Funniest New Search String

Bake Town is the #2 hit for "she male town." Eeeeewww!!!

Got Gas?

I was out of gas and just about out of money yesterday when I went to fill up yesterday. Usually I can fill my tank with twenty bucks. I noticed that the prices had already gone up from $2.67 to $2.76 in one day. I only had ten bucks on me, so I put it in and as I drove off I had almost a half tank of gas, so I figured I didn’t do too bad. Today after watching the news for awhile I decided to get my butt back to the station and fill my tank before the prices go through the roof.

The AM/PM by my house usually has some of the cheapest gas in town. As I pulled up the sign said that the price had gone up to $2.89. I guess that’s not bad. I heard that in some places gas prices are already $4.99. I put twenty bucks in and started to fill my tank. As I pumped I noticed that it said on the pump that I was paying $2.78. Ha! I must of gotten there before they made the switch. Thank God. That twenty bucks bought me a half tank of gas. On the way home I turned off the A/C and drove very, very slowly.

I wonder of all those people who bought Hummers are feeling so cool now.

An Explanation

I’ve been out of it lately. I was sick all weekend and now my house is so messy I don’t want to deal with it. I’m trying to work from home, but I’m finding myself going stir crazy. And when I’m not looking for some place to go I’m glued to the TV watching the Hurricane Katrina coverage. This morning when I woke up I was determined to go there and do what I could to help. After all, I have the time, and I could easily buy ticket and fly out there. But when I checked into it, it was pretty clear they need money a lot more than they need more bodies in the way. I just feel so bad for those people in the Superdome - and all the people in the gulf states.

Somehow nothing in the local news seems significant these days.

President Poop Head

I don’t usually get into political talk around here, mostly because I figure everybody is entitled to their own opinion and I really don’t want to argue about it. But given what is going on in New Orleans right now I have to ask – What the hell is wrong with our president? He’s kicking it in San Diego right now. He gave a speech today to a bunch of sailors comparing World War II to the war in Iraq. At some point he also urged people living in storm-ravaged states to hold off on returning to their homes until rescue crews could do their work. Oh yeah - and he urged people to send donations to the Red Cross and Salvation Army.

Where are his people who tell him about what’s going on in the world? Doesn’t he have a TV? Why isn’t he paying attention? He needs to get his sorry ass to Louisiana or Alabama or Mississippi and help those poor people. There are 10,000 people trapped in the Superdome with no A/C, toilets over flowing ,and water rising all around them. And the best President Bush can come up with is ‘I guess I’ll cut my vacation short.’

What a weenie.

Sending Good Thoughts

I’m having trouble doing anything except stare at my T.V. lately. The devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina is mind boggling. I feel SO bad for all the people in the areas hit by this terrible storm. I can not imagine what it must be like to have every thing you own just disappear. How would does it feel to have all your pictures and keepsakes destroyed over night? Awful, awful, awful. And now all those poor people are stuck with out electricity and water with temperatures in the 90’s and stifling humidity. I can not imagine any thing more miserable. My heart goes out to all the people suffering in the wake of this awful storm.

And in case you're wondering, the paper didn't have another hokey headline today.

Hick Town Headlines

The front page of today’s paper asks the all-important question of “When does the 5-second rule apply?” You know the one – how long can a peace of food or candy stay on the ground before it is no longer edible? Yes people. We have a war in Iraq and a hurricane in Louisiana, but our paper chooses to feature a giant article about people eating food off the ground.

Yet another example of the hokey headlines from Bakersfield.

Excessive force? No way!

It looks like we’ve going to have a very interesting case ahead of us. A man has come forward and said he witnessed the five deputies beating James Moore last week. Moore died six days later. Sergio Ojeda was sitting in the booking area when he saw Moore, handcuffed and shackled, resisting efforts to remove him from a cell and into a patrol car. Moore apparently was not ready to leave. According to the witness the deputies hit Moore in the side, kicked him, and pounded his against the car. Eventually Moore stopped resisting and fell to the ground in a coma.

It will be interesting to see how the D.A. prosecutes this murder.

Dedication

I have decided I am going to do nothing but write today. Besides eating, pooping, and watching TV of course. And maybe some light house cleaning. But for the most part I am going to do nothing but write. No matter how badly I want to escape my house. No matter how tired I may become. No matter WHAT happens, I am going to try and make up for the fact that I have been a total flake lately.

