A December to Remember

The weather was exceptionally beautiful today. The wind and the rain have cleared the normally grayish-brown air out of the valley and there was clear view of all three mountain ranges surrounding the city. Every now and then when the weather is good we get a good view of the mountains, but today stood out due to the snow still clinging to the summit after all the recent rain. I’ve lived here all my life, and I don’t recall seeing the nearby mountains as clearly as I did today.

While watching the news tonight, the comment was made that the Santa Ana winds were responsible for the spectacular view. If you’ve ever lived in California you know what the words “Santa Ana” winds mean. As I sat on my sofa thinking about it, I suddenly remembered “The Great Dust Storm of 1977.”

It was December, which in Bakersfield normally means cold, foggy, and gray skies. I was in the fourth grade at the time, but I can still remember clearly the sudden strange shift in the air. The temperature was warm and a strange wind began to blow. When I got up to go to school one day, shortly before Christmas vacation, I looked outside and saw a sky that had turned an ugly, violent orange.

My family and I peered through the windows anxiously. The wind was howling and dust filled the air. After listening to the news, it was decided that we would not be going to school that day. Instead my mother, my sister and I began to wet towels and stuff them along the window seals. At one point I recall the air became so thick with dust, we tied damp handkerchiefs across our faces as we continued to scramble around fighting the encroaching sand.

Within an hour or two, the orange sky turned dark and empty and I remember thinking as I peered out in the blackness that the world was coming to an end. I was scared. And I could tell my mom was scared too, which scared me even more. The rest of the day and night was spent scurrying about like frightened rabbits trying to save our home from the fierce dust storm and privately wondering if anything would ever be the same again.

By the middle of the next day the storm had passed. People began to creep out from under their barricades to survey the damage. Glued to the T.V. I saw images of cars completely buried beneath the sand, uprooted trees, and street signs with the paint blasted off down to the metal. To this day, I have to say I have never experienced any thing so surreal. (Except maybe that spider monkey attack thing.)

Looking back, it’s ironic to me that so many Bakersfield residents, who were obliviously children of the “Dust Bowl” and had experienced a very similar phenomenon, would be subjected to such an ordeal again. According to "Bakersfield: A Centennial Portrait" by John Maynard, the winds that day blew at 189 mph and 25 million cubic feet of topsoil was lost from surrounding farm land.

As vivid as my memory is of that day, the thing that stands out the most is opening my Christmas presents shortly thereafter. Every package, which had previously been wrapped and taped shut, was full of dirt.

I confess

I can’t take it anymore. I have to spill it. Besides the crappy news about my son’s eyeballs and my brief visit to Crazyville, there is something else going on which has kept me from keeping y’all abreast of the haps in Bake Town. I met someone I like. This person I like, who for the purposes of this web site shall now and forever be known as Chuck, has been distracting me from my duties. In other words, when I coulda, shoulda, woulda been blogging, I’ve been talking to Chuck. (Yes – just talking. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Isn’t it fun to find someone new to talk to? Someone you can actually have a conversation with as opposed to listening to them talk and wondering if they’re ever going to shut up. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I somehow send out signals to draw in people who like to listen to themselves talk and never know when to stop. Maybe I have some crazy unknown pheromone that attracts idiots who try to sound smart by using big words they obviously don’t know the meaning of. I think it’s because there’s a serious shortage of intelligent, eligible men in Bakersfield. I think they all moved to Santa Barbara. Nevertheless, I somehow managed to find a good guy just around the corner. That rocks!

If it makes you feel any better, I’ve also been neglecting my work. I’m gonna go play catch up now.

What do you want to hear first?

The bad news is my son does indeed have Keratoconus. The good news is nobody freaked out. I was prepared to hear the diagnosis but I was worried my son would take it hard. Instead he just rolled his eyes and said “This is just my luck.” Then he cracked a joke.

Three different Ophthalmologists looked at his eye and the response was the same every time. Yup, that’s it all right - thinning cornea with a cone shape. No doubt about it. They also kept asking if we had any history of the disease in our family and we kept telling them no. The last doctor, who actually does specialize in Keratoconus, took one look at the eye and asked, “Do you have any Scandinavian blood in you? Anyone in your family from Norway or The Netherlands? My ex-husband, who was also there, looked up and replied, “My grandmother was Norwegian.” According to the doctor, the disease is very prevalent in the Scandinavian countries. One person out of four hundred is affected. Here in the United States the ratio is about one in very two thousand.

We have an appointment next week to have him fitted for a hard contact lense. It will be very specialized and carefully crafted to fit onto his eye and over the bulging cornea. When I asked the doctor how often we will need to come in to check on the progression of the disease, his reply was “Oh, we’re going to be on him like a cheap suit from now on.”

As we were leaving I asked my son, “So, what do you think about all this?” He looked me dead in the eye and said “My life’s path has just taken a different direction.”

Hell Hole Whores

Like many bloggers, I enjoy checking out my site meter to see what readers were searching for when they discovered my site. I posted a list of some of the searches I found most interesting or funny back in February. A new one I found recently was the search for “Bakersfield, CA hell hole.” I can’t imagine why anyone would refer to our fair city as a hell hole.

The thing I find most interesting is how many times I have found searches for “Bakersfield whores.” Are they really expecting to find a web site featuring a bunch of prostitutes giving out details on which corner of Union Avenue to find them on? Is this person (who apparently has to pay for sex) so selective about his whores that he only wants those from Bakersfield? Are Bakersfield whores different somehow from whores in other towns? I really want to know.

Hey – wait a minute... Why is Bake Town the #4 hit for Bakersfield whores??

W.U.D.

The weather around here has been absolutely nutty lately. Every other day or so a storm comes along and dumps rain on us. Right now the wind is blowing so hard it’s making that sound you hear on cartoons like Scooby Doo when it forces it’s way through a window frame. The clouds are amazing but I am refraining from posting yet another picture of the sky. Your welcome.

Portland resident Waist High should feel right at home when she comes to visit next week. I got an email from her today saying she’s going to be in town. She also told me she is going to kick my butt for recruiting her Lovely Teenaged Daughter to be my special correspondent.

Don’t be mad W.H. I can’t help it if I’m cooler than you are. I was born this way.

Blogging from the edge.

I think I’m finally ready to talk about what happened last week. I know my absence freaked some of you out since I typically post several times a day. I truly appreciate all the good wishes I received. It does help to know people care.

Last Monday I took my son to the eye doctor. He had been complaining about the vision in his left eye being fuzzy, and he hadn’t had an exam since he was a little boy. Still, I didn’t think much about the appointment. I was sitting out front, sucking on a blow-up and reading a gossip mag when the doctor called me into his office.

It was pretty clear the Optometrist was concerned about something but it was also clear that he didn’t want to say too much. Especially in front of my son. First he asked if anyone in my family had a problem with astigmatism. I told him no. He didn’t seem to believe me (why in the world I would LIE?) so he asked to look at my glasses and after examining them he confirmed that I do not have astigmatism. Duh. He then questioned me about my family and I again told him that there are no problems with astigmatism. The doctor seemed confused.

He then proceeded to tell me he thinks my son has a condition called Keratoconus which caused his cornea to become thin and bulge into a cone shape. Then he told me that I needed to take my boy to a specialist. I asked him how to treat the condition and he told me I needed to talk to a specialist. I asked him if he would need surgery, and he told me to talk to a specialist. It was pretty clear this guy was not going to give me any more information. He did say he was going to fit my son for glasses because his vision in his left eye is 20/80 and that glasses really wouldn’t help much. That’s great. Thanks a lot Doc! As soon as we left the office I called a “specialist” (a.k.a. an Ophthalmologist) and made an appointment.

After picking out glasses my son and I went to the library and ran a few errands but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about what the doctor said. I couldn’t wait to get home and look up the strange word on the Internet. After dropping my son off at a friend’s house I went straight home and turned my computer on. That was when I discovered the Internet is no longer my friend.

I learned that Keratoconus is a progressive disorder with no known cure and that people with the condition often describe their vision as being “blind with light.” That was about as far as I got before I completely freaked out. For a minute I seriously thought I was going to choke to death on the giant knot which had suddenly formed in my throat. Then I started bawling and running all over my house looking for some place to go where Keratoconus would not be. I called my mom and tried to tell her in between sobs that my son is going blind. I called my friends and I called my family and I called his Dad. I completely lost my mind for about two days. Needless to say, I didn’t want to go anywhere near my computer. Ever again.

