Mean Monkeys in the Closet

In 1971, the edge of the universe, for me, was located just beyond the corner of Akers and Planz. My house was on a tiny cul-de-sac in a small town surrounded by dirt fields and farm land. I was four years old. I remember playing with my brother and sister, the little girl my mom babysat who almost drowned in our pool, and collecting penny toads at the sump. But my clearest, most vivid, and life altering memory is of the time a monkey attacked me in the backyard.

My siblings and I spent most of our summer days outside. My mother would literally tell us to "go outside and play" then lock the door behind us so she could get her housework done. The evenings were usually spent together, around the table, and then, either reading or watching whatever my father deemed worthy of viewing. Most of the time we read. On special occasions, he would BBQ hamburgers and we would sit at the picnic table under the patio and eat juicy, cheesy burgers and drink Pepsi.

One evening, after preparing my burger (with Miracle Whip and sweet pickle chips) I sat down at the table to enjoy my meal while the rest of my family constructed their burgers inside. I was the youngest, which is probably why I was served first.

As I was swinging my boney legs beneath the bench, feeling the warm tightness of my skin in the sun, and enjoying the first bites of burger - I was suddenly startled by a frightening sight. A Spider Monkey came flying (Wizard of Oz style) over the fence and leaped onto the table RIGHT IN FRONT ME. Baring his tiny, sharp teeth, he began screeching and clawing his boney little fingers at me. Let us all pause for a moment to take in how COMPLETELY terrifying and OUT OF THE NORM this experience would be FOR ANYONE - let alone for a little girl living in small town Bakersfield.

Needless to say, I totally freaked out! I ran into the house and slammed shut the sliding glass door. By this time, with me sobbing uncontrollably, my family joined me at the window. The monkey proceeded to consume my burger, clenched in his tiny, furry fists, while continuing to shriek at us all gawking at him through the window. Now, I know this sounds awful, and crazy, and surreal, but trust me, it gets worse. After devouring my homemade, yummy, BBQd cheeseburger, this animal, THIS BEAST, then began to jump and claw and scratch at the sliding glass door behind which my family and I had taken refuge. He basically tried to attack us – begging for more food. That creature went ballistic.

I don’t remember how it was all resolved. I guess I blocked most of it out of my memory. But I do know it had something to do with our nearby neighbors "The Mears" of racecar fame.

I was left scared. I spent most of my childhood afraid of the "mean monkeys in the closet" and caused my sister (who is seven years older) many hours of headache over my nightmares.

To this day, I cannot watch the Wizard of Oz with out wiggin' out.

I sold my car and bought a new one. Check it out. I'm running all over town taking care of business, but I thought I'd post another pic of the sky cuz we've been having such crazy weather lately.

And my friend made me do it.

Christ over Korn

It looks like the big news today is all about Brian Welch. Nearly 10,000 people attended one of three different services at Valley Bible yesterday to hear Brian speak. The former Korn guitarist talked about his struggles with drug addiction and his dissatisfaction with fame and fortune. One teen interviewed by The Californian said of the message, “I respect it. I wish him the best of luck. It wasn’t enough to change me.”

I suspect that kid still wants to try a little of the fame and fortune first.

B.B.Q&A of L.T.D.

I contacted Waist High's "lovely teenaged daughter" after learning she is a "full time reader of Bake Town" to get the inside scoop on living with the woman who likes to compare herself to a has been department store. L.T.D was kind enough to reply.

You were born in Bakersfield but raised in Portland. What is your impression of Bakersfield, aside from your mother's obsessive love for this town?

Well, I was born there but we moved up here when I was five. When I was little, Bakersfield was beautiful and clean and nice, obviously that has changed. When I go back it hurts sometimes because that isn't the place I grew up in, it's dirty and filled with graffiti and there isn't any greenery and it really makes me appreciate Portland. A good quote that is fit for this question is "Fish does not know water, as man does not know self" That means that the fish only stays in the water and he doesn't know the opportunities that lie above the surface because he has been underwater his whole life. Just like people in Bakersfield, if you never leave the hellhole, you think it's the greatest thing on earth. But once you venture away from it and you see real trees and non-graffitied walls then you realize there are better things that the dried up kern river.


How difficult is it to the be the "lovely teen aged daughter" of the "half baked, whack job in Portland" ?

It's not difficult, it's just annoying. My mom will just post about me being PMS-y without my permission and tell everyone on the internet about my bad hair day, etc etc. She is very strange. Let me just say two words here: Fake Uggs. My mother thinks that the Target version of uggs plus a lifevest, looks attractive. And yes, she does prance around town wearing pink target fake uggs. I just pretend I don't know her. And if she talks to me in public I just say, "NO lady, I don't have money to spare."


Do you have any favorite places in B-town and if so what are they? (I'm assuming your crazy mother is not taking you to Amestoy's to get drunk on cheap drinks. Yet.)

My favorite place to eat is obviously Mexicali and I like to go to Dewar's for dessert. Oh, and In-N-Out. Other than that, Bakersfield is pretty lame.


How do you deal with your mother's OCD over her former high school and have you considered having her institutionalized?

Honestly, I think it's ridiculous. Highschool is not that great, I know that 20 years after I graduate I won't be scanning pictures of people I don't even talk to anymore, and driving by the school just to remember the days. I'm bouncing out of here once I'm 18 and I don't plan on looking back. My Mom needs to get a life, and an ipod.

And yes, I have considered having her institutionalized, the woman is whack.

(There you have it! Thanks L.T.D! We feel your pain. B.T.)

Is that a “Ghost Busters” shirt???

I’m sorry I haven’t been blogging, but it’s a beautiful day and I am working in my garden.



I went out last night with my friend Gee.



We went to the Silver Fox to see Terry, the former bartender from the Padre.


It was Karaoke night, and there were these two cool dudes singing Sinatra songs all night.


Just as I was leaving I met two young men who were very sweet.

This a good one.

I have to admit, Waist High can sometimes be funny. I found this particularly amusing.

Sensei my butt.

Neat idea.

I came across this blog and I thought it was really interesting. It'd be fun if we could do something similar with a local theme.

Oh Brother!

Vincent Brothers is in the news again. Shann Kern, the mother of the only child Vincent didn’t kill, has frozen his assets, so it looks like his attorney may have to work for free. I can’t believe this guy still hasn’t even had a preliminary hearing. He’s been in jail for a year already.

Further down in the article Kern says she believes Brothers has “at least three more children” still living. Holy crap! This guy was impregnating women all over the place.

I was sort of joking when I said “the only child he didn’t kill.” He is innocent until proven guilty. But I don’t think it’s looking too good for him. His mother-in-law, estranged wife, and three kids were found murdered in their home back in 2003. Conveniently, Brothers was out of town at the time. Not so conveniently, the rental car he was driving was found to have an exorbitant number of miles on it. Enough miles to drive from Ohio where he was visiting his brother, to Bakersfield and back again. After investigating him and following him around for a year, he was finally arrested in April 2004.

Since then Brothers’ brother in Ohio claims that he was coerced into saying Vincent asked him to use his credit card and sign his name while he was gone. Now he says that Brothers was there the whole time. Smells a little fishy to me.

Wouldn’t it be cool if Court TV came to town and we got to watch the whole trial on cable? Sounds like it’s going to be a very interesting case.

Interesting

There’s an article in the local section today talking about the diagnosis “brain dead.” Doctors say there is no hope for a miracle but often that is just what families are hoping for. The family of the Wasco inmate who has been brain dead since Jan.19 says that he “deserves the opportunity to have a second chance at life.” When families refuse to accept the reality of the situation hospitals will wait and send in specialists but they can legally remove the patient from life support without family consent.

According to the article “such cases are more frequent in metropolitan cities, but it is rare for a doctors in Bakersfield to do so.”

W.U.D.

With all rain we’ve had lately, the sky has been really beautiful. Today the clouds have settled into the valley and the bleak, gray sky has returned. Yuck. Another storm is expected next week, which may be good for me, but isn’t so good for LA and other areas already soaked. Somebody told me that LA has had more rain this year than Portland. Take that W.H!

Billy Goat Acres my Ass!

If you think the term Bako is bad, just wait till you get a load of this one. In the “Sound Off” portion of the Local section today, someone totally unloaded on Mike Jenner, the Executive Editor for the Californian, over a picture in Saturday’s paper. The picture was of a rainbow “as seen from 18th Street in downtown Bakersfield.” The author accused the paper of perpetuating the “hick town” image and attacked The Californian for being a “one-horse newspaper.” He also exclaimed that “this might be a picture of the outskirts of Ford City or Billy Goat Acres” but the suggestion of reflecting it as a representation of downtown Bakersfield was a “stupid idea.” He then went on to claim that “there is no way to determine the damage this one photo could have done to efforts of the many that have done their best to promote Bakersfield as an “All American City…”

Although I am encouraged to find another citizen concerned about our city’s ‘image’ and I agree that The Californian does not always (usually?) project the image I think many of us would like to convey, I don’t see how a picture of a rainbow, no matter where it is taken from, can be all THAT detrimental. It’s a freakin’ picture of a rainbow for heavens sake. Again, I must say - get the panties out of your ass!