It’s not all my fault really. I’m taking a break from one job right now, and working more on another, so that’s been time consuming. And I’ve been traveling. I’ve spent more time on the road in the last month than I have in the past year. And I’m planning on doing more traveling soon. St. George, Utah and Las Vegas, Nevada are at the top of my list (aren’t they always?) and Charleston, South Carolina or Seattle, Washington, are not far behind.

Of course my travel plans may have to be altered if I don’t change my current eating habits. I seemed to have developed an unhealthy addiction to McDonald’s Egg McMuffin Value Meal (with an EXTRA hash brown on the side.) For the last two days in a row I have woken up, gotten dressed, got in my car, and driven to McDonald’s with out even thinking about it. It’s like I’m autopilot. The good thing is the Number One Value Meal is SO filling I won’t be hungry again till this evening, which leaves me even more time to write.

Then again, now that I’ve written this, and while I digest my Egg McMuffin, I think I’ll go pay a visit to my couch.

Stick 'em Up!

Armed robbery seems to be the crime of choice around town lately, as opposed to random senseless shootings, or resisting arrest while under the use of a controlled substance. We’re averaging one robbery per day. The funny thing is that they all seem totally unrelated. One burglary was committed at a Long’s Drug store, one was at a Walgreen’s, and two others were committed at a Fast Trip and a Seven-Eleven. I’m no criminal mastermind, but it seems to me that a convenience store would be a lot easier to manage during a burglary than an entire drug store.

Last night, according to an article in the paper, “five Hispanic males in their 20s — three of whom were armed with handguns — stole a purse from a woman.” Oh man, that kind of press can’t be good for their reputations.

How many men does it take to steal a lady’s purse? Five. Three to hold a gun on her and two to figure out how to open it.

News Nips

There are so many interesting things going on around town lately I don’t know where to begin.
Here are just a few.

A few days ago Animal Control was alerted to the fact that there was something funky going on in the Hart Flat neighborhood. When arrived they discovered 28 dead cats, in various stages of decay, lying all over the place. Ew. Another 16 had been found and buried by neighbors prior to their arrival. That’s 44 dead cats. Ew, ew! The article in the paper shows a picture of a man in a hazmat suit carrying a BUCKET OF DEAD CATS! You can totally see the stiff little legs sticking up out of the bucket.

There were also several live cats found on the property as well as a couple of horses and a few dogs. Until the cause of death can be determined the animals are being quarantined on the property. Right now there is speculation it could be the bubonic plague, which just sounds too medieval to be true. According to the paper the owners, Pete and Linda Miller, are being cooperative, but chances are good there will be charges brought against them.

(Speaking of cats, I recently diagnosed my cat as having an O.C.D. She CAN NOT stop cleaning herself. She would probably have a heart attack on the spot if she saw those cats in Hart Flat. Proof that my cat is obsessive compulsive? Once she is finally satisfied that she is clean enough, she goes outside, rolls in the dirt, then comes back in and starts all over again. I’m considering medication.)

----------------

The man who has been on life support since his “incident” with five sheriffs’ deputies last week, died on Sunday. The coroner has ruled James Moore’s death as a homicide and said that the cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head. Sheriff Mack Wimbish said that just because Moore died doesn’t mean his men did anything wrong and that we all need to keep an open mind while they conduct their investigation.

And if you don’t they’ll open it for you.

-----------------

Now that the government has promised to give Kern County a butt load of money to update and fix our roads, city planners are suddenly able to make decisions! It’s a miracle! According to the paper, “supervisors unanimously approved an updated route for the South Beltway” yesterday afternoon. For now the plan is to connect I-5 to 58 following Houghton Road and then heading northeast toward Comanche Drive. Of course, those plans may change and who knows how long it will take before anything really starts to happen.

-----------------

A Bakersfield police officer, who was arrested and charged with spousal abuse and child molestation, denied the charges in court yesterday. Supporters of Ryan Floyd say the accusations are false and the bi-product of a very bitter divorce. Floyd, who was elected Officer of the Year a few years ago, has admitted to having an affair and there is some speculation that his estranged wife is out to get him. Then again, several other people have a come forward and made claims, so it’s not just his wife making claims against him. Then again, they don’t really need witnesses and evidence anyway.

They can always just make stuff up.