Eventually I calmed down. After all the questions about astigmatisms, my son thinks that’s what he has. No big deal. Not wanting to freak him out, I forced myself to pull it together. I also learned more about the condition and realized that IF in fact my son does have Keratoconus it does not mean he is going to go blind. It could mean that he will suffer with vision problems all his life. It could mean that he will have to wear painful, hard contacts to treat the bulging cornea. It could also mean that he may someday have to have a cornea transplant. Or it could mean that he just has one wonky eye.

All I know for sure right now is that he won’t be able to play baseball anymore and that he will never be able to become a pilot in the Air Force. Those are the two things he talks about most. That and learning languages. He loves learning new languages. (It’s hard to believe he came out of my body.) After we left the doctor’s office, he looked at me and said, “Well, I guess this means I’m going to be a linguist.” Yeah, my kid is THAT great.

So, that’s the story behind the “family emergency” that caused me to stop blogging. The emergency was that I lost my mind, and anything I might have been able to write would probably have come out as gobbley gook. I now have a stack of papers in my bedroom full of news I neglected to comment about. I’m starting to remind my self of the crazy old cat lady down the street that never throws anything away. If things don’t get better soon, y’all might want to consider organizing an intervention.

I’m hoping to get back into the swing of things this week and start blogging again. I’m also hoping to get some good news when I take my son to the doctor. But most of all, I’m hoping I don’t lose my mind again if I don’t.

C.S.O.B.

Yesterday I pulled up behind a truck pulling a wooden trailer built to haul lawnmowers and garden tools around. On the back end, just above the license plate, there was a bumper sticker which read “If this trailer is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin'."

Puttin' Bakersfield on the Map.

Yesterday nearly 200 people attended a wedding by putting on scuba gear and jumping into a local pool. The couples now hold the record for having “the most people underwater during a wedding ceremony.”

All right! All right already!

I have decided to return from my self-imposed isolation if only to appease Waist High. Her endless emails and tearful phone messages finally wore me down. I only hope I haven’t become too accustomed to slacking off. I am not ready to talk about the “family emergency” which caused me to retreat, but I promise I will tell y’all what’s going on eventually.

To get back in the swing of things I thought Robert Price’s column might be a good place to start. In today’s paper, Price informed us that the Downtown Business Association is looking for ideas to help improve the Street Faire held every Thursday night on Chester Ave. The Street Faire runs through the spring and summer and according to the article has been in operation for the past twenty years. Twenty years? Really? I am pretty sure the first time I ever heard of the street fair was in 1989.

I remember the year because it was the first time I ever went to the street fair. I was 7 months pregnant, it was 100+ degrees and Flo, ET & I got a wild hair and decided to walk downtown to check it out. I was having a little trouble walking, I was terribly uncomfortable and I was not in the best mood. Just as we were crossing A Street, right next to Franklin School, a couple of dudes hanging out across the street took note of me waddling down the street. Thinking he was cute, or funny, or interesting in ANY way, one of the guys yelled out to me “You should have used a condom!” I don’t remember exactly what happened after that. Everything went sorta fuzzy….I turned toward the guy (Exorcism style) and I began to spew obscenities and insults about his own sexual inadequacies and limited mental capacity. The whole scene ends with him, slack jawed & eyes bulging, mumbling an apology from across the street while my friends (laughing hysterically)drug me down the street, spitting and clawing like a wildcat.

It gets better….

After an hour or so of ping-ponging from booth to booth looking for something interesting (or at least edible) I decided I wanted to go home. Sweat was pouring from every pore on my body and my hips were aching from the extra weight I had put on. I did not want to walk home, so I went to the pay phone by what is now Jerry’s Pizza. I am pretty sure the events that transpired next had something to do with my eventual divorce. My ex-husband LOVED to talk on the phone. When he got on the phone, the conversations could last for hours. It drove me CRAZY! But on this night, it especially drove me crazy because we did not have call waiting (HE didn’t want it) and I could not get through to him to ask for a ride home. After several tries, I hung up and started to walk across the alley. Just then, a car came lurching out of Wall Street. As I jumped back, the car, driven by an obviously intoxicated woman, continued onto to Chester and – right in front of my eyes – RAN OVER two people!!! I am talking one guy hitting the hood, and then another! All while I stood there and watched.

A crowd quickly formed and my friends and I found each other. After ogling for a while, we decided it was best to leave. Hormones raging, I complained every step of the way home about how I almost got run over and how it was all my husband's fault.

If I remember correctly, the woman driving the car, knew somebody that knew somebody (wink, wink) and got off with a slap on the hand despite the fact she had spent the evening drinking at the Alley Cat and was obliviously driving INTO A CROWD OF PEOPLE!

I have been to many Street Fairs since - but none were so memorable.

Oh yeah… back to the point. The Downtown Business Association wants to hear your ideas about how to improve and enliven the Street Faire. You can call (661) 325-5892 or go to their website.

Day Trippin'

My son and I went for a trip to the canyon today. My brother is camping up there and he wanted to take us fishing. My son took all of these pictures. (Except for the one he is in of course.)

This is my son and my nephew.

A very interesting tree.

A shot of the Kern River

A view of a nearby mountain.

A view of the canyon

The descent back down into the valley.

The setting sun blazing into our eyes as we got near town.

Sabbatical Season

I’m afraid I’m going to have to extend my “time off” for a few more days at least. A family emergency has come up which requires my undivided attention. I hope y'all will still be here when I return.

Happy blogging!

A Hitchhiker's Guide to Buying a TV in Bakersfield

I made the mistake of attempting to return my dead TV and purchase a new one. The mistake being that Vice President Dick Cheney is in town today. Stockdale Hwy from Oak/Wible all the way down to CSUB is closed to all traffic. I cannot even begin to describe the total chaos this closure is causing. It took us almost an hour to get from downtown to K-Mart on Wilson. It took even longer to get home again. We actually saw the motorcade exiting the freeway heading toward the university. That was pretty cool.

K-mart was really great about returning my money and I thought about buying another one there, but I didn’t have much luck with the previous two, so we went to Sears. I found a TV that I like and within my price range and purchased it immediately. Just as he began to hand me the receipt, the man behind the register asked me “You have to pick that up at the warehouse. Is that okay?” “Um, I guess so. I replied. Isn’t that just upstairs?” Turns out the warehouse is out off of White Lane. It sure would have been nice to know that ahead of time.

We jumped back in the van and battled the traffic southwest until we finally located the warehouse just of Stine Road. After walking inside a strange, little shop, full of parts for washers and stuff, I stood in line for about 30 minutes while a man picked up his lawn mower and two women received their vacuums. When I finally stepped up to the counter the man look at me, receipt in hand and said “Oh – you need to drive around back to pick up your item.” UGH! Are you kidding me? It sure would have been nice if some could have told me that a half hour ago. I love standing in line for nothing.

So we pile back into the van AGAIN and drove around back. On the way we noticed the small, poorly hung sign indicating that is where I should have gone in the first place. They seriously need to think about hiring a new person to make their signs. The pick-up went quickly and then it was just a matter of getting home again without going insane in the snarled traffic. What the heck? He’s only the V.P. for goodness sake.

When I got home and unloaded the TV, I immediately called to have my satellite turned back on. I’m pretty sure the person who answered my call is the stupidest employee ever. At least I hope so. I had to repeat and spell all of my information three times. Plus, he seemed to have a mouth full of mush and I had to keep asking him “what did you say?”

It was a 3 1⁄2 hour ordeal, but I have a new working TV and I’m going to veg out in front of it for awhile.

Up and At'em!

I woke up this morning at 6:00, just like I normally do. But instead of jumping out of bed I rolled back over and allowed myself to go back to sleep. I don’t have to work today, and I was determined to sleep in. A couple of hours later I awoke to what sounded like a large mosquito buzzing. It was the gardener and his favorite gardening tool, the leaf blower. Still determined to sleep, I placed a pillow over my head and dozed off again.

Thirty minutes later the gardener was standing directly beneath my bedroom window, the smell of fuel burning, trying to blast every last leaf and/or speck of dirt through the wall and into my brain. Alright, Alright! I’ll get up! Who are you – my dad?