As far as I’m concerned, this man’s “sound off” is more detrimental to our negative self image than the picture is – by far.

Howdy Heather!

Like I said in a recent BBQ&A, the thing I’ve enjoyed most about blogging is meeting other Bakersfieldian’s all over the world. They are the reason I post updates about the weather and the news. I think it’s interesting how people who grew up here may move away, but they maintain their interest in what is going on in Bakersfield. I recently discovered another former resident with a blog. Everybody – this is Heather. Heather – this is everybody.

Welcome home Heather! (cute pic!)

Sheriffs Kick Ass

Back in 2003 KGET broke a news story that is so hilarious it's worth mentioning again. Someone working at the Kern County Sheriff’s Department thought it would be a great idea to make decals for the patrol cars that read “We’ll Kick Your Ass.” Of course after the public got wind of the joke all hell broke loose. But the best part is, you can still buy shirts and stuff.

Ya can’t get more “typical Bakersfield” than that.

Huh?

In January 2003 Lakeview Avenue, a street name synonymous with drugs, gangs, crime and flying bullets, was renamed Martin Luther King, Jr. Boulevard. Since then, according to an article in the paper today, the “words associated with the area are shootings, murder and gangs.”

The headline for the article reads “New street name and new outlook.”

Trains kill

I just learned a surprising statistic about Kern County. According to The Californian, “an average of 10 people die at railroad crossings each year.” That’s crazy. Apparently there are still many railroad crossings throughout the county with no safety arms. Last week a train killed a sweet little old lady after she became disoriented in the dark and ended up stuck on the tracks. How awful. Residents who use the intersection regularly call the crossing “a death trap.” With all the development in the northwest and the increased traffic we can expect to see a lot more casualties if something isn’t done fast.

If you happen to be driving around any country roads - be careful! It’s dangerous out there.

Think outside of the Bake Box

I found an interesting letter in the Opinion section of the paper today. Steve Perez offered a good explanation for the “brain drain” going on in Kern County. There has been a lot of talk in the news lately about the lack of “white collar” employment in city a whose population is exploding. Perez believes that the problem “has to do with the decision-making philosophy of local leaders -- always choosing the quick-buck, short-term decision rather than the more difficult, long-term investment. Interestingly, many of Bakersfield's most controversial decisions came down to that philosophy: sludge, mega-dairies and extending the 58 and 178 freeways in the 1960s and 1970s.” Personally, I don’t like to point fingers when it comes to complex issues like this, but I have to admit Perez makes a very good point.

His argument is given credence in another article in the paper today. The piece “More people, more waste” tells us that our sewer systems are not equipped to handle the growing population. According to the article, “In 2000, the city completed a 4-million–gallon-a-day expansion of the treatment plant” and thus “figured they were good until 2010.” Now they’re scrambling to develop bigger sewage treatment plants to keep up with the growth.

I cannot claim to know anything about city planning, but it does seem to me that we need leaders who will stop thinking about Bakersfield as a “small town” and start thinking about the “big city” we have already become.

Git 'em.

The Local section of the paper today has an article about the growing mountain lion problem in California. In 2004 three people killed. Before that the last time anyone was attacked was in 1995. The cats have been spotted in some populated spaces, but all of the attacks occurred in remote areas.

Assemblyman Bill Maze, gun in hand, is ready to take action against these crazed animals. He wants to pass a bill allowing people to hunt the cougars. According to Maze, “I’m concerned that we’re going to see some children pecked off by these cats.” He is also hoping to put the fear into the hearts of these animals by allowing drunken trophy hunters to go crazy with their shot guns.

I think I'll avoid hiking in the canyon this summer.

Kountry Komics

Hot item on Ebay! How cool is this?

Bakoblogorama!

Beware! People who hate the term “Bako” may need to skip this post. Bakotopia is expanding its horizons with its very own Bakoblog, and yours truly has been asked to be a contributing writer. I am really looking forward to being a part of a team. I hope y’all enjoy it too.

I encourage those of you out there interested in taking part in a blog for Bakersfield by Bakersfield, to send in writing samples!

The Orignial

In final response to Waist High's "You are Gottschalks, I am Brocks" comment I have only this to say. I guess that makes me Dewar's and you RoseMary's.

Cut Korn

The big news today is all about Brian Welch’s decision to leave Korn. The announcement posted on the band’s website says Brian “has chosen the Lord Jesus Christ as his savior, and will be dedicating his musical pursuits to that end.” I’ve met Brian and he seems to be a very nice guy. He is a good friend of the husband of one of my best friends. From what I know of him and after reading the article in The Californian, I would venture to guess that his leaving has more to do with getting out of the party scene. A rock-n-roll tour bus isn’t exactly the best place to raise a kid. Nevertheless, I won’t be surprised if he isn’t given a hard time. Especially after that statement on the Korn website.

For what it's worth, I admire Brian’s dedication to his daughter and his courage to stand up to the pressures around him. I wish him all the best in the future.

Going Gonzo!

I was very busy all weekend, so I’m just now starting to catch up on the news. I was surprised to learn that Hunter S. Thompson committed suicide.

After searching for info to learn more, I came across this quote from the New York Times. “Mr. Thompson's approach in many ways mirrors the style of modern-day bloggers, those self-styled social commentators who blend news, opinion and personal experience on Internet postings. Like bloggers, Mr. Thompson built his case for the state of America around the framework of his personal views and opinions.” (By Michael Slackman 2/22/05)

I’m not about to go tearing around Vegas popping pills and sniffing ether, but it is nice to be in such good company.

There, there little bear.

My megalomaniac friend Waist High recently referred to me as an “epigone” on her blog. I would have been insulted were I not so excited that she managed to used the word correctly in a sentence. It appears my tutelage is paying off. It is true that her blog is all of 6 months older than mine. After reading Waist High a few times I knew I could do better, thus Bake Town was born.

Since then we have battled back and forth over who has the best Bakersfield blog. You would think that the fact I am the #1 hit for “Best Bakersfield blog” would be enough to convince her. But alas, W.H. is a slow learner. Even her gasconade display of the quote made by Fresyes has not improved her status.

I understand how frustrated you must feel W.H. and so I will ignore your silly little taunts. I won't try to crush your spirit by telling you Bake Town also out ranks Waist High in a search for "Frank Amestoy's of Bakersfield."

Don’t worry W.H., I promise to remember you when I’m famous.

Beating the dead horse.

I took my son to breakfast at the 24th Street Café yesterday. During the course of the meal I told him about the debate over the term Bako and asked his opinion. He said he thinks of it as a shortened form of Bakersfield. Sort of like L.A. he said. Then he pointed out that saying BKFLD is too awkward. When I told him about the comments Elvisload made he burst out laughing. You gotta be in pretty bad shape to have a 15 year old boy call you immature.

In the end I found that most of you are not offended by the nickname but the people who are feel pretty strongly about it. I think the Little Lebowski said it best when he said it sounds like a word used “by the backwards-hat-wearing, twenty something bar crowd that likes to inflict bodily harm unto one another after a couple of drinks.” Now there’s a crowd I can relate to. Yee haw!!

Let us never speak of this again. Amen.

Flash back to 1980.

Oh. My. Gawd! I just saw the original B-52’s performance of Rock Lobster on Saturday Nite Live (circa 1980.) All I have to say is… hell yeah! Gimme more. This new generation has NO idea what they are missing. "Jane - you ignorant slut!."

(Every time I hear that song I think of Ricki Ayers, Shakey's Pizza, and "raspy" Blue Daiquiri Ice Sherbet. God bless him and his brothers. May they rest in peace.)

Drive my Chevy to the Levy

I have been noticeably absent this weekend. Not because someone called me a “fat pig” but because I have decided to sell my car and purchase another, so I’ve been obsessing about it for days. What I really want, I can’t afford, and what I can afford I don’t really want. I’ve been scouring the internet looking for the best car and I drove out to the Auto Mall twice looking for the best deal. In the end, I decided to buy my friend’s car. She lives right down the street and is willing to give me a good price.

So now I’m all excited to sell my car. It’s a good car; it’s just not my style. It’s my Papa’s style. He bought the car new in 1995 and drove it down the street to the store a couple of times a week. When he turned 91 and the DMV refused to renew his license, he sold it to me. My last car was a little convertible – no power nothin’. It took effort to drive that car. Effort, determination and stamina. I loved that car and I drove it until death did us part. It’s buried in the back yard.