Favorite New Search String

Looks like I'm not crazy after all. People around here really are lazy.

Mind Blowing

Right now, as I sit here and type this, I am listening to the gardener outside blowing the dirt and leaves from one location to another. About thirty minutes ago I was at Trader Joe’s and I noticed three men with leaf blowers walking around the parking lot blowing dirt and leaves around. I couldn’t help but wonder where they were going with all that debris. Then, after shopping, as I sat at the red light waiting to turn left onto Coffee Road, I watched as all three of the men, together, as if it had been choreographed, blew all the crap into the street. Then they turned and walked back to the truck, congratulating each other on a job well done.

I don’t get it. Leaf blowers don’t remove debris, they simply relocate the debris. But doesn’t that mean all they’re really doing is placing their crap on someone else’s property? Or in this case, on public property. And if all their doing is blowing the stuff into the street and under the bushes, doesn’t that mean it is still around and available to be blown back onto the property once another good breeze comes along? What’s the point? Instant gratification?

Ah, yes – see how nice my yard looks right now – free from dirt and leaves and debris! Tomorrow on the other hand, that is a different story.

Surrender to the Pink

I have returned home safe from yet another adventure and I am going to once again chose not to blog about it until I have recuperated from my travels. If ever. ;-) Right now all I want to do is peel off my clothes and slather myself in Aloe Vera. (Note to self: Paba free, water proof, SPF 30 baby sun block does NOT cut the mustard.)

I did buy myself the adorable new sun hat shown above. Too bad it was about 24 hours too late.

Testimony

I just got back from the Bo Diddley show, wherein I witnessed (among many other things,) a 74 year old man sing a 12-15 minute long song about how he was going to "do a pretty lady right"… all night long. And the women swooned and the men applauded. It was like one gigantic Viagra ad.

I couldn't help but think that children should not have been allowed.

Doing the best I can with what I got.

I’m afraid I don’t have much good news to report (sigh.) I was chastised earlier by Ninja for not being up lifting enough. It’s hard to be up lifting when the biggest local news story is two bodies found in a house in south Bakersfield today. The last time I tried to make light of a murder I got my butt reamed by his angry cousin. I can’t please all of the people all of the time and I ain’t gonna try and start here.

Here’s some sorta good news. A judge has FINALLY dismissed Vincent Brother’s attorney from the case because he was sick and tired of his lame ass excuses. Yesterday was the fourth hearing scheduled for Brother’s arraignment. Not the trial. The arraignment! Defense Attorney Kevin Little’s excuses for wanting to postpone it again were that he needed time to prepare. I’m sorry, but does he sound a like Jr. High school student to anyone else? So far his excuses have been, I don’t feel good, I’ve got family issues, and (my favorite) It’s not fair !

Okay, there is something else we could talk about. There’s a small article in the paper today about a man who is on life support after, “he became involved in an altercation with staff at the Kern County jail after his arrest on Monday.” REALLY? That’s interesting cuz a journalist friend of mine just happened to have emailed me this interesting little article. It would be fascinating to find out the number of deaths of people during or following police custody in Kern County, wouldn’t it? Why doesn’t someone work on that and get back to me.

Meanwhile, I’m leaving to go see the Bo Diddley show at CSUB. Yeah baby! And on an even more light hearted note (just for Ninja’s sake) I spent the day eating bologna sandwiches and playing Frisbee in the park with my son, which is why my news update is so late.

I’ll be at Pismo Beach tomorrow, which is pretty much where everybody in Bakersfield goes the weekend before school starts. So I guess I'll see y’all there!

Hitting the Highs and the Lows

A fifteen-year-old boy was found dead on the side walk Wednesday night in South Bakersfield. According to the article in the paper, Princess Bedford, also fifteen, was walking to church when she spotted her cousin laying in the street with a gunshot to his head. Geez – how awful. Police suspect the shooting was gang related because someone walking with the boy returned fire to the men in the drive by. A few blocks away they found the car, “riddled in bullet holes,” and the driver who was considerably less riddled.

-----------

A very clever arsonist set fire to the playground equipment at Almondale Park in Northwest Bakersfield. The children’s toys went up in flames this past weekend and oddly enough, there is no sign of how the fire started. The fire is particularly unusual considering the, “equipment is made of the most up-to-date – and safe – materials.” The thing I can’t figure out is what this guy had against the kids in the neighborhood. They’ve been waiting for years for the city to finish the park and now – pouf – it’s gone.
I think we’d better keep our doors locked extra tight this Christmas.

