbakbusconf.com

The Bakersfield Business Conference is this weekend. This is the 20th Anniversary. Instead of building a giant tent this year they’re holding the event downtown in streets surrounding Centennial Garden. Great – downtown is going to be even crazier this weekend.

I wish I could sneak in. John Cleese is going to be there. It’d be cool to see him. Also speaking are Dennis Miller, Julie Andrews and Dr. Hubbard. Cooollll. Of course there’s also dudes like Peter Ueberroth and Neil Cavuto. Boring. There are 22 speakers in all. But the best thing is Herman’s Hermits is playing! I thought they were dead. If only I had $425 bucks to blow.

Quotes from the website about past conferences:

"A lawyer planned a picnic in California's rural heartland and 9,600 decided to come--including three former presidents," wrote the Associated Press Sacramento Bureau Chief, Doug Willis, in a 1993 story that was picked up by newspapers around the nation. Residents of Bakersfield have always known this "All American City" has much to offer. Thanks to the Conference, the world is seeing Bakersfield in a new light.”

"BusinessWeek Magazine writes, "The event counters the image of the city as Hicksville...Any event that can turn a dusty little California town into a Mecca for the rich and famous invites imitation."

So, Bakersfield is going to be blugging at the seems with famous people this weekend. If they only knew how close they are going to be to the ghetto. I hope know body takes a wrong turn.

Space Hogs

SpaceShipOne

So a guy from Mojave won 10 million bucks for building a mini space ship and flying into sub-orbital space twice. That’s pretty cool and all, but I’m not impressed with the goal of all this space work. A bunch of billionaires are hoping to provide trips into sub-orbital space for wealthy people by 2007. Hello…wealthy people are already taking trips into space!! Remember the rich dude that took a ride on one those space shuttles? And he went into orbit! None of this sub-orbital wussy stuff. I want to go into orbit (insert giggle here). What’s up with all this “let’s take the rich folks to space” b.s.? Why not shoot to make it affordable for everybody to go by 2007. Besides, if they're so freaking rich that they can afford to go to space, don’t you think there’s better things they can do with their money? Like Oprah. I love Oprah. Gimme a car.

Stupid, greedy rich people. Keeping space all to themselves.

b.t.w...

I hate the Twins, the Astros, the Cardinals, the Angels and most especially - the muther bleeping Braves.

I poo poo on the lot of you.

p.s. I concede that this the year of the Cards.

Take me out

I love October. May is good too, but October is better. My birthday is in October, as is my son’s and numerous other friends. The weather is practically perfect. Mid 80’s in the day and lowish 60’s at night. There is Halloween, autumn leaves and Oktoberfest. My best friend in the world is getting married this October and I get to be in the wedding! And…best of all…most importantly of all…there is baseball. Post-Season, Play-0ff, World Series baseball. It’s the only sport that combines athleticism, team work, strategy, math and drama. It’s the only major league sport without cheerleaders OR a time limit (it aint over till it’s over, baby.) No other sport can claim to be as rich in tradition, history and mysticism. And it’s the only sport, where in the middle of the game (well, not exactly the middle), everybody stops to sing a song (regardless of team loyalties) of love & joy to the only game that truly embodies the American spirit. Anybody who thinks baseball is boring just isn't smart enough to know better.

Life just doesn’t get any better than this.

Where's the hand basket?

I have been awake since 3 o’clock this morning. I do like to wake up early, but somewhere around 5:30 or 6:00 is more like it. Evidently someone in my neighborhood thought 3 AM was better, because that is when he began yelling “WOOOOO HOOOOO” at the top of his lungs while standing in my yard. I woke up with the first holler and began hollering myself after the third. This, unfortunately, only encouraged him. After informing him that I was calling the cops he invited me to join him on the lawn to “do somethin’ about it.” I was tempted. But it was dark and cold and I was in my warm, cozy bed so I decided to remain where I was and seethe quietly with contempt. “That’s what I thought” he slurred as he tore a branch from the orange tree and staggered away. (What do people have against trees around here?) The man proceeded down the street like a town crier screaming out “WOO HOO” to the entire neighborhood. Now, most people would roll around for a while, perhaps turn over thoughts of murder and then drift back off to sleep. I am not most people. I was once compared to the “Princess and the Pea.” In order to sleep I need complete darkness, complete silence and at least 3 pillows.

So, I have been awake since 3, I have to go to work at 8 and I’m going to be ready to fall over by noon. And the playoffs start today!!!! The playoffs!!! This is going to be a very long day. Thanks random drunk dude.

Gangland, USA

This is what I found when I stepped outside for a walk Saturday morning. I mean, tagging is bad enough... but a tree!! How tacky and just totally awful it that? A big, beautiful, nice, old tree.

This kind of stuff really, really makes me mad.

oh...my...gawd...

I took my son to a BHS football game tonight... and dropped him off!! I was going to stay and watch the game (and maybe take some pictures for the blog) but I could not find one single friend to go with me. Lord knows my son was not going to sit by his mother's side all night. So I dropped him off with his (new, birthday - use it too much and I'll kill you) cell phone and plans to meet his friends. I told him "Don't do drugs" and "I love you."

His response was, "I love you too Mommy." And I knew I had nothing to worry about.

Ahhh...memories.

A friend of mine asked me to dog sit today and some how it involved me taking her to work – so get this…I went to West High School this morning. Yup – it looks exactly the same. Well almost. There is a big green fence all the way around the school and the student parking lot was barely half full!! I could not believe my eyes.

I stuck my head out the window and started screaming at the kids headed in the wrong direction to “go to school.”