Needless to say, I had a hard time adjusting to my change in transportation. The front seat of the Lumina is so soft and plush, I feel like I’m sitting on a sofa. Everything has so much power, driving is effortless. I was afraid I was going to nod off cruising down Truxtun Ave. I love the A/C. It can be 110 outside, but within seconds of starting my car and turning on the air I would be blasted into the backseat by the arctic winds. I’m going to miss that A/C.

I started with an ad on Bakotopia. Pass the word around. Anyone looking for a great running car with LOW miles and a CHEAP price – see me. ($200 Tercel – Maybe you should consider it!)

This is a lucky car. I won an iPod mini during the same period of time I owned it. Plus, the trunk has enough room for several dead bodies.

Bako or no Bako?

I am fascinated by the reactions (and in some cases emotions) I am hearing regarding the term “Bako.” I don’t understand why it seems so unflattering. I’ve heard people call my town Bakerstucky. Bako seems pretty harmless to me. Nevertheless, I hate to think I am offending or angering anyone by saying it, so I need some feedback here. Who hates “Bako” and who doesn’t? Let's resolve this once and for all in a civilized manner.

p.s. I’m afraid I had to delete Elvisload’s comments because he used the F word too many times, and I strive to keep this a family site. Sort of like Disneyland. Suffice it to say he, called me a fat pig and questioned WHY he would ever want to read my archives. I find the fact that he would try to insult me (or anyone) by calling me a “fat pig” hilarious and the only answer I can give him is – for the same reason you’re reading this blog in the first place. Duh.

Rain-bow-sky

And the answer is....

W.H. answers back to the B.B. Q&A

How does it feel to be the No. 2 Bakersfield blogger?

Do you enjoy badgering me Bake Town?
Didn’t I teach you everything you know?
You may be the No. 1 Bakersfield Blogger, but I was the first. I am the O.G. You are Gottschalks, I am Brocks... (B.T. hanging head in shame…)

2. Why don't you write about where you live? Does it suck that bad?

The standard for “Blogging” is much higher here than it is for the Bakersfield community. (B.T. Cute – BUT! IF that is the case wouldn’t you have been run out of town LONG ago for all your “waist high” stories?)

3. How in the hell do you know the birthday of every single 80’s rocker?

Richard Blade speaks to me through my espresso maker. (B.T. Scarey - but probably true.)

4. Why do you think you developed OCD over West High?

Wouldn’t you if you were in possession of the only copy of the poem “West High In Less Than An Hour”...

The school’s all green
The teachers are mean
They don’t even keep the bathrooms clean

The freshman look funny
The principal is a dummy
Mr. _______’s so old, he’s almost a mummy

Mr. _______ is a ____
____ __________ makes me sick
When Chrissy lights up
_____ flicks her bic

B.T. - Have no idea what to say now.... (insert whistleing sounds.)

5. What is your favorite thing to do when you visit Bakersfield? (Besides get drunk and going to Mexicali.)

I have been taking walks on the same route since 1988. I did it to loosen up my baby box when I was pregnant with My (Now) Lovely Teenaged Daughter. (More than getting drunk), it is what I look forward to the most. I begins in Westwood Estates, winds back through eastern Amberton then through Kern City, past Sundale Golf Club and then back down through Westwood. Most peaceful thing ever. Although sitting in the West High bleachers is a close second...

6. Do your friends in Oregon think you’re as strange as your friends from Bakersfield do?

I don't have any friends in Oregon... (B.T. – What EvEr!)

7. What is your fondest memory of your time in Bakersfield?

You really have to ask? (B.T. Good point – but I was talking about specifics! Details! We want details!)

8. What do you miss most about Bakersfield after you haven’t visited in a long time? (Besides getting drunk and going to Mexicali.)

The sun. (B.T.- Huh.)

9. What is your reaction when you hear someone talking crap about Bakersfield?

I scare them with my crazy face. I cross my eyes. I tell them to move away because I know Judo. They say “What?” I tell them I know Judo and they better watch out. They say “What?” again.
I tell them,“Judo know if I got a knife. Judo know if I got a gun. Judo know if I got keys...” (B.T. That’s the best answer I EVER HEARD!)

10. Oh, Keeper of the Sacred High School Memorabilia - When are we going to have our 1st blogger convention?

When I start getting some respect up in here. (B.T. Yeah, right.)

One day

Bird, moon & sky



Left over storm clouds



What's next?

Oh, no you DIDN'T

I just found a comment on my blog I had somehow missed before. Here it is, as posted by Elvisload:

“I'll tell you what's embarasing...referring to Bakersfield as Bako...don't try and be cool in the way you speak at the sacrifice of our town's dignity. And don't try to empress out of towners by taking them to the wine cellar... take them to Basque... show some balls.”

So...balls in hand, here is my somewhat belated reply….

#1 As a resident of BAKERSFIELD for the past 30++ years, I can assure you that when I (and my friends) refer to “Bako” is it in no way meant to be either derogatory nor negative. As far as I am concerned, it is a term of endearment. Again, as a long time resident of this community, I would venture to guess that most people would agree with me. I’m not sure how using Bako “sacrifices” our “town’s dignity.” Personally, I think if you can’t joke about it, you are not in touch with reality.

#2. I don’t have to try to “be cool,” I just am. I’m cool in my own strange, dorky, endearing, Bako way. So step off.

#3 If you had been paying ANY attention to what I have written over the past few months, you should be HUMILIATED by your suggestion that I! one of the biggest supporters of Basque restaurants (I’m talking huge) IN TOWN, should “take them to Basque.” Why don’t you take a minute and try and catch up with the rest of us.

I suggest you get the panties out of your ass.

Drivin' in the Rain

Sirens have been screaming down my street (and I imagine many others) all day long. It’s a very scary (and somewhat humorous) fact that when it rains in Bakersfield, accidents happen. I’m not sure if ‘accident’ is really the best way to describe it, considering they usually happen as a result of people refusing to slow down and not taking road conditions into consideration. A couple of days ago I saw THREE cars run red lights in the span of 30 minutes. On the way to work the other day I actually saw a full semi-truck, cargo in tow, run a VERY red light on the corner of 23rd and H Street. That really freaked me out.

About an hour ago I was sitting at a red light on Rosedale Hwy (again! Ugh!) when a fire truck came tearing down the street in the opposite direction. The road was completely blocked – all three lanes. As the fire truck came to a stop behind the traffic jam, everybody looked around not knowing what to do. Not one car even attempted to get out of the way (there was a parking lot right there which could have been turned into) until some good ol’ boy in his Ford pick up, took the initiative and drove up over the cement divider to make room. I feel sorry for the person waiting for that rescue vehicle to arrive.

The same day I saw all those cars run red lights, my friend who was with me told me he feels safer driving in rush hour traffic in LA than he does crossing town in the middle of the afternoon in Bakersfield.

That’s gotta tell you something.

Singin' in the Rain

As you all know, I love to take pictures of the sky and the clouds, primarily for my friends living out of town of course. Here are a few I took today.

The corner of 20th and C streets – looking east.



The same corner – looking west.



A small tulip tree. There are many others that are much bigger around, but this one was the closest.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

Back in my day kids were still cruising Chester. Of course it wasn’t like it was in the 50’s. Mostly it was a bunch of dirty head bangers and their skanky girlfriends in tight fitting, poorly designed 80’s clothes. Nonetheless, every now and then we would take a trip down the strip to make fun of people and scout for cute boys. We actually found some once.

Cruising down Chester came to an end with the 80’s, so the kids moved to a new location. According to an article in the paper today, “cruisers often bounce back and forth between Ming Ave and Niles.” The cops have been trying to clamp down on the kids and issued several citations this weekend. According to the article, “about 100 vehicles” filled the Copeland's parking lot, while many more gathered down the street in the Zody’s parking lot.

The image of hundred of kids cruising Ming Ave in front of my old high school makes me laugh. I think I’ll grab my son and go for a little drive tonight. Just for fun.

B eBay

Cruising around eBay recently I decided to do a search on “Bakersfield.” (Actually, Amy gave me the idea.) There’s some pretty cool stuff out there. Here are a few items currently up for bid.

There is a couple of old Kern County Fair posters.

A 1929 ‘folder’ of the “Famous Ridge Route” between Los Angeles and Bakersfield.

Several old postcards.

AND!
Baseball cards featuring Mike Piazza and Pedro Martinez playing for the Bakersfield Dodgers. (How cool is that?)

W.U.D.

It looks like the rain they’ve been predicting all week is finally here. It has been raining for hours and there doesn’t seem to be any sign of it letting up. I haven’t seen this much rain since El Nino. Remember how the baseball field at Patriots Park would fill with water and people would drag their boats out there to float around? That was cool.

The forecast shows rain every day for the next five days. I can’t help but think they’re being overly optimistic.

C.S.O.B.