I do have a lot to do today, and although a previous forecast had predicted nothing but rain everyday, all week; it’s actually been quite nice. I took some pictures of the amazing clouds we’ve been seeing lately, but for some reason I have not been able to upload any pictures to my blog ever since I started using that Bakotopia camera. I’ve been sabotaged!

The main item on my agenda, however, is to return my TV to K-Mart. Again. I called them and explained my situation and the manager I spoke to was kind enough to take pity on me and allow me to return the set. Whew! Now if this next TV dies any time within the next year, I am going to have a TV bashing party.

I’ll supply the goggles, and you get to BYOB (Bring your own Bat!).

Time Out

I’ve sort of been out of it lately. I have lots of stuff I want to write about, but my mind just doesn’t seem to be functioning properly. It might have something to do with all the extra hours I’ve been working for Bakotopia. That Dan – he’s a slave driver. To show the extent of my devotion, I actually went to Rockin’ Rodeo last night. (sigh) That place is freaky. But I did have a good time dancing to “White Lines” and taking pictures, which you can see here.

If you scroll down you'll see a little old lady named Gay. (She would always introduce herself by saying "My name is Gay, but I'm not" and then burst into laughter.) She used to be my neighbor. She moved to Fresno about a year ago to be near her kids, so I was really surprised to run into her last night. When I asked about living in Fresno, her reply was “F*** Fresno. I hate that place.” You can see why I miss her so much. That Gay! She's such a card.

Anyway, I decided that instead of worrying about disappointing my devoted readers who are used to about a million posts everyday, I am going to give myself a break and take a little time off. Just today and tomorrow. And possibly Monday. I wonder if I can go that long without suffering from withdrawl?

I’m not breaking up with you – I swear! I just need a little time to think about our relationship.

Your 2 cents

My friend Amy in NY sent me an email asking who I think is the best cell phone company in town. Her parents are shopping around for a new provider because they’re not happy with Verizon. I told her I’ve had Cingular for about 4 years now and I think it’s great.

What do y’all think? What company do you use and which one provided the best coverage in Bakersfield?

On Assignment

Okay, so here’s the deal. Dan the Man behind Bakotopia asked me to go out last night and take pictures of people I meet and tell them a little about their web site. Since I was already planning on heading out, I agreed. I took a camera along and a pocket full of Bakotopia business cards. The result was amazing. I had SO much fun interacting with everyone, and they were all excited about having their picture's posted. I was so inspired I ended up running all over town, trying to capture the flavor of the Bakersfield scene. The results of my effort can be found here.

I am totally excited about working with Bakotopia, and I hope many more fun and memorable evenings will follow.

Quick note

Dude – I was ALL OVER the place last night. My sweet, little friend Bree (who is engaged to Joel from Gramercy Riff) and I went to The Montgomery WORLD Plaza to check out the battle of the bands. From there we went to The Silver Fox, The Mint and The Cat! Boy, my feet are tired. I have much to share, but a jillion things to do today, so y’all are just going to have to chill for awhile.

I’ll be back.

Six Beers or more to the floor..

I’m soooo excited! I found another new Bakersfield blogger, and this one really has a great idea! It’s all about beer! Welcome aboard Six Beers!

Typical Bako. We like to drink around here. There’s nothing else to do, right?

Wait! According to Six Beers, Murphy's Tavern will be closeing soon! Is this true? How awful!

Stylin' Bakotopia

When the Bakotopia folks learned that the shirt they sent me didn't fit - what did they do? They went out and ordered a smaller shirt just for little ol' me.

How cool is that? I know you're jealous Waist High!

The Songs of Bakersfield

Not much has been going on lately. The weather has been gorgeous so I’ve been spending as much time outside as possible. Last night my friend Gee took me to Mexicali in honor of Waist High’s B-day. That was pretty fun. I was thinking about going camping with my brother this weekend, but now the forecast is calling for rain all weekend and camping in the rain does not sound like fun to me.

Tonight it looks like I’ll be completing my first assignment for Bakotopia. I’m going to go out, talk to people, and take their picture to be posted later. I sure hope I’m up for the job.

Todd, of poker night fame, sent me an email asking a good question. Besides “The Streets of Bakersfield” how many other songs are about our town? Unfortunately, I may know a lot about Bako, but don’t know a lot about music. (Except that I like it, of course.)

So I ask you – how many other songs are about Bakersfield?

Happy St. Patrick's Day y'all!

Indigenous Geek

I discovered another blogger with a link to my site today. How cool is that? I am adding a link to his blog as well, cuz that’s how it SHOULD be in the blogosphere.

Peace David, I look forward to checking out your blog!

Sniper baby

Despite the fact that the BPD are known to shoot first and ask questions later, a 16 year old boy thought It’d be fun to take aim at aPolice Technician Monday night. True, technicians do not carry weapons, but still! Michelle Gonzalez was “checking on a possible traffic hazard…in the Silver Creek area” when she felt something whiz past her head. She quickly returned to her truck. As she began to drive away, one of her windows suddenly shattered. The boy, who was quickly arrested, had a BB gun and had earlier tried to shoot one of his neighbors. I’m glad I don’t live in that neighborhood!

I know he’s just a teenager, but that boy is DUMB!

The Silver Fox

A lot of the people who liked to go to the Padre (and are still missing it) have started going to The Silver Fox. They usually have live music every Thursday night and Karaoke every Friday night. Now they have a web site where you can check out what’s going on.

I wish I could spend my St. Patty’s there.

Thinking

©Felix Adamo. He has the best pictures of Bakersfield.

I wonder what happened to this infamous sign after they took it down. Was it destroyed? Does somebody have it in their backyard? Is it being preserved in a vault somewhere for the sake of posterity? I sure would like to see it fixed up. Maybe we can get Buck on the job.

Does anybody else remember the sign we had briefly that read “Bakersfield – Come for a visit – Stay for a lifetime?” That sign was scary.

Happy Birthday Waist High!

photo © The Waist High Collection

Today is the day my archenemy and favorite new friend was born. I believe she is 37, which means she is almost 40, which means she’s practically dead. So cheer up, LTD…You won’t have to put up with your mother much longer!

I'm sure all the 80's rock stars you wish happy birthday to every freakin' day would send you their best wishes too - IF THEY KNEW YOU EXISTED!

Exhibit A

The reason behind my “Spider monkey attack” & “Mean monkeys in the closet” stories – as posted by a member of the Mears family.

Overheard

Two teenagers just walked past me talking to each other. Just as they passed, one looked at the other and said “You’re a bigger Daleian than I am.”

That ain't the Avon lady

The peaceful Oleander area had some excitement yesterday when a “wild-eyed” man was walking around the neighborhood trying to open doors. According to an article in the paper today, a woman leaving for work saw the man coming at her and quickly got into her car and locked the doors. Staring at her through the window he was “drooling and breathing through his teeth like the guy on Silence of the Lambs.” Can you imagine how freaky that would be?

When the police arrived the man ran and then turned and tried to slash an officer with a knife. And after a brief struggle he was subdued and arrested. I'm surprised they didn’t shoot him.

One night in Oildale

Growing up in middle class, small town suburbia has its advantages. I had supportive family & friends; I received a good education and I was taught to work hard to succeed. It was this hard work ethic which led me to accept a job working the late shift as a cashier at a Texaco StarMart on Olive Drive, just off Highway 99. I was in college at the time, I needed the cash, and I could study in-between customers. Nevertheless, it was not long before my desire to succeed was over shadowed by the realization that I had a false sense of security.

Working alone six to midnight every Friday and Saturday, I had pretty much gotten used to the weirdos and miscellaneous freaks who would wander in to purchase cigarettes, buy beer or stop for a tank of gas. I even became used to the frequent complaints about having to “pay first” for gas (as if I had just made up the concept to irritate them). Still, nothing could have prepared me for the frightening, and in many ways, life altering experience that happened one night.

A semi-regular customer (whom I had previously mentally nick named “Captain Ahab”) pulled up in his green and primer gray jalopy. He was a barrel of a man, thick and stout, with dirty fingernails and a sunburned face. He wore the same oil stained overalls I had seen him in before, and a greasy ball cap pulled down low over his frizzy, red hair. His full beard and moustache reminded me of a cross between a lumberjack and a sea captain. I could barely make out his steely blue eyes. His voice was deep and rough, hiding a slight southern drawl. He never smiled…ever.