-----------

Bakersfield has a new smash and grab burglar downtown. For the past three days he’s been smashing windows at jewelry stores and pawnshops, and getting away with thousands in jewelry. Either he has a VERY demanding wife with an unhealthy obsession for jewels, or he’s planning on trading the loot off for some cash.

-----------

A 50 something woman spotted a crazy man hitting her dogs in the yard yesterday afternoon so she and her husband went out to tell him to stop. Instead the man hit her husband with the heavy belt. The woman returned with a rifle and shot two warning shots into the air hoping to scare the man off. Apparently he was still undeterred, so she shot him in the leg. According to the paper, “The man was not slowed by the shot in the thigh because he may have been high on PCP.” The found the man by the side of the house. I don’t know what he was on, but if getting shot in the thigh didn’t slow him down, it must have been something good.

-----------

Thousands of grubby little skater dude got a thrill yesterday when legendary Tony Hawk showed up in town and put on a show in front of Copeland’s on Ming Ave. (okay – they’re not all grubby.) Reporters estimated there were close to 4,000 people standing in the 99° heat trying to catch a glimpse of the skateboard star twirling in the air, which probably means only 1,000 actually did.

Back to LaLaLand

I’m taking my son back to UCLA today to talk to the Ophthalmologist about having a cornea transplant. Paul has decided he doesn’t want the surgery now and would prefer to remain half blind until he’s in his twenties when he thinks he will have considerably less going on in his life and therefore more willing to undergo the transplant. Needless to say, I don’t really agree. Nevertheless, all I really want is what is best for Paul and I will rely upon the doctor’s advice to decide what that is.

Personally I think he’s freaked out and scared (as am I) and doesn’t want to deal with it so he’s behaving a like a typical teenager and pretending it’s no big deal. It wouldn’t be a big deal if we knew he was only going to go blind in one eye, but the fact that we know it will eventually happen in both eyes kind of makes it a BIG deal. I want to fix this eye before the other one starts to go bad. It doesn’t make sense to me to wait until he can’t see out of either eye.

Of course I would prefer that he didn’t have to have the surgery at all. I still can’t believe my son has Keratoconus. How could he have a genetic disease I have NEVER heard of? It doesn’t make sense. Paul has always been very healthy. When he was little he would get high fevers sometimes that would last for days. That really freaked me out. But other than that he was fine. He ate apples like they were going out of style; all the way down to the very core. I used to find thin strips of nothing more than a stem and some seeds all over the house. I’m pretty sure all those apples were part of the reason he was so healthy.

Looking back I can’t help but wish I gave him carrots instead.

Cinema to Go!

A former Bakersfieldian and current Austinite sent me an email yesterday to give the heads up about a show coming to town. The Rolling Roadshow is heading for Kern County. They’re going to show North by Northwest at the Shafter airport near the spot where Cary Grant runs from the plane. The film is going to be shown outside and they’re going have real crop dusters “buzzing over the crowd” before the screening. That all sounds fun and stuff, but I’d like to know how they’re going to be able to watch the film after their eyes are full of dirt from those damn planes. I hope they have plenty of Visine on hand.

The fact that The Rolling Roadshow is coming here isn’t too much of a surprise. You can read the story about how they got there start here.

Will the REAL Baketown please stand up!

I am completely freaked out. As I was glancing through the paper just now I noticed they had printed some of the comments people had made on the Talk of the Town blog. The question was “How high do gas prices have to go to get you out of your car?” And SOMEONE – someone who is not ME – used MY NAME to psot the following comment:

I wish those drivers in big Ford truck and super big SUV would not be so aggressive in tailgating me. I drive the speed limit. When the light turn from red to green give me 3 extra second to get up to speed -- I do not want to ramp up my enginer. When the light half a block distance just turned red just coast down and do not step on the gas. These drivers are getting on my nerves. To put it on the extreme side -- these are rude driving behavior and post road safety to others. Remember -- I have very good attorney and they will sue the pants out of you (and your shirt too).

What the hell? I did not write this! It doesn’t even sound like me. I don’t have a lawyer, I have never threatened to sue anyone in my LIFE and I NEVER drive the speed limit. I have a paper trail a mile long of speeding tickets. PLUS it doesn’t even address the question.

