Moments

I went to Cesar’s Deli in the southwest tonight to buy lasagna for my mom’s birthday on Sunday. I haven’t been inside that place in ages. Every time I go in there I remember the time when I was 15 and some girls thought I was staring at them so they flipped me off as they began to drive away. I decided to return the favor, at which point they stopped the car, got out, came back inside and asked my why I gave them the bird. Duh – cuz you flipped me off first. I was then accused of staring and warned that my behind was in jeopardy. Ahh, memories.

Cesar’s was all out of large lasagnas so I bought eight little ones and a small cup of pickled mushrooms for myself. Driving down Wilson Road, eating the mushrooms with my fingers I was shocked at the view. The wind and the rain have cleaned the air sufficiently and you can see the mountains all around. Bear Mt. in particular stood out. It’s hard to believe that such a huge mountain is so close by yet we can barely see it.

Besides the mountains, the clouds are also amazing. Patches of clear blue sky are apparent beneath a dark, angry storm cloud approaching ominously from the north. In the west as the sun sets the clouds appear psychedelic in bright shades of orange and pink.

I spotted in man in his robe standing in front of his house on Oleander Ave. just staring up at the sky.

Blister in the Sun

The Violent Femmes show rocked. They sounded great and played all the big hits as well as a few smaller ones. They even did a cover of “The Streets of Bakersfield.” I bruised my hand clapping and hurt my throat hollering. Fun, fun, fun was had by all. Unfortunately, Waist High and I were not able drain the local bars free of all available liquor cuz she had to leave for home at 4 A.M. today. I’m bummed, but it’s probably better this way.

There’s only so much a liver can take.

When you lie down with dogs...

Marcus? Is that you?

Proving once again that Bako is a great place to live (or at least a humorous place to talk about) former Bakersfield resident Di Quon has convinced some Hollywood types to shoot a pilot in Bakersfield based loosely on her time here. Filming began at North High yesterday. North? pppffftttt. They shoulda done it at BHS.

Speaking of high school I had a few de ja vu moments yesterday. The first was talking to Waist High on the phone for a while. W.H. & I knew each other in high school and had some common friends but we didn’t hang out. Probably because she was too cool for me and I was too scared of her. Nonetheless, we had a great time talkin’ shit about people we went to high school with . We’re gonna do some Bake Town style drinkin’ tonight. Ohhh yeah.

The second de ja vu moment came as I was watching TV last night. My best friend, Flo and her husband went to Europe for their honeymoon (finally) so her parents are watching their dogs. The dogs are German Pointers (at least one of 'em is anyway) and they are HUGE! Her parents still live in the same house – the house that I spent 75% of my time in growing up. Her parents had to go out of town for a couple of days so I’m dog sitting. Her parents also have another dog that is a mutt and looks like a dingo (A dingo ate my baby!)

So there I was, in my best friend’s parent’s house watching T.V. in the same room I spent countless hours in watching one of the dogs run in his sleep and the others stare at me expectantly. Hell no. It’s windy out there. And cold. You wanna go outside, be my guest, but I’m staying right here.

I even watched some M.A.S.H. just for old time’s sake.

In the name of all that is holy.

Howdy friends! I hope your Christmas was jolly. Good times, good eats. Me, my family, we had trout. Yup. Caught in the Kern River. I made tartar sauce and roast veges. I’ll let your imagination provide the rest of the story. For breakfast I had Pringles and a Squirt.

I went to dinner at Mexicali last night. I totally expected to see Waist High there, smashed on margaritas and trying to grab the waiter’s ass. We got there late so I probably missed it. Darn. (Just kidding W.H.! Luv ya!!)

After the yummy, yummy chicken enchilada’s we headed to the VIP. That’s right. The V. I. P. Dive bar extraordinaire. Much to my surprise and utter horror, THERE WAS NO SMOKING IN THE BAR! I’m sorry, but I have to repeat that. THERE WAS NO SMOKING IN THE BAR! Is nothing sacred these days? First The Cat, then The Mint, and now The Vip. I actually had to go outside IN THE COLD to inhale stranger’s second hand smoke. Am I getting old or do things just suck more than they used to?