“Number one,” he mumbled as he shoved a twenty-dollar bill at me across the counter. “Okay” I said cheerily, “Twenty on one.” Then I watched as he plodded outside and began to pump the fuel. The left, rear fender of his car was held on with duct tape and the headliner inside the car sagged in shreds. As I turned back to my homework, I couldn’t help but wonder what his life must be like.

Shortly after I turned back to my studies, a loud, beeping alarm sound caused me to look up again. ‘Ahab’ was outside, glaring at me through the window, frantically gesturing at me to turn the pump on again. I held up my hands to indicate my helplessness and waved for him to come back inside.

Furious, he stormed back inside. Mumbling and angry, he spouted derogatory and racist remarks as he slapped another twenty on the counter. Stunned as I was by his outburst, I tried to explain I could not turn the pump on without entering a dollar amount. “Ahab’s" retort was several profanities accompanied by a steely look. When he returned to his car, I felt my own temper grow as he continued to glower at me through the window. Then suddenly, I had a moment of clarity: I’m alone. Working the night shift at a gas station. In Oildale. This dude probably has a gun tucked away under the seat of his excuse for a car.

When he returned for his change, I tried to maintain my composure. He had only managed to squeeze in another twenty-two cents worth of gas. I kept my head down and eyes averted while he continued his tirade and I attempted to count back his change. My face was red hot and I heard a faint buzzing sound in my ears. And then, after a particularly inflammatory remark that he made - I lost it. Just as he turned to the leave, still spewing profanity and racist remarks, I let him know that he didn’t have to pay first at the Chevron across the street, and he should probably go there from now on.

What happened next is, without a doubt, one of the most terrifying things I have ever experienced (next to the monkey attack, of course). Ahab blew up into a fury of volcanic rage. Beet red and screaming at the top of his lungs, he erupted into a stream of profanity and nonsensical remarks, some of which included calling me a “n***r luvin’ whore.” Watching him explode and worried for my own safety, I tried not to show the fear which had suddenly gripped me. I lashed back out at him, hoping he would think I was as crazy as he was. I screamed at back him to get out and never come back.

What happened after that it is a blur. He headed for the door and for what I thought was the gun I imagined being in his car. The stream of obscenities continued and the more he bellowed at me, the more I yelled back at him. I have no doubt he wanted to throttle my neck. His stare was menacing and he had a wild look in his eyes.

Just then a small, elderly Asian man opened the door and stepped in. Quickly realizing what was going on, he made a small step backward in retreat. Seeing this as my opportunity, I informed “Ahab” that he should leave and never return or I would call the police. Abruptly, just as quickly as the storm began, it abated.

It took me a long time to shake the feeling I got from that night. At first I was sick and wobbly from the actual event. But more significantly, it was the feeling that I had afterward. That is the lesson that has stayed with me.

My sense of security was lost. I had come face to face with pure hatred. Beneath his sharp, blue eyes, I saw hatred. And the realization that there are countless others out there, just like him.

W.U.D.

It was another pleasantly mild & breezy day. I would have gone outside to work in the yard but my crack head neighbor (who says ‘mutha effer’ VERY loudly after every other word) had his music blaring again. Not only that, but he’s attached a Scooby-Doo bed sheet to the edge of the patio as a sort of make-shift shade.

I cringe every time I walk outside

Looking for a good blog to read?

Click here to see the best of the best.

Bakersfield Sound

Check out the cool new web site I found about country music in Kern County. There's some good stuff in here.

This web site is all about Rock-a-Billy music and Bakersfield. Scroll down to "The Bakersfield Sound" for an interesting little history lesson.

My evening out - Part Two

Here's the rest of story I began I few days ago.

After finishing our delicious meal at Xander’s I decided to show Kady another new place in town. The Cigar Bar on 17th Street off Chester. It’s been there for a while, but it’s still relatively undiscovered. If you abhor smoking this is not the place for you. If you do smoke or at least don’t mind, it’s a nice change of pace. The space is relatively small, but the back is a large open room with comfy sofas. The décor is warm and comfortable, much like I’d expect a cigar bar to be. They serve beer and wine and, of course, cigars. Kady and I ordered a glass of wine, then went sat on one of the sofas.

Not long after we arrived a very friendly man named Micky, walked into the back looking for his blind date. We thought maybe he suspected it was one of us, but then he explained that he is gay, thus his date is with a man. We chatted briefly, then he returned to the front room. Later I noticed one of my neighbors in the same room, so Kady and I moved our location to the bar. There we quickly noticed that the man on the blind date with Micky did not look very comfortable. As a matter of fact, he looked downright mortified. Kady began to talk to Micky again, and his date turned to me and said with total desperation “I’M NOT GAY!” It’s still unclear to me who would do that to someone and why, but there it was. Ross was pretty cool about it considering. Nonetheless, Kady and I were recruited to rescue the situation and our two-some suddenly became a four-some.

After the cigar-bar we headed down to PJ’s nightclub for some jazz. It was still early so we were able to get a table right away. The band playing was great as usual and it was nice to be able to sit at a table and be served by a waitress. We enjoyed the music and the conversation and Kady & Micky enjoyed a dance. That really got things going and the next thing I knew, we were at Casablanca, the gay dance club not far from The Mint.

Micky showed off his moves on the dance floor while the rest of us enjoyed a drink nearby. I kept my eyes peeled for Enrique but I never saw him. He probably doesn’t like to go to that tacky place. Ross and I got up and danced a few times too, whenever I heard a song I liked and dragged him onto the floor.

Over all I’d say a good time was had by all, although I doubt Ross will ever go on a blind date again.

Redneck Alert!

On December 10, 2004 the BPD attempted to pull over a car driven by Robert Macklin. Knowing he had a gun hidden in the back seat, Macklin tried to escape by leading police on a short chase and then turning onto a dead end street. According to reports, the car then turned and attempted to run over an officer who had exited his patrol car. Four shots were fired and the passenger, Elias Quinones, was killed.

Today there’s a new article in The Californian about Macklin. His first experience with police came when he was just three years old. The apartment building he was in caught fire and the BPD were the first to arrive on the scene. After several attempts to enter the smoke filled room, fire fighters arrived and rescued the boy. Macklin was left with lung damage and multiple scars but his reply when asked about the incident was “I just got burned up.”

The fire and the car chase are not the only run-ins Macklin has had with the law. Last month, while out on bail, he was involved in a fight in Oildale that sent Charlie Burnside “to the hospital with stab wounds in his neck, back, arm and hand.” Macklin fled the scene but later admitted to the attack. His explanation for stabbing Burnside is “I almost got my thumb cut off by that guy.”

Faced now with spending the next four years in jail Macklin says “I’m sorry for getting into trouble” and he “ain’t a bad guy” and he does “nothing but good things for people.” Most of all he just wants to get back to the life he had before “watching TV and visiting family.”

Matildakay's Top Ten

I FINALLY received another "Top Ten places to go in Bakersfield" list to share with y’all. The lovely and talented Matildakay has a great list that includes some places I have never been before. I love Italian food but I’ve never eaten at Sorrella’s (I know, I know!) so I’m moving that to the top my list of things to do. Nice work M.K!

(Now the rest of you need to get busy! I want more Top 10!!)

1) Sorrella's Italian Ristorante - My favorite restaurant in Bakersfield-- Great Italian food, great atmosphere, three great beautiful women who own the place.

2) Condors Hockey games at the Rabobank Arena - The games are such great fun, the hockey is exciting to watch and there are great fights too. Conner James and Fukufuji are fan favorites.

3) The Fox Theater - I love watching movies at the Fox Theater. It's the biggest screen in town. The art deco look is cool and when you sit in the balcony and see the twinkling 'stars' on the walls and ceiling around the stage it gives you a very unique movie watching experience.

4) Barnes & Noble Bookstore - I like getting lost in bookstores and music stores for an hour or so... and I really like the way Barnes & Noble is set up compared to Borders. I can find what I'm looking for easily and I feel like I can stay and linger as long as I want.