So now I’ve got some lame ass hater going around using my name and posting stupid comments. Great. I suggest all of you email the idiot and tell him what an ass he is. (If you click on the name it takes you to an email address THAT IS NOT MINE!)

Houdini on the Loose

The cops sent another idiot to the hospital yesterday after shooting him several times. (Obviously this guy is not from around here.) After being stopped for speeding and weaving, Victor Hernandez of Livermore, (see!) was hand cuffed and placed in the CHP patrol car. Then presto changeo, he moved his cuffed hands from the back to the front (ow!!) then got in the driver’s seat and proceeded to try and mow the officer over. Naturally the cop shot him. Apparently the booze was really working cuz the bullet holes didn’t bother him at all. He kept right on going.

About four miles away Hernandez lost control of the cruiser and flipped it. Still undeterred he got out of the car and tried to make a run for it. That’s when his body stepped in and said, “Hello! You’re drunk and you’ve been shot! You need to lie down.” He was found a short distance away.

Interestingly enough, they did not release the name of the officer involved in the shooting like they usually do. I imagine he’s a little embarrassed about having his car stolen by some drunk guy.

Chili Cheese Envy

I woke up this morning dreaming about chili cheese fries. Always a woman to follow her heart, I got dressed and got in the car to go get me some chili cheese fries. It was 10:30 a.m.

At first I was going to go to Wienerschnitzel cuz I’ve had their chili cheese fries and they’re GOOD, but then I realized Sonic was a lot closer and I figured their chili cheese fries were probably good too, so I went there. Then, as I was parked in the little stall with my car engine turned off, I noticed I could get chili cheese TOTS instead of chili cheese fries and I thought to myself, “Oooooo, I want that!” So I ordered a LARGE chili cheese tots, and a LARGE cherry lime aide, and then I came home to delight in my gluttony.

You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered that my tots were in sufficiently drenched in both chili AND cheese. I should have gone to Wienershchnitzel.

What the...?

Its 12:30 a.m. and I was awoken by the sound of rain, thunder, and lightening. How strange.

I hope this doesn't mean it's going to be humid. Ugh.

Conservative? Bako? Noooo!!!

The front page of The Bakersfield Californian today proudly proclaims, “Bakersfield leads call of the right.” According to a study recently released Bakersfield is the 8th most conservative city in the United States. The article says that we, “earned the top conservative spot in California, out flanking Orange…” Yeah, we earned it all right. Just like how we earned the top spot for having the worst air in the valley. Let’s see, what else is there? Biggest witch hunt. Sleaziest public officials. Least educated. Yeah, Bakersfield has a lot to proud of.

Interestingly enough on the Californian’s blog where they asked people to respond to the question “are we proud of being conservative” there seemed to be more liberals commenting than conservatives. Of course there was still plenty of the obligatory Bible quoting and comments like, “If you hate Bakersfield so much, maybe you should move to a Communist county.” (Brilliant.) There were 97 comments in all, so obviously a lot of people have an opinion on whether being labeled “most conservative” is a compliment or not.

My mom is disappointed and I’m probably going to give my brother a heart attack right now, but as far as I’m concerned the only answer that makes sense is HELL NO!!

Warning

I am not going to do much posting (if any) for the next couple of days cuz my computer just took a dump on me – again. I’m using another pc right now.

I seriously need to just junk the damn thing and buy a new one.

One Year Old

Today is the one year annvirthday of my blog. I say that because it’s not quite an anniversary, and not quite a birthday. I’m not sure what it is, but it definitely is the day I started something that changed my life.

I had no idea what I was doing when I started Bake Town; if you go back through the archives that fact will become painfully aware. I think I just wanted my friend Amy in NY to stop nagging me to start a blog about Bakersfield. I know more now than I did then, but that’s largely due to my attendance at the Blogher convention. (Which, by the way, I have now officially added to my long list of posts I never finished.)

So… how has blogging changed my life? Number one would have to be my mother now knows every thing that I do and say (including words like ass and damn.) Number two would have to be that people refer to me as Bake Town when they see me, or don’t know who I am UNLESS I am referred to as Bake Town. (Weird.) Number three is all the wonderful new people and friends I have made because of this silly little blog. So many people have written to me with kind words – people I don’t know and will probably never meet – it is really heart warming. Then there are all the amazing people I met at Blogher. They are truly inspiring. And last but not least, the number four way blogging has changed my life is I got a job from it. Instead of being Dooced, I was offered a job. I don’t talk about what I do, and I’m not going to start now, but I will tell you I kept my job and accepted a part time position at the new place, so now I have two jobs (which is why I now find it so hard to post all day everyday.)