I haven’t been to The Fox in a while, but I’m hoping it’s still a hold out.

Scene not Seen

If by “White Christmas” you mean thick fog, then Bake Town will be especially delightful for you this holiday season. An article in the Californian says (remember kids – don’t believe everything you read in the paper!) that the dense fog will also make the air quality worse than normal, so that gives us all something to look forward to.

I made my yearly trek to the downtown bars last night with some friends. I was surprised at first at how few people were in The Cat. But after about 10 minutes of deafening 80’s head banger music I realized why. I don’t know how that place stays in business. We promptly left and headed for The Mint. The atmosphere was much nicer. There were enough tables and chairs for all of us, the musical selection was enjoyable and the volume was perfect. The only thing we didn’t care for was the plastic cups.

Apparently the glasses have all been broken during the many bar fights.

Merry Christmas

If only I had thought of it first.

P.S.

Here’s a sad tid-bit of local news I forgot to mention yesterday. An 84 year old man was walking across Wible Road Tuesday when a car came along and struck him. The car did not stop. A few seconds later another car came along and hit the poor old man again. That car also did not stop. Clyde Howard Ashe died at the scene. It’s a sick, sad world out there.

Speaking of sick… Animal control did finally remove those dogs in Mojave yesterday. There were 19 still alive and caresses of another seven. The owners of the animals, Donald and Linda Bone, are facing criminal prosecution and County Supervisor Don Maben is calling for an investigation of Animal Control.

Remember that JBX restaurant I was talking about? The first one in town is already open. Dang – that was fast! Right on the front page of the Business section is a picture of two people kicking back, feet up in a cushy chair.

I’m going to have to go check this out.

I know, I know...

I’ve been neglecting my internet friends, and I apologize. Truth is I’ve just been lazy. I’m on vacation so I’ve been sleeping in, watching TV and hanging out with friends in town for the holiday. I’ve also been teaching my son how to cook. He made meatloaf and mashed potatoes last week and yesterday he made oatmeal cookies. Today we’re going to take on Christmas cookies, fudge and Rice Crispy Treats. Next week I think we’ll try something a little fancier so he can impress the ladies when he gets older (not that he doesn’t all ready.)

I do have some funny stories to share, but I’m waiting until after the holiday to see which make the cut. For example, if I had been blogging last year I would have had to choose between trying to move a week before Christmas and having my dresser fly out of the truck and shatter into a million pieces on Truxtun Ave. OR how I had gone downtown with a group of friends and decided it would be a good idea to run home thereby causing myself to fall on my face in the street. I still bare the scars from that incident.

Anyway, before I go I need to catch y’all up on the news.

That Juan Oliveras guy who used to be Mayor of Arvin – remember him? He was arrested on charges of child molestation one day before the election. The charges have been dropped and it looks like Oliveras was right all along. The DA and other local law enforcement didn’t like the guy so they trumped up some charges the day before the election so he would lose. Shady, very shady.

The cops who were involved in the two separate shooting incidents recently have both been cleared. In both cases the cops were shooting at people inside a car. In the first case a 25 year old was killed. Despite the fact that The U.S. Department of Justice recently warned the police against shooting at moving vehicles, pointing out that “such shootings could cause bullet ricochets into officers or innocent bystanders” both shootings were ruled within department policy by an internal review board.

On the front page of the paper today there is an article that I know is going to get people riled up around here. There’s a picture of an emaciated dog and the headline reads “Dogs abandoned to cannibalism in desert hellhole.” I have to admit this story is pretty shocking. Apparently a couple moved into a trailer in Mojave and brought 7 or 8 dogs with them. The dogs ruled and eventually took over the house. The couple moved into the garage. The dogs ran wild, terrorizing the neighborhood and tearing one poor man’s little beagle in two! The couple finally fenced the dogs in but then abandoned them after being evicted from the trailer. OH. MY. GOD. Is it possible to be anymore white trash? The dogs are now penned in and have turned to killing and eating each other to survive. The article says the floor of the trailer is covered in poop, in some places its one foot thick. I am gagging right now just thinking about it. And if the story is not shocking enough for ya, here’s the kicker. Animal control is waiting for the owners to return and they will let them take the dogs. They have until 1:45 today.