5) Akira's Japanese food - Another great restaurant in town. They have the best fried rice in town. I love their tepan style food.

6) Jamba Juice - I'm addicted to their Orange Dream Machine smoothies. It's my new comfort food.

7) Pier 1 Imports - I love to window shop there and occasionally I buy something on sale. They have great things on clearance sometimes.

8) Oleander area - I love to walk around and drive around in this area of town and look at all the old and grand houses and all the huge trees in the neighborhoods.

9) The Old Padre bar - When it was open the Padre bar was a great place to hang out.

10) Santiago's Mexican Restaurant - My favorite Mexican family dive restaurant. They have the best margaritas and the best Mexican food in town.

I's adora Izzadora

I’m exhausted. Today I got up early and went to church, had a big lunch with my family, visited with my friend and her baby, then drove across town to visit with another friend and help her grade essays. While I was there a third friend called asking for a babysitter, so I drove back across town and loaded up the kid. From there I went back to the first friend’s house and introduced Clara to Izzadora. They liked each other immediately.


After tearing apart Clara’s room, Izzy and I headed to Rosa’s for dinner. I have another friend who works there. Izzy and I enjoyed a good meal together. She particularly liked the bread and the olives. But it was a special piece of lettuce that she decided to place on top of her head for safe keeping.


After eating, Izzy determined it was getting hot in there, so she tried to take off all her clothes. She sort of got stuck about half way through and then decided that was good enough.



After leaving we headed back to my friend’s (the one with all the essays) house way out off of Fairfax. There Izzy amazed us with her ability to run up and kick a soccer ball with absolute perfection. This chick is a natural.

Around 10 o’clock I started back to Izzy’s house. Hoping to conk her out, I drove real slow along the bluffs. When it was clear I was going to fall asleep before she was, I went ahead and took her home.

I had a great time seeing my friends and playing with Izzy today, but I gotta tell you – I’m real glad I get to sleep through the night. I can't wait to go to bed.

Don’t ask me why I just remembered this.

A few years ago as I was driving south on 99 heading to LA, I witnessed one of the weirdest things I have ever seen.

A cow leapt over the fence from Oak Street, slid down the steep, ice plant covered bank and ran out in front of a car heading north.

In my rear view mirror I saw two cars smash into each other and that cow trucking down the road.

W.U.D.

It has been nothing but sunny and warm lately. Out of the blue, this morning it's misty and cool. I feel like I'm at the beach. Minus the beautiful scenery of course.

And on a side note...If I hear that song “The Reason” by Hoobastank one more time I’m going to start taking hostages.

Poker in the back yard. Liquor in the back as well.

Let’s see now… what was the last thing I said before I left? Oh yeah, “I’m going to kick some butt at the poker table now.”


Well…see that stack o’chips? Those are mine. See that big o’ smile? That is mine is as well.


See that empty seat over there? That’s the one I left after I TOOK ALL OF THEIR MONEY!

That’s right, baby. Don’t mess with the bull, honey…you’ll get the horns.

(Thanks again Todd! Can’t wait to come back. I mean that. I really do.)

My evening out - Part One

I’ve been Jonesing to blog all day. It’s like an addiction once you get started. Gotta hit that crack pipe. But between the blogging, and the kid, and the job, and all the other things I deal with everyday, I am embarrassed to report I have been neglecting my house cleaning. Big time. Ew. I was about to start going to a gas station to use their restroom because it HAD to be cleaner than my own. Talking with a friend today, I told him it looks like a crack whore lives here. Actually, her place would probably be cleaner.

So, I finally buckled down and made it happen today. This place is spotless and I keep wandering from room to room to bask in the glorious cleanliness I have created. I’m thinking about sleeping in my car tonight so I don’t mess anything up.

It wasn’t easy to stick to the plan today. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm with a lovely breeze, and my garden is also in need of some serious attention. (Tomorrow – I swear! I’ll do it tomorrow.) In addition to the glorious weather, I’ve been dying to tell y’all about last night.

I heard recently that Xander’s Bar and Grill had relocated from the Rosedale area to downtown. (Yeah! It looks as though downtown is really starting to take off.) A friend of mine, Babs, told me she drove by the place and that I should go check it out. So last night I convinced my friend, Kady, to go there for dinner. Kady is the same friend I took the Wine Seller recently, and in spite of my rather poor review, she said she enjoyed it. Nonetheless, it was great when we were both thrilled after we walking into Xander’s last night.

Kady immediately told me it reminded her of a restaurant in Santa Cruz, where she went to school and worked as a waitress. It definitely has a different feel. One of the walls is painted with thick, colored stripes, another is solid lime green, and a third is painted grey. Very cool abstract art is hung throughout (we wondered if they’re from local artists) and semi-loud techno music thumped heavily through the loud speakers. The kitchen is located in the back, but still in the middle of things enough so that the chefs could be seen working their magic. We were so excited we completely forgot about checking out the bar. I found out later it is located downstairs.

We got to the restaurant early and we were seated right away. Our waiter, Ryan, appeared quickly and we decided to order a bottle of the house Chardonnay. I can’t remember what it was now (shoot!) but it was really good and it only cost $19.00. The menus are printed on paper, folded into thirds, but it was tastefully done and indicated that the dinner specials change daily. The wine menu, however, was clearly homemade from what appeared to be gold, foil-wrapped paper and looked, I’m sorry to say, very cheesy.

Kady and I both commented on how affordable the food prices were. In addition to the entrees, there were appetizers, pizzas, sandwiches, soups & salads, and side dishes. The most expensive item on the menu was the ‘Xander’s Ribs’ for $19.00. Nearly all of the items on the menu sounded wonderful. Wanting to make the most of our experience, we decided to order two appetizers, a salad, and a side dish. When we go back next time (and we will) we plan to sample the entrees.

There were twelve appetizers to choose from and all of them were very appealing. It was difficult to make a decision, but we finally settled on the lobster and avocado rolls and (as suggested by our waiter) the garlic shrimp. For the salad we chose ‘Xander’s salad’ described as “fresh greens topped with apples, candied pecans, tomatoes, gorgonzola cheese, rotisserie chicken and topped with a walnut vinaigrette.” Yum. And for the side dish we agreed upon the Mushroom Risotto – “Creamy saffron risotto mixed with seasonal mushrooms and parmesan cheese.” Double yum.

Everything was wonderful. Kady and I kept ooing and ahhing the whole time. I can’t really say which dish was my favorite because they were all so good, but the risotto was amazing! For dessert, we were offered the Crème Brule, but sadly had to decline. We were both too full. I'm sure it is wonderful. Our waiter told us that they frequently serve a chocolate torte which he described as “amazing.” The price for the entire meal? Fifty dollars. Now that’s Bakersfield for ya. I can’t wait to go back.

The only complaint I had (and this is SO minor) was that were there no paper seat covers in the ladies restroom. And you know, after polishing off a bottle of wine and a delectable meal, a girl’s gotta have a paper seat cover.

Part two of my evening out will follow soon. I’m going to kick some butt at the poker table now.

Making plans

I’m planning a poker game this weekend in honor of my friend Flo. She’s coming to town to visit. Todd very graciously offered to let us use his house. Thanks Todd! I’m looking forward to tomorrow night!

Tonight, however, I have no plans and no T.V. so I decided to look in the paper to see what’s going on. People who complain there is nothing to do in this town really have no idea what they are talking about. Sure, it’s not LA. But if you want LA go there!

I was surprised by the number of things listed in the paper. If you enjoy theater there are 7 different productions to choose from. There are 5 concerts and 22 different shows at various clubs and restaurants. There are also 9 different Art events for the art lovers out there.

Doesn’t sound too small town to me.

1957 East Bakersfield

Do we still have postcards showing the streets of Bakersfield?

Before there was Blogger

This was how people shared what was going on in Bakersfield.


I guess I'm not the only one who loves the post office.

Ya never know...

A few years ago I had a big house with an extra room. I decided I would rent the room out to save some money, so I put an ad in the paper. A few people called and I had them come over to see the room and fill out an application. They were all very nice and all the info checked out, but it suddenly dawned on me…I don’t want a stranger living with me! It’s true that living with a person you know is a great way to ruin a relationship and in many ways living with someone you don’t know might be easier. But there are a lot of whackos out there. Unfortunately, one Bakersfield family learned this lesson the hard way.

