Monday, April 02, 2007

Hot Child in the City

This is my new friend. She said I could use her real name or make one up for her, so I have decided to call her Donna. Donna lives in LA and stumbled across my blog a few months ago. Believe or not, she actually liked it! She sent me a lovely email to which I responded, "What? Are you high?" Once she assured me she was drug free, we quickly became friends. A few months ago I drove down to LA to meet her and she and I had a great time running around Hollywood looking for prostitutes. Ever since then I've been trying to get her to come to Bakersfield, because you know, Bakersfield totally kicks Hollywood's ass.

This weekend she finally came.

So of course the first thing I did was take her to Dewar's. I had given her a box a chews when I visited and Dewar's was the first place she asked about when she got here. We enjoyed an ice cream and she stocked up on Chews. I was pleased to see the animal heads had returned. (Wow. I'd never imagine I would say those words.) The last time was there they were gone and I was trying to tell Donna about them. She agreed, nothing says homemade ice cream parlor like a couple of dead animal heads mounted on a wall.

After Dewar's I took Donna on a drive around town to show here that not everyone in town drives a tractor. Then we went to dinner at Mama Roomba's.

Y'all know how much I love this place.

We ordered the Tuna Tartar.

Sweet potato fries, Empandas, and Ceviche (which you can't see because I already ate it all.)

After dinner we headed over the World Famous Guthrie's Alley Cat. Bartenders Roger and Bubba were kind enough to poise for a picture with Donna. Then they demanded she show them her boobs.

Donna was quite taken with the strange perfume machine in the bathroom at the Alley Cat, and despite my protests put a quarter in and sprayed us both with a distinctive skunk oder. (That assisted greatly later on when we tried to hit on dudes.)

After the Cat we headed to The Mint. I had promised to give her the Grand Tour of Bakersfield Bars, so we weren't wasting anytime.

By the time we got to The Mint. Donna was feeling pretty good, as you can see. She is ass slapping happy.

She even tried to hit on a couple of guys, who turned away in horror of the ghastly smell. (Not really, she just wanted a picture of their jackets.)

Next we headed down to The Silver Fox. Mike and Terry were very busy, but they served us right away.

I decided maybe Donna had enough when she began molesting innocent pool players.

But I couldn't leave with getting a pic of these three wowing the karaoke crowd with their rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. They actually sounded really good.

We started the long walk home, but decided to stop by The Mint again to use the restroom.

Donna once again became enthralled with the machine in the bathroom. Apparently all the machines in LA just have tampons. Here? We have stinky perfume and novelty condoms.
Makes perfect sense to me.

After the pee stop we decide to check out the band for awhile. They were pretty good, but it was time for this old lady to get to bed, so this was the end of our Wild Night Out.


The next morning I took her to my favorite Saturday morning breakfast spot. Narducci's for the "Lumber Jack Breakfast."

Actually, they just call it the Steak and Eggs. But look at it! Doesn't it look like a Lumber Jack would that for breakfast?

Thanks for the visit Donna! I had a great time and I hope you loved Bakersfield as much as I do.
No, wait....more.