Guess what truck I saw cruising down Rosedale Hwy last night? Yup - it was the Crazy Ass Cracker. I might have to start a whole new feature. C.A.C.S. - Crazy Ass Cracker Sighting.

A B.B. Q&A for W.H.

After a brief go a round on the trash talking circuit Waist High recently praised Bake Town for doing a “superb job.” But not before challenging me to answer “the tough questions” - which I did in short order.

I believe it is time for W.H. to stop dancing around the truth and face some tough questions herself. Questions like:

1. How does it feel to be the No. 2 Bakersfield blogger?

2. Why don't you write about where you live? Does it suck that bad?

3. How in the hell do you know the birthday of every single 80’s rocker?

4. Why do you think you developed OCD over West High?

5. What is your favorite thing to do when you visit Bakersfield? (Besides get drunk and going to Mexicali.)

6. Do your friends in Oregon think you’re as strange as your friends from Bakersfield do?

7. What is your fondest memory of your time in Bakersfield?

8. What do you miss most about Bakersfield after you haven’t visited in a long time? (Besides getting drunk and going to Mexicali.)

9. What is your reaction when you hear someone talking crap about Bakersfield?

10. Oh, Keeper of the Sacred High School Memorabilia - When are we going to have our 1st blogger convention?

Lesson Learned

A teacher at Fruitvale Jr. High has been put on paid administrative leave for poking his students with a push pin. The creative first year teacher was delivering a lesson on poetry. According to the article in the paper, parents were “outraged” and angrily “stormed the school.”

I’m not sure I’d be pleased to learn my son’s teacher ran around jabbing his students with a push pin. After all, there are diseases that can be spread. Duh. And I’m also not really sure how stabbing kids teaches them poetry. I do give him credit for trying something new. Nonetheless, a mob of angry parents storming the school seems like a bit of an overreaction to me. I keep thinking of that old salsa commerical and imagining one of them looking crossways that the others while saying “Po-e-tree! Somebody git a rope.”

I remember all of us sticking tiny needles in our thumbs in Biology. Do they not do that stuff anymore? I think I heard a lot of schools cut out the dissection portion of the curriculum. If so, that’s a shame. Trust me, I was not thrilled about trying to cut open that rubbery, stiff, smelly, little piglet. But there is something to be gained by the experience.

I think the thing I learned most is that we’re all in the same boat. Sometimes things get rough, but all you have to do is hang in there and before you know it you’ll be looking back fondly on the experience you never thought you’d live through.

Speeding is dangerous

Speed dating is coming to Bako. I wonder if people will stand in line like they did when Red Lobster opened. I’ve been hearing about this speed dating thing and it sounds kind of fun. Of course, I’ve been practicing my own form of speed dating for some time now. A typical speed date for me would be accepting a dinner invitation, listening to him go and on about how Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the best television show ever, then going home and shutting off my phone for a week.

The Californian article did confirm some of my suspicions. Apparently the reason there are no decent men to date is because they’re all married! According to the article “marriage rates are higher in Kern County and Bakersfield than throughout the state and the nation.” Yikes! In addition to this, “Bakersfield people also tend to hang in the same groups from high school on into married life and beyond.” Obviously this is true, but I still don’t get how keeping your high school friends translates into there is no one in town worth dating.

Who knows, maybe this speed dating thing will work, but to tell you the truth I’m skeptical. I mean, as we all know, everybody already knows everybody.

A Sad Story

On January 16th an inmate at Wasco State Prison was shot by a guard in the head with a foam projectile. The incident is under investigation, but so far the story is there was an altercation of some sort and he did not lie on the ground as instructed, so he was shot. Shortly after being admitted to the hospital Daniel Provencio was pronounced brain dead.

Since then he has remained on life support, shackled to the bed and under 24-hour guard. Yesterday the 28 year old was finally released. The State Board of Prison Terms finally saw it fit to return the man to his family.

The family feels they are being pressured to “pull the plug.” Because he has no medical insurance the bills will be paid by Medi-Cal. The hospital has told his family to find a new hospital to take him, but so far all those they appealed to have turned them down.

The family has said that they are planning on leaving him on life support “until God says it’s his time” and that they don’t just want to find a hospital to take care of him, they want “people who will put in effort to try to make him better.”

I feel terrible for this family and what they are going through. I hope I never have to try to deal with something like that. However, in my humble opinion, the family is not being very realistic about the situation. He is not in a coma. Brain dead means he’s a body with a brain that is dead. That is not ever going to change. I found it interesting that there was an article in the local section today about a family in Lake Isabella who recently faced a similar decision.

A 14 year old boy from Kern Valley High School was pronounced brain dead on Monday after being hit in the head by a piece of wood. His family and his community were shocked and saddened by the news. He is described as a “nice kid” and “well liked.” It goes without saying that the parents must be devastated by their son’s death. He was described as being “the center of (his mother’s) universe.” Nevertheless, a decision was made by Tuesday afternoon to donate his organs.

I hope that Daniel’s family can step back for a moment and think about what they really want. The best way to keep him alive at this point is to not waste his death. His organs might be able to help save the lives of several people. They could take comfort in knowing his life was not lived in vain and that his death was not meaningless.

And then, hopefully, they can find some peace.

Fighting Back

Having been ripped off recently and having to pay $150 bucks to replace a tiny little window, has made me particularly sensitive to those who are robbed. It also made me want to post a sign telling the thief that the damage he caused cost more than the items he stole. IDIOT! Today I found a guy who did post a message. He’s asking for help to find his friend’s tools.

I don’t have much interaction with tools and such, but if any of you do, maybe you could help a brutha out.

Bakerswood

Someone recently asked if I could remember a film with Bakersfield in it. I could only think of The Onion Field, that movie about a truck driver and his chimpanzee and when the porta potty washed to shore in Cast Away. Help me out here – what am I forgetting?

Looking for some answers I found this website. These films may or may not have Bakersfield “in it,” but they were all filmed in or around Kern County.

I Won, I Won, I Won, I Won, I Won!!!

Remember when I told y’all about the Bakotopia Valentine’s Day text rap contest? Well..guess who won the iPod? That’s right – uh huh, you know it. I’m da man. Maybe I missed my calling. Maybe I’m supposed to be out there rapping with Snoop Dog and Notorious BIG (wait – he’s dead.) Okay, maybe not.

The contest rules said the rap had to be 100 characters or less (including spaces) so I had to get a little funky with some of the words. Here’s my rap exactly as I entered it:

Lookin 4 a d8 this V-day 1 that I ain’t got to PAY Want sum1 I can woo Sum1 who don’t smell like poo

W.U.D.

The five-day weather forecast predicts rain every day this week. When you look at the Weather section in the newspaper, it shows five gloomy images of dark clouds and pouring rain. From the looks of it we should all be covered in raincoats, galoshes and hiding under umbrellas. Since I don’t own any of those things I just wore flood pants.

Yesterday and early today it did actually rain – Bako style. There was some moisture in the air and the sidewalks momentarily appeared damp. If I hadn’t read the forecast I would have thought someone was watering the lawn.

A B.B.Q&A

(A Bake Town Blog Interview)

Back in January, I discovered something in Bakersfield I had never seen before. Bakotopia. Hoping to promote new ‘cool’ Bakersfield sites (and longing for a free T-shirt) I posted a blog about my discovery. Since then Bakotopia has been nothing but encouraging and supportive. I was a little dumbfounded at first, but then I just got excited. After meeting with Dan the Man behind Bakotopia, I decided that adding a ‘Q & A’ (also known as a BBQ&A) feature might be a good idea. And so… after much anticipation - here is my first interview with a newly active member of the Bakersfield scene.

What did think about Bakersfield when you first got here?

Whenever local people ask me this, they never believe my answer. The first time I walked into downtown Bakersfield, it reminded me of downtown Colorado Springs in Colorado. It must have been a clear Winter day or something, but I remember walking down Chester and just barely seeing the mountains off in the distance, and old buildings like the Fox Theatre. I think old western downtowns share a lot in common, so this was my first impression. And no, I'm not making this up :-)

What did you find most surprising about Bakersfield?

I was surprised at how nice, polite and open-minded people were. You can walk down the street and people make eye contact and say hello to you. Contrast this with people in Washington D.C., which until recently I called home, and Orange County where I've done some work, and it's like night and day. I think people in Bakersfield are very real and honest about who they are. After years of living and working around people who are really into power and status and wealth, I like that. It reminds me more of the people I grew up with.

Had you ever heard of Bakersfield before you came here? What had you heard?