An article in the paper today explains why Marco Gutierrez was stabbed to death last Tuesday. Gutierrez and his fiancée had rented a room in their home to Gary Dale Myers Jr. but were having trouble collecting the rent, so they decided to keep a portion of the money he gave for his cell phone bill. When Gary’s cell phone was shut off, he came home mad. First he beat Gutierrez with a tire iron, then he stabbed him repeatedly with a sword and a knife. Leaving Gutierrez dead on the floor, Myers decided to go for drive. When the police arrested him near Tehachapi he was “grinning and humming.”

I love my cell phone too, but I don’t think I’d kill for it.

Kisses Darling!

If you haven’t yet, you simply must run to Enrique and throw your arms around her. I love her so much and all her reports from “the enchilada highway.” Sweetie, we so need to go burn up the dance floor at the Casablanca!

Keep up the good work baby doll! Jajajaja!

Peace out

It’s been a busy day, and looks as if it’s going to be a busy night, so I won’t be around much. I just wanted to give y’all the heads up so you don’t think I’m dead in a ditch somewhere.

Have a great day!

Occupation? Idiot.

There’s a fun article in the paper today about the answers suspects have given over the years when being booked in to jail. When Deputies ask for “occupation” they often get some interesting answers. According to the article, some of them include “Pusher, Hustler, Drug addict, and (from a homeless wino), wine tester.”

I can’t help but wonder if the suspects were trying to be funny. Somehow I doubt it.

A cool looking old photo I found on ebay.

LTD - Special Correspondent - Report #1

When asked how she has dealt with her crazy mother over the years:

“I have always been embarrassed of my mom; if my friends saw her I would just tell them that she was the maid.”

When asking about her thoughts about their infamous trip to Seattle:

“My mom tried to act 15 and blend in. We went into a music recording booth and she was screaming Nirvana. It was disturbing.”

When asked about the funniest thing W.H. did this weekend:

“She bought incense so that "it smells good when we crap."

And so, it begins...

Check out Living with Waist High’s first REAL posts! Then you’ll see why she’s my “special correspondent.”

Don’t mess with the bull W.H. – or you’ll get the horns!

Props to da Man

Another blog I read by a great dude (I somehow neglected to mention.) We can all learn a lot from this guy.

Sorry ‘bout the over sight. You’re Dan the Man!

Think Good Thoughts

My new TV is dead and it's going to cost me a butt load to either replace or fix it. Take my advice, do not buy a Philips TV. But, I won an iPod recently and I also got a GREAT deal on a GREAT car. So, every time I start to get pissed, I think about my son's favorite song. (You've got to see him sing it. It's so cute!)

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python:

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble,
Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistle]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistle]

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle.
That's the thing.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistle]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistle]

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...

Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistle]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistle]

Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistle]

Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]

W.U.D.

The weather has been SO nice for the past few days. The high today was 81°. It’s always nice when we start to rise above the cold, foggy winters and see the sun again. A long time ago I posted on my blog about how Bakersfield sort of has (emphasis on SORT OF) a bad rap when it comes to the weather. Most of the time it’s pretty mild. Maybe too mild. That would explain all the confusion and excitement around here when it rains.

There's a gentle breeze outside right now, so I think I'll go for a walk.

A birth annoucement!

Ladies and Gentlemen: I would like to introduce you to my new baby – iPod. She was born yesterday and weighs just 3.6 ounces. Her skin color, green was chosen in honor of my former high school and as a big ‘IN YOUR FACE’ to Waist High.

The staff at Bakotopia had a message engraved on the back for me. It reads “Thanks from Bakotopia. Take that, Waist High!”

I swear, I am not making this up. I did not ask them to do that – they just did. I nearly wet myself when I saw it. I was planning on sharing some of the tasty little tid-bits my new “Special Correspondent” LTD feed to me recently, but I think enough is enough for one day. I’d hate to send her back to the hospital. She does have the LTD to care for.

So, you caught a break W.H.! And so did I! Thanks to Bakotopia for choosing my rap.

I’m going to go download some music now. Yee Haw!!

Ten Best Revival!

Back in January, I posted this idea on my blog. I asked everyone to send me his or her “Top Ten Places to go in Bakersfield” list. I received several, and the idea even evolved in to Past and Present places. I haven’t seen any lists in a while, so I’m putting the call out again.

Let every one know about your favorite places to go!! Post a comment or email me at baketownblog@hotmail.com.

People on the Streets of Bakersfield

A little while ago I was driving down Union Ave. and I saw a man in a wheel chair moving himself down the sidewalk by walking his feet beneath the seat. He had both of his arms, so I couldn't help but wonder, if his legs are working, why is he in a wheel chair? Less than a minute later I saw another man, walking across the street just fine while sporting a pair of crutches under each arm. Weird.

Speaking of weird, I’ve been noticing an increase in strange “homeless” type people wandering around downtown. One man in particular stands out; I’ve seen him several times over the past few weeks. Either he was a boxer in his former life or he has aspirations to be one. He definitely was not a fashion consultant. This guy wears the wackiest get ups!

He always has something on his head. It usually looks like a poorly formed turban, but sometimes it looks like more of a shower cap. The rest of his body is covered as well, including his hands, but none of his combinations are even remotely okay. He’ll wear a tropical print shirt with bright green basketball shorts, and long john underwear beneath it all. Most of the time when I see him he is jogging down the street with his great, jerky strides, while punching in the air as if he is training for a big fight. This morning I saw him standing on a corner swinging his arms wildly in big circles.

The best part is, every time I see him he looks SO happy. It makes me want to stand on the corner and swing my arms around too.

Reader Poll

I was talking with my friend Amy recently and she mentioned that she heard Rick Wartzman, an editor for the Los Angeles Times, is working on a book about Kern County and it’s reaction to the release of John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath.

We both agreed it seemed odd that we, having grown up in Bakersfield and attended its public schools, did not read the book or even learn about it until college. We definitely didn’t know that it had once been banned. I’m interested in finding out what other people’s experiences are.

When you attended high school in Bakersfield, did you read or discuss The Grapes of Wrath?

(Clarification!! Amy just emailed me and told me my wording in this post made it sound like we had never even heard of the book. Then she called me a hillbilly. I did not mean to imply this. I'm only saying it was not read in high school. Geez - is that CLEAR enough for ya Amy? Get off my back!)

Monkey Mania!

It looks like the recent attacks by the chimps in Kern County and my Spider Monkey attack story mentioned on BoingBoing! has a lot of people talking about their own terrifying experiences. (By the way, just to be clear, a Chimpanzee is not a monkey.) After posting about my story, Mark Frauenfelder, co-founder of bOINGbOING! Magazine has posted three more interesting stories about people being attacked.

I can guarantee you I will not be visiting India any time soon.

Overheard In Bakersfield

My friend Amy in NY sent me a link today to one of the new blogs being sponsored by The Californian. It’s called Overheard In Bakersfield and it looks like it’s going to be a really fun blog!

I can’t wait to see what turns up on that one!

C.S.O.B.

A stretch limo painted green Army camouflage parked on the corner by Déjà Vu.

Bako Bathroom etiquette

A picture of the message posted above the toilet I visited tonight.

Two degrees, hold the bacon.

I went to my very first (mini) blog convention tonight. Me and some of the other bloggers on Bakotopia went to dinner to meet, chat, and get to know each other better. It was SO fun to talk in person with the people I have come to know and love via the blogoshpere. It’s sort of like getting to meet the actors on a soap opera you’re really into. The funny thing is, when I got home I found an email from my friend Amy in NY (another blogger). She sent me a link about an upcoming “free webcast on the vanishing newspaper and journalism values in a digital world.” Lo and behold, when I clicked on the “to find out more” link, I saw a picture of a person I had just shared a plate of appetizers with.

It kind of reminded me of the seven degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Green! White! Vikes! Fight!

Now that I don’t have a T.V. to entertain me, I’ve been calling all my friends I haven’t spoken to in while to catch up. One friend told me he started student teaching at Stine School yesterday. He told me he kept thinking about me and Flo, since that is where we met. As we talked I told him I went to that school for 8 years. He suddenly got quiet. Every time I tell someone that they look a little surprised. Kindergarten through 6th grade - that’s seven years. True. I was in the third grade twice. No, I did not fail. I was held back because I was “too small.”