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that to happen.

A close call.

Shouts of joy and shrieks of pleasure could be all around Rosedale’s neighborhoods yesterday when it was announced that the apartment complex developers wanted to build was not approved. Residents didn’t want “those kind of people” living in their neighborhood and apparently city officials agreed. Apartments building should only be built near freeways and high schools. Because you know, people who live in apartments well, “there is a lot of drug use, probably.”

It’s interesting to note that in the paper today there is an article talking about the residents of Rosedale are completely unfazed by the recent police shooting in the parking lot of their precious strip mall. In fact, most people interested were proud of the officers actions.

Evidentaly a couple of stray bullets are not nearly as scary as a couple of people living in an apartment.

Elvis has left the burrito

There’s a funny article on bakersfield.com that I didn’t see in the paper. It’s about a guy who faked an image of Elvis on a tortilla and then put it up for sale on Ebay. According to the article “He said he's just taking a quick poke at a little piece of Bakersfield's history. He's long heard of the holy visions seen by locals. A Bakersfield woman reportedly had found images of the Virgin Mary in the burn shadows of a candle's glass container, and, earlier, in a flame-toasted tortilla. In 2003, believers flocked to a home in Delano to catch an image of the same Our Lady of Guadalupe cast upon the chimney walls.”

Bad Air Stinks

My place of employment is very near one of the local hospitals. A few minutes ago I walked outside and was nearly knocked over by the stench emanating from that direction. It smells like very strong, rotting cow manure and it nearly made me throw up. What I want to know is what the is that and who in their right mind thought it would be okay to release that smell into our already foggy, smoggy, nasty air?

Too much information!

It took most of the day, but I finally finished looking at each and every registered sex offender posted on the new Megan’s Law website. There are 1,011 people in Bakersfield on the list and since I’ve lived here all my life, I figured the chances were pretty good I might know one of them. I am happy to report I do not.

Here’s what I learned…

Twenty-two of the sex offenders were women (give or take one or two I may have missed.) Out of those only one woman was charged with rape. Eeewww.

A large number of the men had the name ‘Dale’ as either a first or middle name. I have an uncle whose middle name is Dale and I am now afraid of him.

There is a man named Vince Vaughn living in Oildale who like to molest children. He looks nothing like the actor.

There is a convicted rapist with a mental disorder living one block away from me.

205 of the 1,011 are in violation of their registratoin requirements. Which means they could be lord knows where.

Los Angeles County has 11,568 on its list, San Diego has 2,974, Sacramento has 2,508 and San Francisco has 935.

Oh yeah – and Fresno has 1,634, which is another good reason to like Bako more.

Quick Note

I know y’all are probably getting sick of hearing this, but the BPD opened fire AGAIN last night. This time it was in a crowded parking lot in Rosedale. Luckily no one was hurt and all the suspects were apprehended. Hey - do any of you remember the sitcom based on the BPD back in the 80's. I Tivo'd a few epoisodes and it was pretty damn funny.

That’s all I have time to blog about right now. I’m too busy looking up all the registered sex offenders in my neighborhood. There are 1011 in Bakersfield and 74 in my Zip code. Ick!

What's the Mozilla deala?

What’s up with Mozilla Firefox? Everyone told me it’s the best browser, so I switched, but now whenever I blog with it my posts have some crazy (!#$@%?&*#0) thing at the end. And when I try to read Joe Nobody’s blog (which I totally dig) I can’t see the page right. Has anyone else out there in Internet land experienced any problems with this browser?