I had heard of it, but mostly from a colleague who began working here a few years ago, and believe it or not everything she told me was good and inspiring. If it hadn't been for that, I probably never would have thought of working in Bakersfield. After reading Baketown, I know that people like Johnny Carson used to poke fun at Bakersfield and that must have seemed really lame to the people who live here, but when I didn't live in Bakersfield I never really heard about it. This reminds me of a weird experience recently where I had just flown into Bakersfield and checked into a hotel. I turned on the TV and there was this hilarious (but rather disparaging) episode of the Jamie Kennedy Experiment that seemed to be all about making fun of Bakersfield. Some L.A. lady from the audience was piloting a talk show (which she had learned of 5 minutes before) about people who sleep with their spouse's friends. All of the fake guests were from Bakersfield and had all slept with each other. All I could think of was -- OK, so here are some Hollywood people complaining about the sexual mores of people in a conservative, traditionally agricultural area to the north, when everyone knows Hollywood is pervert central? It was interesting.

I think L.A. people love to hate Bakersfield because it's easier than acknowledging the morally bankrupt, environmental disaster that they call home. And it's funny that the people to the north of Bakersfield complain about the air quality when it's their pollution that you're breathing. Why do people love to hate Bakersfield so much? I don't get it.

What has been the biggest challenge in getting Bakotopia up and running?

Boy, that's a hard one! Honestly, the hardest thing has been to work so hard to get the site up and have to wait for people to find it, but that's not really answering your questions, is it? ;-) I guess the best answer is that it has been hard to find time to do everything that needs to be done! But that's just part and parcel of launching a web site. I have done this many times in the past, and it's a lot of work every time, but eventually things calm down and go into "autopilot" mode. It's also been hard to find time to properly market Bakotopia and get the word out. We have focused so far on grass-roots methods, but we hope to do more visible marketing in the future -- probably after we improve the site a little more.

We have actually been very lucky in that there have not been any big, hairy, insurmountable problems. The whole process of getting Bakotopia out the door -- while laborious and taxing at times -- has been surprisingly easy compared to other projects I have worked on. We built this site with a ragtag team comprised of myself, part of another Mercado Nuevo employee's time, and three contractors who were not even close to full-time. And all of them have been fabulous! Someone once told me that the secret to success in business is choosing the right people, and that cannot have been more true in this case. We have a few Bakotopia heroes who I would like to publicly acknowledge (in alphabetical order):

Christina Blanton, project manager. Christina does all the things that I don't like or am not good at, but fortunately she likes doing those things and is VERY good at them! This includes things like managing a project schedule, mailing T-shirts and stickers out to fans, printing up magnets and flyers, going to Costco to get stuff that we need, and so forth. Christina fell into our lap right when we needed her, which I took as a sign that things were going to go our way. It was like fate or something.

Jonah Gallon, promotion designer. Jonah creates all of our flyers, newspaper ads, stickers and a lot more. As a former band member and band "flyer guy," he's also our link with the local band community. When I first met Jonah, I thought of that scene in Almost Famous where the old rock writer tells the young kid that "You want to be around these people because they're cool, and you and me, we're just not cool!" Jonah simply secretes coolness, and you can see it in his work (www.bakotopia.com/flyers). Jonah's Web site is www.lucidchild.com.

Mark Jackson, programmer. I have known Mark since I was a kid, and he and my brother used to do nerdy things like hack into high school computer systems and create their own graphics rendering engines. One day I ran into him again, so I invited him to my daughter's 2-year-old birthday party. Somewhere between "Happy Birthday" and opening presents, we got to talking and I learned that he had exactly the skills that I needed for Bakotopia. Plus, he was available! I took this as a sign and we hired him to build Bakotopia. He has since exceeded all expectations, and we're now working with him to create "Phase 2" of Bakotopia, which will be a lot cooler in so many ways that I unfortunately can't tell you! Mark is an absolute software genius, which you can tell from the posts about his experience on his blog here: http://www.educomgov.org/marks2cents/

Rachael Miller, designer for Crooked Tail Productions (www.crookedtail.com) who we contracted to do the site's visual design. Rachael worked with us tirelessly and provided so many logos and design concepts that I quickly lost count. Surprisingly, she still talks to us after that experience. She's a real trooper, and I look forward to working with Crooked Tail in the future.

Do you think Bakersfield is ready to support two online bulletin board thingies?

What do you mean "two?" At my last count, there were at least 5, and that's only the ones I know about. What everyone needs to understand is that people all over the world -- and yes, that includes Bakersfield -- have been using the Internet more and more over the last 10 years. The single greatest thing about the Internet in my opinion is that it helps people connect with each other in ways they could not as easily before, and people in Bakersfield have been finding ways to do that even though you don't hear about it on the street.

Everyone likes to focus on whatever is talked about in "The Media," but I see a lot of online community interactions taking place among Bakersfield residents that are totally under the radar. One day more of them will get enough critical mass to be visible to the Powers that Be.

However, there's a saying that "Once Time Magazine says something is cool, it's already passee." I think that applies to what people in the local media have to say about online community, too. To be honest, I think most of these people don't have a clue of what's going on in these communities and they only write about what their friends at other media organizations in other towns write about. It's follow-the-leader journalism, which is kinda lazy if you ask me (and this is coming from a former journalist). I totally expect some of the smaller, more organic Bakersfield online communities to "grow up" in the next few years. And yes, I think there is room for all of them because they each have their own unique demographics and following. Don't forget that Bakersfield is growing like gangbusters, too, and the people who move here will bring with them the online experiences that they're comfortable with.

Where would you like to see Bakotopia five years from now?

I recall being asked something similar at several job interviews, and my answer was always, "how can I possibly predict what I'll be doing in five years??" But here's a stab for Bakotopia.

In five years, I hope that Bakotopia will be known as THE place for young people in Bakersfield to find others of like minds, interests and goals and share information of any type -- whether that be to buy or sell something, meet the lead singer of a local band and listen to his or her MP3s, or find a good Italian restaurant that other people also like. I want Bakotopia to be all about local connections. And I want it to have a reputation of being free, open and safe. If you look at history, very few societies have achieved all three of those things, but I believe that the online world offers tools that make such a Utopian world more realistic and attainable. And if we can't have Utopia, maybe we can at least have Bakotopia! Sorry, had to get that in there ...

What is your favorite place to eat and what do you like to order?

My current favorite is Miyoshi Japanese Restaurant in the Trader Joe's shopping center at Stockdale and Coffee. The guys who make the sushi and waitresses are really nice, and their Unagi and avocado roll rules! Second to this, I'd have to say Fishlips fish tacos. Third, I like the BLT at Renee's even though I should stop eating it. I'm a slave to bacon! Fourth, I like this garlicky pasta salad at Renee's, which is even worse because it makes my co-workers gag.


A big thanks to Dan for taking the time to be interviewed. You rock! B.T.

Another blog is born

I don’t know how I missed this (the link is right there on Noveltown’s blog) but I discovered another female Bakersfield blogger. It’s always fun to find a new blog to read. Personally, I like to go back to the beginning and read up, but sometimes that’s hard to do.

Either way, I would like to welcome Matildakay to the Bake Town family.

Digging up the past

The Spirit of the Golden Valley, local news station KGET ran a story yesterday about some interesting things construction crews have uncovered recently. Crews working to repair and replace old pipes are digging up the area near 20th and L streets. It's the same area the old Chinatown was located. Yesterday they unearthed an old safe. Their excitement was quickly dashed when they ripped off the door and found nothing inside. Besides the safe they have discovered old bottles, inkwells, and opium pipes.

Makes me want to take a shovel to my back yard.

Missing Laningham

There’s a big article in the paper today about one of the counselor’s at West High. The article describes all the things a high school counselor does from placing students in the correct classes to encouraging them to think about the future. I couldn’t help but think of my own high school counselor Mr. Laningham. He was the greatest. He helped me so much and in so many ways it is quite possible I would not be where I am today were it not for his support. Mr. Laningham helped so many of the people in my class I'm pretty sure we all thought we the greatest.

It takes a great man to make a couple hundred 18 year-olds love him.

Searching

One of my new favorite past times is checking out what types of things people were searching for when they found my site. I have shared some of them with you before but lately I have just been keeping a list of the ones I found most funny or interesting.

Some of them (like the first one) I have actually seen several times. Here they are exactly as they were found.

•Bakersfield sucks
•Overalls craigslist
•Backwardsfield
•Bakersfield whores
•Gigantic Bakersfield, CA
•"bhs" "gossip" "bakersfield"
•WHO IS MISS BAKERSFIELD 2005?
•too many new homes in bakersfield 2005
•bakersfield crawdaddy
•smiths bakery recipe bakersfield ca
•elvis on a tortilla
•Zingo's Food Ad
•rabobank abortion
•graffiti pictures in mexicali
•wool growers ass. Restaurant
•OILDALE HIGH YEARBOOK 1986
•no bake bars with fritos
•imagine me as a...
•worms step on them"
•my car was stolen bakersfield

Bakersfield Blogs

I had heard something about the Californian’s blogs, but I hadn’t seen one until today. They seem pretty cool and interesting so you should check ‘em too.

Not as cool as mine, of course, but still good.