My birthday is in the fall, and I barely made the cut off date to begin school. Because my brother and sister were so much older than me, I was already reading and I was very anxious to go to school. I did well the first few years, but there was one problem. My classmates were not treating me as a peer. They treated me more like a pet, or a doll. I was so tiny they would carry me around all the time. Of course, the fact that I am the youngest in my family and was used to being babied didn’t help. I think the best words to describe me back then would have to be spazzy, little brat.

By the time I had completed the third grade, my parents decided enough was enough. They wanted me held back to give me more time to mature. The school district said they couldn’t do it because I passed all my classes, so my mother made a big stink until they relented.

You’d think that being held back would have been totally humiliating to me, but it wasn’t. All the other kids would whisper about the little girl who got held back because she was too small. I knew the entire curriculum since I had already done it and I often would help the other students. As far as I was concerned, I ruled the third grade.

My parents' plan paid off. My grades improved and so did my personality. And best of all, that is how I met my best friend, Flo.

Sorry to see it go

Brace yourselves. You might want to sit down for this one… Swap-O-Rama is gone. An article in the Local section today explained that they closed back in February but had planned to open in a new location. Unfortunately they were not able to find a suitable location. Three-Way Chevrolet bought the property with plans to build another car dealership.

I honestly can’t remember if I’ve ever been to Swap-O-Rama. I think I did a few times when I was very little. I do remember laughing at the name when we would cruise by on our way the Crest drive-in theater. That’s how old I am. I actually went on dates to the drive-in.

I find it hard to believe they were unable to find a new spot. I mean, it’s a flea market! Can’t they just set up their tents & booths on a field or a dirt lot somewhere? We have plenty of those. How about the dirt lot on the corner of Wilson and Akers? That property has been sitting empty for decades.

Let us all observe a moment of silence in memory of Swap-O-Rama.

Hammersurf boards

When I was talking to Waist High last night I told her I have family who live in the Portland area. My uncle and aunt live there my and cousin lives in Cannon Beach. He’s a cool guy and he started his own surfboard company a few years ago.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me…I bet he has a website. Sure, enough – here it is! Right on Cuz – you rock!


Hammersurf boards are the best!

Puttin' you in your Place - Monkey Face!

Over the years when I shared my 'Spider Monkey Attack’ story with people, it was often met with much skepticism. Tonight in fact, on the phone with LTD, she asked me REPEATEDLY if I was making it up and/or just kidding. Over and over again I tried to assuage her doubts. I told her I had proof and I would provide it. But nothing – NOTHING – could be better than this. One of the people who saw the post on Boing! Boing! made this comment...

“Our crazy uncle Rick used to race monkeys on a small concrete track in the back yard. His wife blamed his odd hobbies on a high speed accident at Laguna Seca during his youth. As you can imagine the furry beasts worked up quite an appetite under the iron fist of Mr. Mears. The competitive drive and large leg muscles (which subsequently lead to one animal's escape) were no doubt to blame from your unfortunate encounter.”

And! As further evidence, I also received this comment. “I grew up in Bakersfield, and we had a spider monkey for a little while, but it ran away. It was mean, so we didn't look for it too hard. Guess now I know where it went. Actually, this would have been later in the 70s or early in the 80s.”

If you don’t believe my story now (to steal a quote from Waist High) you can go piss up a rope.

Fangs and all

I just got off the phone with Waist High. She called me up to cuss at me and threatened to beat me up (again.) She’s so scary she reminds me of something...oh, I know. A monkey!

I need CPR

My blog had a heart attack today.

I've been Boinged!

Check this out! I got quoted on Boing! Boing! Dude – that rules!!

Big Time Blogs

There are a couple of other blogs I like to read I haven’t mentioned before. I don’t know why I didn’t. I just didn’t. Get off my back.

Anyway, A Little Pregnant is written by one of the funniest women in the world. I discovered her blog when she was pregnant (finally) and went back through the archives to get the whole picture. This woman is just as good as Dooce. I would give St. James Davis' left foot to be as funny as this lady. I thought this post was especially good.

The other blog I like to check out is Mr. Sun! He’s done very well for himself in a short period of time. It’s easy to see why. He’s funny and interesting and, best of all, he gets to the point! With all the blog reading I do, I appreciate the brevity.

On a side note, I hate the song "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. It makes me want to choke someone.

Missing M&B

I used to listen to Mark & Brian in the morning. I listened to them for years. I grew to love Mark & Brian and I grew to believe they loved me too. Then one day, without warning, for no reason, no reason at all, they were gone. Some idiot at Clear Channel Communications decided to cut the nationally syndicated show from a market that is right in their back yard. Since then I have stopped listening to KRAB. The problem is, there aren’t many alternatives. KLLY 95.3 features “Jamie and Danny in the Morning” and they grate on my very last nerve. I’ve finally given up and just listen to NPR.


(Part of that little bit was from my favorite movie in the whole wide world, “The Heartbreak Kid.”)

Head to Christ

Mr. Head has his own new web site. Dang, that was fast. Dude is so not messing around.

(His middle name isn’t really Head, right?)

Philips TVs Suck Butt

I cannot even BEGIN to explain how pissed-off, stunned, and completely flabbergasted, I am right now. The TV that I purchased BRAND NEW this past fall – is dead. How do I know it's dead? I know because I purchased another TV, the exact same model, in August of 2004. That TV lasted a couple months (or less) and then, one day, when I tried to turn it on, it made a weird flash, as if it was starting, and went blank. Nothing I did to remedy the situation helped. At first I freaked because I couldn’t find the receipt. But then, luckily, I discovered it stuck in between the seats in my car. I promptly returned the set to K-Mart (I know, I know ... but it was on sale) and left with another. Since then, everything has been fine. Until today.

This piece of crap TV just did the EXACT same thing the other one did - weird flash, then nothing. It’s dead. I can NOT believe this. I still have the receipt on my refrigerator (I was more careful the second time.) I can’t remember if I mailed in the warranty or not.

The funny thing is, the original TV I was replacing, was great. I bought it when my son was, oh say... 3 or 4, and I never had one problem with it. So, last summer when I tried to turn it on and it did nothing, I was not that surprised. And I was not (too) upset. I knew it was his time to go. God rest his soul, Amen.

Needless to say, things have not been the same since my beloved JVC passed.

Save the Bluffs

The bluffs and canyons above Hart Park have been enjoyed by cyclists, hikers and runners since the 1930’s. Now, according to an article in The Californian, the owner of the 800 acre property wants to fence it off and “develop the land with homes, apartments and shops.” Most residents are not happy about the idea.

I understand why the company that owns the land would want to make money off it, but personally, I think it would be detrimental to the Bakersfield community. The area is one of the few natural spots we have to go. Thousands of people use those bluffs for recreation every year. In addition to the charity events held there each year, there is the 25 year-old Bakersfield Triathlon.

It would really be a shame to see this land turned into a bunch of track homes and trendy shops.

W.U.D.

It’s a beautiful, warm, sunny day and I’m running around in shorts and a tank top. This is one of the days it’s nice to live in Bakersfield.

Lions Like Living

I commented recently on an article in the paper suggesting that the increase of attacks by mountain lions should be met with a measure allowing hunters to kill the animals for trophies. Apparently I was not the only one who thought three attacks in the last ten years do not constitute a crisis.

One of the people attacked was a woman hiking in the Kern River Canyon. She was badly mauled but managed to survive, and recently appeared on “Larry King Live” talking about her harrowing ordeal. Today there are six letters in the Opinion section commenting on the issue.

The author of the first letter evidently has no soul. He basically said the woman who was attacked got what she deserved because “she acted stupidly.” (I SO do not want to party with that guy.) The author of the second letter claimed that there is no problem and blamed The Californian and Kern County for being “one of the most red-necked counties in California and the nation.” (Oh, come on now…the nation? No way. There has got to be some place in the Ozarks way more redneck.)