Nothing News

Lisa Loeb is playing the KLLY Lounge tonight. This translates into that chick who sang that “Stay” song is playing a free show at Borders book store in Bakersfield. Sad, but true. Other famous people currently in town…Rob Reiner (or at least he was yesterday.) He was meeting with Senator Dean Florez to discuss “First 5” reforms.

Other not so interesting news… Bako’s one and only nonprofit theater The Empty Space may be closing its doors for good if it can’t raise enough money to pay rent. I love going to see plays and I’m always preaching to people to support local business, but I have to admit I’ve never been to see a play at The Empty Space. Now I feel guilty. . The Empty Space is currently running a Christmas comedy called “Hurry Up Santa” and now I know what I’m going to do this weekend.

Speaking of theater, my son & I went to see the BHS production of “The Wizard of Oz” last week. It was really good. The freshman girl playing Dorothy looked and sounded exactly like the real thing. It was spooky. The Wicked Witch sucked (her high pitched scream made my ears bleed) and the Cowardly Lion was a bit too gay, but the special effects were really, really good.

Especially the tornado.

Rant Vol. 3

Nobody wanted to reply to my poll about the Zubia case? Fine! I really wanted to know what y’all thought, but oh well. The response to the uproar over the decision is this “Questionable witnesses and a dead suspect prompted plea deals…” I guess that sounds like a pretty good excuse.

Good news for the Bakersfield Citizens for Local Control. The 5^th District Court of Appeal in Fresno (boo Fresno) put a stop to the development of a Super Wal-Mart in South Bako. According to the report the city of Bakersfield “bungled the hearings on the projects environmental effects and failed to study impacts on transportation and animals.” (The Bakersfield Californian.) Uh, I would have never thought the city of Bakersfield could bungle something like that.

Hey – what’s up with that Bowling For Soup song 1985? Should I be insulted or what?

Rosehell

For months now there have been articles in the paper about the fight going on in Rosedale between the (white-flight) homeowners and developers wanting to build apartments. Residents of the neighborhood are vehemently opposed to the idea. It’s not the urban sprawl or the environmental damage that’s upsetting them, it’s the ‘type’ of people who would be living there. The Californian today quoted Rosedale resident Carla Romesberg; “People who live in apartments come and go and there is a lot of drug use, probably.”

See, now when you look at it that way it all makes perfect sense.

Trials and Tribulations

The Zubia family is not happy about the plea bargaining agreements D.A. Ed Jagles made with the three women accused of torturing and murdering Amanda Zubia. Two of the women have pleaded no contest to first-degree murder and to a sentence of 25 years to life in prison. The third woman plead no contest to assault and will spend 7 years in prison. The Zubia’s are asking the community to sign a petition to have the pleas tossed so that the trials can take place.

I’d be interested to hear what y’all think of this. So I’m taking a poll. Do you think the plea bargains should be tossed or do you think the Zubia family should leave well enough alone and move on?

Update

The guy the cops shot Friday died. Twenty-five year old Elias Quinones was a passenger in the car involved in the chase. The driver, Robert Macklin, admits he evaded police because he had a gun hidden. After a short chase, Robert turned down the wrong street and ended up at a dead end. They were boxed in. As he tried to stop and turn the car, he says, he saw an officer get out of his patrol car and fire four shots. Two bullets hit Quinones, one in the head. The U.S. Department of Justice recently warned the police against shooting at moving vehicles, pointing out that “such shootings could cause bullet ricochets into officers or innocent bystanders.”

According to the Californian, “Officers have killed suspects while shooting at moving vehicles in at least three separate incidents this year.”

Holy Guacamole!

I almost forgot to tell y’all about my avocados! I have a 50 year old avocado tree that reaches high above my house. For the past couple of days every time I hear a banging noise, I open my front door and find an avocado lying there. It’s like its raining avocados! The picture above only shows a fraction of how many avocados I really have. And when I went I went outside to get the paper this morning, I saw even more on my lawn. I have lemon tree too, that has the biggest and sweetest lemons ever.

Guess what all my friends are getting for Christmas this year?