THE Old Time Movie Theatre

There’s an article in the Local section today about a man and his wife who bought and restored the Granada Theater on Kentucky Street. I remember the first time I saw the old theater – I think I was about 20 years old. I just didn’t get over into that part of town very often. It always makes me sad to see the old theaters rotting and vandalized. Luckily enough people were interested in The Fox Theater to do something about it. The Nile and The Tejon were not so lucky. After reading the article today, it appears The Granada is the luckiest theater of all.

The Granada, the oldest remaining theater in Kern County, first opened in 1929. Set just off Baker Street, it was in middle of all the action. As development spread west and modern theaters were built, the Granada was left to transients. Jim Spohn and his wife Lucy purchased the decrepit theater ten years ago and began a “labor of love” to restore it. From the looks of it, they did an amazing job. I think it’s extraordinary that they spent all that time and did all that work just because they wanted to save the old building. Spohn himself plays the pipe organ along with the silent films he shows. Sounds like an awesome experience.

The next show is scheduled for May 1st.

Much worse than a smashed window

A 31-year-old Bakersfield woman was shot and killed while driving down the street yesterday morning. The woman and her cousin where driving near 4th and R Streets when gunfire erupted from a crowd of people standing on the street. She was struck with a bullet to the head. Trina Beavers died a short time later in the hospital. Even though there was a GROUP of people standing there when the shooting occurred, there are no suspects.

I recently joked with my son about being afraid to drive around the neighborhood surrounding Emerson Middle School. The baseball field where my son and his fellow Drillers practice is on P St. It’s a rough area, but I didn’t think it was that rough.

I think it's time for BHS to get a new field.

You have GOT to be kidding me

I just spent the morning calling glass repair shops to get an estimate to repair the window broken on my car. The first place I called told me the price for the part – the tiny, little, triangle window that does not move – was $417.63. I just about messed myself.

You see, I paid off my car about a month ago I decided to sell the car and buy another. Then I found out I wasn’t going to be able get the car I was planning on buying so I called my insurance and asked to return my policy to full coverage. They told me I had to drive the car by a shop so someone could look at it to prove there was no damage. Before I was able to get by the shop, my window was smashed. I called the insurance and they confirmed I have to pay.

I spoke to a few people who told me they had their entire windshield replaced for a couple hundred bucks, so I was thinking the cost to replace my window couldn’t be more than a hundred. WRONG!

After calling the first place I called four others. The estimates got a little cheaper, but the best offer was still $300. Then I talked to a few people who told me to call a shop out on South Union. When I spoke to the woman, she asked me what the best offer I had so far. She came back a little while later and told me they’ll do it for $136.00

I don’t know what they’re planning on using to replace the window but at this point I wouldn’t care if it turned out to be wax paper.

Not again

My car was broken into last night. I forgot to put it in the garage. This is the SEVENTH time my car has been trashed and my stuff was stolen. The rock that was used to smash the window is still lying on the back seat.




This time they/he/she took about 10 CDs (which, trust me, I’m sure they would not like) and my son’s portable disk player that I had been using because I only have a tape player. They also broke my one and only cup holder. Total value of the items taken? Maybe a hundred bucks. Cost for me to repair the window and replace the items stolen? Who knows. Definitely more than a hundred bucks.

If I could have met and talked to the thief BEFORE he smashed my window this is what I would have said…"I understand that you are an idiot, desperate, and most likely a drug addict, but instead of messing up my car, can I please just write you a check?"

Last night

I took my friend to The Wine Seller last night for her birthday. She had never been there and she is not from Bako so I was excited to show her one of the cool spots to go. Unfortunately, it was not the same place I had to been before. The décor was different and the wall that used to separate the dining room from the wine bar was gone. The waitress who had served me many times was nowhere to be seen.

The menu was not exactly the same, but very similar. We ordered brie with fruit for an appetizer and the black and blue flat iron steak for dinner. The appetizer arrived shortly but with out any bread or crackers to spread the cheese on. When we requested some from the waitress she seemed confused. A little while later she delivered several pieces of stale pita bread cut in half. I decided to pass on the pita.

Not long after the appetizer, dinner was served. Our waitress was conscientious enough to ask the chef to split the steak and cook half medium rare and half well done. The meal looked nice, but I immediately noticed something was different. The vegetables were small and unimpressive and the salad was all iceberg. The steak was okay, my friend liked hers better than I did. Overall, I was disappointed. Our waitress was prompt and polite, but she made a faux pas that was so egregious it was clear she had no idea what she was doing. After talking up The Wine Seller to my friend and hoping to prove Bakersfield is not a hick town to a skeptical newcomer, I was totally embarrassed.

After dinner we went to Kosmos to see The Filthies. There wasn’t much of a crowd, but once the band started playing, people were into it.


Camera in hand, I went to the front to take a picture of the band, and immediately ran into Noveltown.


I have never met him before but I just knew it was him and he said he thought I was Bake Town because he had seen me at the Crawdaddy shows.

Typical Bakersfield – everybody knows everybody.

Another pic of the Grapevine for W.H.

Does this not look like the same place your grandmother took her picture?

Meat Town

There’s an article in the Business section of the paper today about how so many Bakersfield residents make steak a regular part of their diet. The local Tahoe Joe’s “is the highest grossing of the nine” in California. The article concludes that the reason for all this red meat consumption can be traced back to our roots, saying “many residents trace their lines back to hearty newcomers from Texas, Oklahoma and Arkansas.”

Now I know what to order when I go out to dinner tonight. Yee haw!

That's hot.

Maybe this will slow down the wave of people moving here.

Comments

First all my comments disappeared when I switched to Haloscan and then now all the new comments are gone thanks to a glitch in my template. Sorry!

Hopefully every thing will be fine from now on.

An Okie Tale

My grandparents came to Kern County during The Dust Bowl. My grandmother on my mother’s side was a bona fide Okie. I don’t remember much about her because she died when I was young, but I do remember she liked to drink beer and play poker and she had a one-eyed dog that chewed on carrots. . Her husband, my Papa, is 93 years old, drinks one shot of whiskey with a 7-Up chaser every day and doesn’t need glasses to read. During The Depression he built a small station along the road, sold gas and actually made money. When WWII came he was sent to Wyoming to guard the Nazi prisoners. He said they were nice guys and sometimes he would play cards with them.

My grandparents on my father’s side moved to Bakersfield from Texas so my Pop could work as a roughneck in the oilfields. For a little while he was sent to work in Saudi Arabia. The work was hard and he died young so I never met him. His wife, my Nana worked as a 911 dispatcher until she retired to a mobile home in Plano, Texas. She smoked Chesterfield non-filter cigarettes and drank Coca-Cola out of a bottle all day every day. She had bone spurs on her feet that looked very painful and knitted a million blankets while sitting in the chair she called her “nest.” We drove to Texas every summer to visit and the thing I remember most is the funny sayings she used like “uglier than a mud fence” and “like a duck on a June bug.” She passed away 15 years ago of a brain aneurysm.

My parents met at BHS in the 50’s, dated all through high school and were married shortly after my mom graduated. My brother was born a year later and my sister a couple of years after that. They moved to LA so my dad could go to college and I was born there. My mom almost died delivering me and had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. My dad couldn’t take care of me and my siblings, work and go to school by himself, so I was sent to live with the neighbors across the street. My family still swears that’s why I am so “different.”

My family moved to Bakersfield in 1970 and into a brand new house they could barely afford. For the first few years we didn’t have carpet and my brother and sister would place me on a towel and run down the hallway pulling me behind. When I was three years old we got a pool and my mom would make us stay outside so she could clean the house. When I was four years old my brother accidentally ran over me with his bike. That summer I was attacked by a spider monkey while eating a barbequed hamburger on the patio. The next year my brother stuck a penny toad in my ear and my sister played dead until I cried.

I got even by forcing both of them both to sit on the floor of the car all the way to Texas.

West 86

Amy in NY started this blog MONTHS ago in the hopes of creating a place for us old timers to gather and chat and hopefully learn more about our upcoming 20 year reunion. Unfortunately, the site never really went anywhere because apparently no one had anything to say. Waist High has performed a miracle and brought West 86 back from the dead. Hopefully the word will spread this time.

Thanks W.H.

W.U.D.

It started to rain last night and it's supposed to continue to rain all day. Weird.
What is this? Portland?

Road Trip

Heading south on 99. It's hard to believe there is a mountain right in front of me.



A handful of cows along the highway. What will this look like 10 years from now?



Heading up the grapevine. Oh hey! Now I can see the mountains.



A view of LA from Flo's house.



Professor Flo at work.



Heading home back down the grapvine into the wonderful Bako air.

The Great Smokey Valley

On the front page of the Local section today there are four maps showing the possible scenarios of growth in the San Joaquin Valley over the next 40 years. According to the article, the population in the valley is expected to double. The maps show a cluster of little orange and yellow dots spreading out from centers like Bakersfield and Fresno. It kind of looks like a bad rash.

