I had a very productive day today. I haven’t been this productive since….well, since the last time I was this productive. And from the looks of my house, it was a very long time ago. I swept, mopped, dusted, did the laundry and the dishes, went through old bills and shredded them, put the laundry away, cleaned the bathroom, and moved things to remove hidden dust bunnies. See, I told you I was productive. Now if I could only keep it this way. I think maybe I should go stay with a friend for awhile. The only way to keep my place clean is to not be there.
When I was done with all my chores I went shopping for candles to help make my nice clean house smell good and look pretty. I burn candles nearly every single night in the winter; not so much in the summer. The A/C makes then burn weird. After dropping a butt load of money on a bunch of crap I don’t really need, I decided to burn even more money that could really be put to better use, so I went clothes shopping. On the way to the next store I saw a car sporting the following license plate frame: On the top it said “F**K YOU!” and on the bottom it said “Eat my Diarrhea.” I kid you not. Someone actually spent their hard earned money, purchased a custom made license plate frame, and elected to put “Eat my Diarrhea” on their car. Oh.My.God. What kind of person has that as his motto? That’s what he wants the world to know about him? Somehow I imagine that dude has trouble getting a date.
The idiot and his license plate frame were still on my mind while I shopped, so I just kind of got in and got out real quick. I bought two pairs of pants and two sweaters from Mervyn’s . As I was leaving I made sure to look around the parking lot. It was starting to get dark, and you can never be too careful. Plus, after having my friend nearly stabbed to death, I’m a little wearier of strangers.
As I was getting into my car I noticed a man out of the corner of my eye who kind of looks like he was coming my direction. I was hard to tell because another car was backing out and it sort of looked like he was just walking around it. I froze and stared at him, at which point he definitely started walking right at me. When he was about 6 feet away, before he could get a word out of his mouth I glared at him with my meanest glare (the one my Dad taught me) and said loudly, “NO!” Right about the same time I was making my announcement he said, “Can I borrow fifty cents?” Again I said no, but the second time sounded even meaner. I couldn’t help it, he scared the begeezus outta me. What the hell? He’s not my buddy – how am going to LOAN him fifty cents? I’m sure he meant will I GIVE him fifty cents. And again, what the hell? Why I should I give money to a dude who thinks it’s perfectly okay to walk to a woman in a dark parking lot and ask for money.
“Where’s that dude with the license plate?” I thought to myself as I locked the door. “I’d like to show it to that guy.”
Stumble It!
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