The next two letters support hunting the lions and one of them suggests that there just aren’t enough deer for all the lions to eat. (Shouldn’t we just stop hunting deer then?) The next letter is my favorite. John Thrasher asked “Who wrote this editorial? Was it ‘Bungalow Bill’?” (Heeey, Bungalow Bill, what did you kill? Bungalow Bill.) Mr. Thrasher thinks he has a better chance of “winning the lottery 100 times than seeing a mountain lion in the wild.” Uh, I beg to differ with you here John. My brother (who trust me has never won the lottery) has spotted (and been spotted by) the lions on two separate occasions while fishing.

In the final letter, by Fred Colcer, he emphatically states that he is not an “animal activist or environmentalist.” Nevertheless he believes the real problem lies with the humans, not the animals. He suggests that all the problems we struggle with are man made.

I think he said it best when he said “You don’t have to connect the dots to understand the real problems. Just observe disconnected human beings.”

Korny Komments

Yesterday I found out that two local DJ’s were fired after talking about a controversial T-shirt on their morning show. The T-shirt, found on the internet, was inspired by the recent exit of Brian “Head” Welsh from Korn and his decision to become a Christian. The shirt reads “Korn Gave Head To God.” It’s not clear if listeners complained or if the station managers were upset, but the pair were fired, basically on the spot, for talking about the T-shirt. I hope I don’t get fired for mentioning it on my blog.

Other Korn/Welsh related news...on the front page of the Local section today is a big color photo of Brian, looking very Christ-like (except for that tattoo on his neck) getting baptized in the Jordan River. Dude is not messing around. He went all the way to Israel to get dunked. More power to him!

Oh... the shame, the shame...

Waist High, you should probably sit down before reading this post. I found a 1983 Valhalla for sale on eBay. Sacrilege!

I wonder whose it is.

Talkin' Smog

I met the guy who bought my car today to get it smog checked. We weren't able to get it done last weekend. The guy had brought a friend along and as we gathered inside to pay he made a comment about a fat woman on the TV. The smog check man turned and looked at him and said, “Boy, you must not be from Oildale.” He then proceeded to tell us that three rednecks worked there. “There’s one Mexican, one Korean, and one white guy. But we’re all rednecks” he explained. Then he told us their names. The Korean is named Floyd, the Mexican is named Buford and the white guy’s name is Earl. Needless to say, we were all cracking up.

Earl then told us that they want to get a morning talk radio show. The Three Rednecks at the Smog Check station. Now there’s a program I could get into.

My night

I stepped out last night for a little while to see my friend’s band Addiction Theory. I heard they recently got signed so I wanted to congratulate them. When I got there they had already started.


There was a really large crowd and everyone was into the music. When they were finished, JR spotted me and introduced himself. Clearly, he is THE local music scene guru and while we chatted several musicians and a promoter came up to say hello.I was very happy to finally meet JR!


After giving hugs and best wishes to Addiction Theory, I headed home. The rain made for good picture taking, so I wandered around a bit first.


Then I realized I was walking around downtown by myself and this town is full of crazies, so I hurried on home.

Crazy Day

Waist High’s LTD was skeptical of me when I said I had never seen anything like the storm we had yesterday. It is true that Bakersfield does flood. Heck, way back in the beginning, when this city was very young, it used to flood all the time. That’s the price you pay for building a town in the middle of a river.

The thing that was different about yesterday’s storm was the amount of rain that fell in such a short amount of time. The official word is that we received a quarter inch of rain in less than two hours. But, according to The Californian, “some areas of the city…got hit with more than an inch of rain.” The real heavy down pour only lasted about 20 minutes.

The result? Numerous streets and intersections closed due to flooding, the fire department received 45 calls for help and the BPD was scrambling to assist with all the car accidents and other emergencies. As the head line said, all “Hail breaks loose.” Out in the northwest there was so much hail it looked like it snowed!

The good news is, it looks like that will be the last of the winter weather. We’re expected to be in the mid 70’s by next week. The bad news is, that means summer is just around the corner.

Duh Nile

After the storm

If you click on the picture you can see it better. It really looks cool.

Another one (or five) liner.

It’s too bad Waist High isn’t watching the news in B-town tonight. They just showed footage of the street in front of West High and Rosewood Retirement Community. The cars were stuck in water almost four feet deep! Obviously this town is not equipped for this type of storm.

I lived here all my life and I have never seen anything like this.

News Flash!

Robin Mangarin, of KGET fame, just informed TV viewers, that the dead man who was “in a coma for nearly three months, has died.”

Don't EVEN go there.

I just heard on the news that the Animal Haven Ranch from which the killer chimps escaped, also has a spider monkey on the premises.

F.Y.I. I will not be visiting the Kern River canyon this summer.

Kern plane circles the world!

This is an interesting bit of trivia.

Another W.U.D

I just found out it hailed in some parts of town (big ones too) and a funnel cloud was spotted near Delano. Streets all over town are badly flooded (as deep as 3 feet!) and, of course, accidents abound.

Hey W.H!

According to an article in the Business section today, "Gottschalks profits climbed 212 percent in 2004."

In Your Face.

In the news today...

The man accused of abandoning his trailer to his dogs and leaving them to starve was in court yesterday. Could it be a coincidence his last name is Bone? I think not. He has plead no contest to animal cruelty and will mostly likely receive probation. The terms may include counseling and being prohibited from owning animals. Uh –yeah..

The poor couple attacked by the chimpanzees yesterday are recuperating at Loma Linda hospital. The man, St. James Davis (wait! He’s a Saint?) was very badly mauled (I’m talking REALLY BAD.) The two chimps involved in the attack were killed and the others that escaped have been captured. It is safe for you to let your children out now.

It’s hard to believe city planners are even contemplating allowing more dairies in Kern County. The county is currently in the process of suing a dairy in Buttonwillow for “dumping dark brown waste-water on public land an letting mosquitoes overrun the resulting 16-acre knee-high lagoon.” That’s just nasty.

This is pretty cool. A family whose home in the northwest was being threatened by development has been given the opportunity to move the house. The Pinnell family has lived there since 1956, but it looked like a new road was going to force them to move. Lennar Homes is going to give the family two lots, move the house, and finally “fence it off from the suburban homes next door.” Sounds like they going to blend in real well with their new neighbors.

This is funny. The Sheriff’s S.W.A.T. where called out to a home near Mojave Thursday to capture a man hiding inside. After a seven hour long stand off, they finally figured out there was no one home.

W.U.D.

Wow. Real weather! I actually just saw some lightening! Cool. Everybody is all excited and looking out their windows. Look! Rain! Thunder! Oooo! It’s really coming down! Holy crap! That thunder clap was so loud all the car alarms went off. The whole building shook. Freaky!

I bet this means my son’s baseball game is cancelled. Speaking of which, I forgot to mention this… Last week when I went to his first game I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out what school the other team was from. Finally, giving up, I turned to a man nearby and asked him if he knew. “Oh, that’s West” he replied. I instantly turned red.

If W.H. was dead she would have rolled over in her grave.

Robby Rules!!

Some of you might remember this post from a long time ago. Or this post where I offered to give out the phone number of the best cabbie in town. If so, you were probably as surprised as I was to open the Local section of the paper today and see a big ol’ color photo of my friend Robby! Oh cool is that! Go Robby Go!

This is the man to call if you go out drinking and need to get home safely. Especially if you're a woman. I had some pretty creepy cab drivers in my day.

It's scary out there.

Gay Pride

I found this new Bako blogger after reading some of his hilarious comments on my site! Welcome aboard Enrique!

Ask and you shall receive

She did it! LTD has started her own blog! Woo Hoo!

Now we're REALLY in trouble.

Waist High might be Brocks, but whose offspring made this comment? “Write about something interesting, like Bake Town.” Not mine.

I know I live in Bako LTD, but if you need a place to stay, you are always welcome here.

Road Trip

I had to drive out past Fairfax today to a friend’s house so I decided to take my camera along to take some pictures of the drive. Let me tell you, trying to take pictures while driving a stick shift, swigging on a bottle of Jack, smoking a cigarette, and talking on a cell phone - ain’t easy.

I headed east on Panorama and had to swerve into oncoming traffic to get a view of the bluffs.


Then I accidentally ran a red light while trying to catch a pic of BC.


As I speed through an elementary school zone, I realized I had never driven to the very end of Panorama before,


so I kept going. Until I learned that Panorama dead ends at Morning Dr.


Which is where I got out and took a picture of the sky cuz there were so many plane tracks. I there must have been a hundred of them today.