On the front page of the Business section there’s an article describing how more and more people are buying BIG trucks – the four-door kind. All the people buying houses on what used to be farmland now need a truck to haul their kids and their crap around.

Basically all this means that as more and more people move into the valley and more and more of them drive around in their BIG trucks, Hummers and SUVs the air quality around here is going to become more and more unhealthy.

We might as well just all start smoking.

Mini History Lesson

Back in the days when the Yokut Indians were mashing acorns and weaving baskets, as the Kern River exited the canyon it formed a delta. Some streams flowed north toward Tulare while the remainder followed east toward lake Buena Vista. The Indians called the area Woilu. When the white settlers came they began to build on the land between the river and one of the streams. They called the area Kern Island. When Colonel Baker arrived, he built his home on the corner of 19th and N Street. In order to help people traveling in the valley, the Colonel planted several acres of alpha to feed horses. Baker’s field covered the area of what is now M and P streets. In 1869, according to the book Bakersfield: A Centennial Portrait “One of the Jewett brothers – either Philo or Solomon – suggested the name “Bakersfield,” which had already settled informally on the community.”

In 1873, one year after Baker died, Bakersfield became the first city in Kern County.

Quote

Having lunch with my mother yesterday, she began to talk about when she was pregnant with me. “I was so nauseous I had to take (name of some medication I don’t remember) everyday. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with you.”

Bake Thanks

Waist High was correct (as usual) when she wrote about how “being a blogger is hard work” (2/7/05). Besides hoping the right people will read the blog and worrying that the wrong people might, it’s just hard to think of things to blog about. Some days I am overwhelmed with ideas and other days I can barely manage a blank stare. That’s why we bloggers enjoy and appreciate your input so much. If it weren’t for your comments I would just go back to sitting in my closet talking to myself.

So thanks for your participation and let me know if there are any topics or ideas you would like to see covered.

Peace, B.T.

This Way not That Way

For some reason Bakersfield likes to give the same street two different names. Brundage Lane turns into Stockdale Hwy, which really isn’t a highway at all. Oak Street turns into Wible Road, California Ave changes to New Stine and Coffee Road becomes Gosford Road. Bernard Street turns into 34th Street after crossing Union Ave. The best is Rosedale Hwy (again, not actually a highway.) Rosedale changes to 24th Street for a mile or so, then quickly becomes 23rd Street. After cutting through the heart of downtown Bakersfield, 23rd Street turns into Highway 178. Luckily this is an actual highway.

I thought about all this when I noticed that they’re putting a new stop light in on the corner of 34th and Jewett. I’m not sure why, Jewett isn’t exactly a jumping place, but evidently they need to back up traffic and it seemed like a good place, seeing as it is right next to The Buckhorn, the diveiest dive bar in town. You see, besides changing the name of a street for no apparent reason, Bakersfield also likes to give the same (or a very similar) name to two totally different streets. In order to increase the confusion the streets are usually in completely different parts of town. We have Stine Road and New Stine Road, Olive Street and Olive Drive and Jewett and Jewetta Avenues, just to name a few.

The brilliance of this plan is truly mind-boggling.

Growing Pains

After reading about the killer mold yesterday, I was understandably alarmed when I saw the headline on the front page of today’s paper. “Growth overtakes schools.” Turns out it’s a different type of growth, but equally scary. The “explosive growth in all areas of Bakersfield” is causing overcrowding in the high schools. According to the article, “Frontier High School, not set to open until fall of 2006, will be overcrowded within two years of opening.”

That’s crazy! Where are all of these people coming from? And why if Bakersfield is supposedly so god awful, are they moving here? I understand that housing prices are affordable compared to the rest of the state, but don’t people have to have jobs? Was it not reported recently that there are no jobs? It makes no sense to me.

I have to admit, I don’t like the image that Bakersfield is a hick town, but I am not looking forward to becoming a suburb of L.A. I want my small town back.

Bakotopia contest

How cool is this? Bakotopia is giving away an iPod mini to the person who writes the best text rap. The idea is to write a rhyme about how desperate you are to find a date for Valentines Day and then send the rap as a text message from your cell phone. I love this idea! I got an iPod for my son this past Christmas and now I wish I had one. They are really cool. I encourage you all to send in your raps but I have to warn you, considering how desperate I actually am for a V-day date and the fact that I can rhyme like nobody’s business, I’d say I have this one in the bag.

Good luck and happy rhyming.

Tough Times

It’s tough living in Kern County. You have to be hardy to survive here. A couple of articles in the paper today prove it.

In the local section there’s an article about an apartment complex so moldy the residents are getting sick. One woman even blames the mold for the death of her two-year-old daughter. According to the article, “after finding lumps on her daughter’s head” she took her to the hospital. LUMPS ON HER HEAD? I would freak out if I found lumps on my kid’s head. Eleven doctors were unable to figure out what was causing the lumps, and the little girl's health problems continued. On Feb. 29, 2004 she died. How awful.

I have never heard of anyone having a mold problem in Bakersfield. It’s too hot and too dry. I cannot imagine how a landlord could ignore the fact that the tenants are complaining about mold GROWING ON THE WALLS and coughing their lungs up. The woman and 68 others are suing the owner.

The other article is on the front page and the headline reads, “Rule that stranded girl doesn’t worry school.” Apparently, kids in Tehachapi have to pay to go to school. According to the article, residents in the rural area surrounding the city, “pay $75 each semester for a bus pass.” Unfortunately for one little girl, her pass expired, so the bus driver REFUSED TO TAKE HER HOME. The 11-year-old, not knowing what else to do, began to walk the 30 miles home.

Now there is one person who really can claim she had to walk 30 miles uphill in the snow.

Safe and mostly Sound

I'm home again from my weekend visit with Dr. Flo. It was great to see her as always and nice to get out of town for a couple of days. I love her house, the decor. I guess it helps when the hubby is an artist. They also have a beautiful view of L.A. from the patio.

The Super Gumbo Bowl party last night was fun too. When I told their L.A. friends "I'm from Bakersfield" they seemed amused and several of them mentioned a desire to visit Buck Owens' Crystal Palace. I'm pretty sure that's all they think we do around here.

Today Flo and I did all the things I can't do in Bako, like shop at Nordstroms and have lunch at Whole Foods. The drive home was a breeze - it went by really fast. It doesn't even seem like it takes an hour and a half most of the time. I have a small stack of newspapers to go through to see if there is anything worthy of mention, and a large stack of laundry to go through to see if there is anything worthy of wearing. Regrettably, I have no photos to share. I took a bunch of pictures on the trip, but of course, I left my camera there, so the photo tour will have to come later.

I would take the time to come up with a more interesting post, but I have two days of TiVo to catch up on. I have my priorities you know.

Oh yeah – I forgot to mention... I also broke a plant and spilled coffee on her keyboard, so there’s a good chance this will be the last time I go there. Sigh.

Mumbo Gumbo

I decided to go to Los Angeles this weekend to determine for myself if the people here are more friendly than they are in Bako as that woman claimed in her letter to the paper. From what I have gathered so far, if you drive a very expensive car and appear to have a lot of money, they are indeed friendlier.

All right - I joke. I'm in Los Angeles visiting Flo cuz that's what friends from Bako do. They stay close. I am happy to report that the brilliant Dr. Flo has accepted a postion as Assistant Professor of Criminal Justice at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. She's going to Vegas baby! How cool is that? Sure she'll be farther away, now when I go to visit I'll also get to lose a few hundred bucks at the blackjack table.

At the moment Flo and her handsome husband are preparing to make his family gumbo recipe. They're having a real life LA high society party today and I think they're going to let the embarrassing friend from Bakersfield join them for a few minutes.

I have to promise not to pick my teeth and say y'all. I hope I can do it.

W.U.D.

It’s a beautiful, warm, sunny day. I should be outside working in my garden. What am I going to do? Drive to L.A - #1 smoggiest city in America. I understand it's been in the 70’s there all week, but today and tomorrow its supposed to be cloudy and cold.

It’ll be like I never left home.

Super Seeds

I went to The Mint last night expecting to see The Filthies, but found out shortly after arriving that they are playing Saturday night. Another band, called Seed, was outside playing instead. Keep in mind, these are free shows. VERY rarely does The Mint attempt to charge people to come in. Nine times out of ten, when I walk out to the patio to see band at The Mint, I turn around and walk back in again. Last night I stayed.

I was really impressed with Seed’s sound but I don’t think I am hip enough to describe it accurately. I don’t want to say anything that will come back to haunt me or them, so I’ll just say they sounded great. It is the first local band I’ve seen in a long time (wait – ever?) with a keyboardist. There are four guys in the band and I spoke to the lead singer, Chris, briefly after the show.

I’ve been thinking of adding a “Bake Interview” feature to the blog so hopefully I will be able to speak to him next week and let him tell you about Seed.

Funny

Someone found Bake Town after Googling a search for “sexy backhoe pictures."

Beans

By R.G.D.

Maria Diarrhea
Had it awfully bad
She never left the house
And was terribly sad

Her mother said it was
The germs on her plate
Her brother said it was
The monkey brains that she ate

Her father said “It’s a stage
It will pass”
Her sister gagged and said
She had the stinkiest gas

Maria Diarrhea
Didn't want to be rude
But all along she knew
It was because of

The magical food.


I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote down this poem about two years ago. I would love to try and publish a book of poetry for kids. I have a few others, but not enough. Noveltown got me thinking about all this stuff again. Thanks Noveltown!

C.S.O.B.

A dirty, old, Ford SUV with a HUGE (I’m talking gigantic) sticker of a fist with the middle finger up on the back window. Under the finger, in big, bold letters, reads “It must suck to be you.”

Now there’s a dude with class.

Top Ten Places to go in Bakersfield

1. The Kern River Canyon. This is a beautiful area and a great place to get away for a relaxing picnic. There are even natural hot springs if you know how to find them. But, don’t even think about swimming in the river.

2. CALM. The California Living Museum is really cool. They have a lot of information about local plants and wildlife, a small zoo full of animals found regionally and an awesome aviary. It’s really neat to see the birds of prey up close. The spring and fall are the best seasons to visit.

3. Pioneer Village. Going to Pioneer Village makes you feel like a kid all over again. I have probably been there 50 times, but I never get tired of walking in and out of those old houses to gawk at the mannequins in their antique clothing. They have made a lot of improvements in the past few years, so if you haven’t been in a while you need to soon. And check out the Kern County Museum while you’re there.

4. Downtown. Like I said before, I love the trees, I love the houses, and I love the shops. Downtown is a great place to do everything. There are restaurants, exclusive dress shops, theaters, art galleries, antique stores, coffeehouses, and much, much more. Downtown is an excellent place to take a walk.

5. The Marketplace. Developers really did a nice job with this shopping mall. The shops are centered around an attractive and pleasant fountain and the walkways are dotted with bistro style tables and chairs that invite you to sit and people watch. There is a movie theater and several chain restaurants and many other locally owned businesses. The only drawback is it has turned into a hangout for the kids and sometimes they run wild.

6. A Basque Restaurant. If you really want the "family style" experience Noriega’s is the best, followed closely by Pyrenees. If you want to have a good time and see everybody in town, go to Woolgrowers and if you want to eat some really great food, go to Benji’s. Basque food is good all the time, but with the soup and all the food, it is especially good in the winter.

7. Go to a show. There are numerous bands playing all over town every weekend. Check them out and help support the local music scene. There are also numerous theaters such as The Empty Space and Stars. Friday night is Flicks night at the Fox where they feature independent and foreign films.

8. The Bluffs. There have many improvements to this area including grass, walkways and benches. A very romantic place to go at night.

9. Local sports. Personally I love going to the Blaze games. True Sam Lynn is not the finest ball park in the world, but it’s so small town it’s fun! Of course, there’s also Hockey and Arena Football at Centennial Garden. (Ooops – I mean Rabobank Arena.) Even the local college and high school games are fun to go to sometimes and bring back a lot of great memories.

10. The bike path. Take a walk or go for a ride along the Kern River. Just get off your butt and do something!

The Soda Pop Shop

Does anybody else remember this establishment on the corner of Wible and Wilson near the Valley Plaza? It was not far from Larson's drive through dairy and I used to love going there with all the little glass bottles and trading them in for new bottles of soda in every variety.

Ah - the good ol' days.

Spring comes early

It feels like spring. It even looks like spring. A slight breeze blew in this afternoon and cleared the air. It’s 67° outside and I am going to go work in my garden.

A rose by any other name

The re-naming of Centennial Garden to Rabobank has many local folks all fired up. I’m not crazy about Bako selling out either, but some people just take it too far. One guy basically called the City Council a bunch of whores and several people suggested we’re going to be selling the name of our city next.

Considering all of the negative connotations associated with the name Bakersfield, I think renaming it might not be such a bad idea. I still don’t like the corporate name thing, but if you could – what would you rename Bakersfield?

No fair using the Bako nickname list.

No land - No job

I woke up at 5 o’clock this morning to the sound of what I thought was The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse charging up the sidewalk. All of a sudden there was a loud explosion sound followed by a heavy, wet, thump noise. I fully expected to find the carcass of very large water fowl on my porch. I found my newspaper instead.

The news inside the paper was just as terrifying as it’s delivery. A headline on the front page reads, “Northwest land being devoured by new homes” and a headline on the front page of the local section reads “No jobs to be found here.” Now that’s scary.

The article talks about how CSUB students were told on Career Day recently that if they want a job after graduation they should move. I don’t get it. If so many people are moving here and the land is being “devoured” by homes, why aren’t there any jobs for college graduates? And who in the world is buying all these houses?

"Best Bakersfield Blog"

Excuse me (sound of throat clearing)…I hate to interrupt, but I thought you all might like to know that Bake Town has just become the #1 hit on Google for the search string “Best Bakersfield Blog.” Uh huh, that’s right, you heard me. Now what do have to say Waist High? (sound of crickets chirping.)

That’s what I thought.

My Top Ten Places to Go in Bako in the Past

1. The Florence’s House. This is the place I spent most of my time growing up. It was the place I wanted to spend ALL my time. The Florence’s raised me, in many ways, just as much as my own parents did. They were (and still are) loving, accepting, encouraging and patient with me from the moment I first met them in 1976. I called them my Vice Family. Nearly all of my fondest memories take place in this home. It was the house on the block where all the kids went. We ate, we played, we sang, we danced , we fought, we snuck out, we called boys and hung up, we obsessed over MTV, we watched rated R movies on HBO, we played Hide-N-Seek in the dark and we had A MILLION slumber parties. If it were not for this family I guarantee I would not be the person I am today.

2. Stine School. All of the things I mentioned above are directly related to the fact that I met Flo in the fourth grade at Stine School in Mrs. Waybright’s class. We had the same teacher together every year for three years. Just as most of my fond memories of my youth center around her house, the rest center on our time together at Stine. I asked her to be my best friend on the bus on the way back from Scicon in the sixth grade and she has never left my side since. I am extremely fortunate to have found and connected with such an amazing person.

3. West High. Again, this is an extension of numbers one and two. With Flo at my side, we met and made many amazing friends; including (but not limited to) Amy, Erinn, Michelle, Karen and Maureen. We had many dangerously crazy fun times. Amy's Scavenger Hunt almost got me arrested. And then, of course, there were ‘the boys’ who shall remain nameless. Had it not been for the fact that I was so motivated to hang with Flo and not disappoint her parents and my own, I have no doubt I would have fallen by the wayside and found myself in big trouble in high school.

4. Vidal’s. A HUGE part of my high school life for about year and a half. To be quite honest, if such a place existed today, I know the teenagers would not be so quick to complain “there’s nowhere to go in Bako.” This was the 80’s version of a disco where people of all ages could dress up like Madonna or Boy George and go spin around the dance floor for just five dollars every Friday and Saturday night.

5. The Streets of Bakersfield. Before Vidal’s there was “driving around.” We used to go out with no plan in mind at all and just drive around. The fun of blasting the Violent Femmes or Madness or the Go-Go’s (the list is endless) while driving around town at high speeds and looking for ‘something to do’ provided some of the happiest times of my life. And MANY speeding tickets.

6. Local Band Shows. I can’t give a specific location, but in the 90’s my friends held the heartbeat of the local music scene. Jumping Trains, Crushing Violet, Crawdaddy… all of these bands were HUGE and so FUN! There were many journeys down to LA for shows, but the best of times were found right here and over many nights and many locations.

7. The Old Pub @ CSUB. Props to G for having it on his list. Many more hours than should have been were spent in this establishment. Drinking coffee or tea, listening to the Pougues on the jukebox, swilling beer, smoking cigarettes and debating hot philosophical, literary, historical, and social issues made us all feel intellectual and involved. Many, many good times were had in this location.

8. The Cat (circa 1990 – 1995) Monday night was Cat night - we ruled the pool table and the jukebox.

9. Skate Land. This is where all the skating parties from Church and school happened. They had a game where a small person (like me!) would get into a big metal wash tub with wheels nailed to the bottom and be pushed around the floor at high speeds. It was the only game I ever got picked first for. Many, many days were spent standing by the snack bar wishing a boy would ask me to “slow skate.”

10. The Padre – After everyone moved away and the Cat got TOO LOUD, the annual get-togethers happened here. Small, old school bar with a great jukebox, crazy decor and a fun crowd.