So, thanks to all loyal readers and to all the people who comment and email. If it weren’t for you I would have given up long ago. Happy Annvirtday!!

Blog Depression

Thanks for the heads up on this one Ken. It's good to know I'm not alone.

Get Out & Go Inside!!!

I have a suggestion that I believe has the potential to make a huge difference in the air quality in Bakersfield. I think they should make it illegal for more than two people per car to order food in the drive through. If you’re planning on ordering enough for an army and you KNOW it’s going to take a while for your order to be filled, park your car, get your lazy ass inside and place your order at the counter.

I can not tell you how many times I have pulled up to a drive through, placed my order for one bean burrito, taken my place behind a car and proceeded to sit there idling for the next twenty minutes. By the time the workers inside have shoveled over the multiple bags of food, and gallons of jumbo-sized sodas, there are a dozen cars in line behind me. If it’s legal to do that, then it should also be legal for me to get out of my car and beat the crap out of the offender. Fair’s fair.

Here’s a great example. Just a couple of weeks ago was heading out of town to attend the Blogher conference and I needed to run a few quick errands first. After leaving the car wash I was driving past Sonic and decided a cherry-limeade sounded good, so I pulled into the drive through. Keep in mind Sonic has those little stalls you can pull your car into to order and turn the car off. So in my mind, the only people using the drive through would be people with quick, simple orders like mine. One medium cherry-limeade. That’s it.

I pull up to the window and find a beat down VW Jetta in front of me. Inside were two white trash men, missing teeth, oily hair, wife beaters, and all. As the girl working inside poked her head out to collect their cash, the men appeared to be smitten and began to chat with her. I decided this was a great opportunity for me to practice acceptance and used the time to tidy up the inside of my car.

After about five minutes I looked up and saw the girl passing a large bag to the men. “Okay,” I thought, “now they’ll go.” Nope. The car continued to sit there. By this time another car had pulled up behind me. For next five minutes I watched the men talking away in the car. Finally the girl passed them a couple of large sodas and again I thought, “Okay, NOW they’ll go.” Nope.

By this time I was mad. I glared at the window looking to make eye contact with the girl and resisting the urge to honk my horn. Another five minutes passed. The girl appeared again, this time with an ice cream dessert of some sort. At last she looked at me. Not with an apologetic look but more with a look of wondering how pissed off I was. She quickly returned inside. The men in the car continued to sit there. One of them began to eat. I could not imagine what else they had coming, but after sitting there for almost 20 minutes I wasn’t going to sit around and find out. I backed up, managed to get out from between the two cars, and peeled out, hanging a big, fat bird out the window.

Not only would limiting the amount people can order in a drive through be good for the environment, it would also do wonders for my blood pressure.

The ONE that didn't get away!

Despite the fact that the paper has been full of stories about high-speed chases, people being found stabbed, people being run over, and disappearing in the river, it appears the local police are bored. Why else would, “nearly every officer in town” spend almost two hours trying to capture one guy? The suspect, 43 year-old Rodney Parker, robbed a Shell station in Oildale early Wednesday morning. He threatened to have gun. Then he went to Rock-n-Rodeo. Doesn’t really sound like a dangerous criminal to me.

After Parker was spotted running near the award winning country disco the cops set up a perimeter and began to search. They looked high and they looked low. Twenty peace officers. BPD & KC Sheriffs both. The paper news described them as being “covered in dirt” from climbing over fences and equipment in the area. One of them hurt his knee while attempting to jump over a fence. All in an effort to find one bad guy – and find them they did. It’s a good thing there weren’t any other crimes being committed while they were busy searching for Parker.

I feel SO much safer now.

My blog is bigger than I am

I ran into a friend who works for The Bakersfield Californian yesterday. I had stopped into Dagny’s for some teac on my way to the salon. My friend was with some co-workers and after greeting me she turned to introduce me to the women with her. “This is Ginger Moorehouse” she said to me. “Oh yes!” I said recognizing the name, “It’s very nice to meet you.” (For those of you who don’t know, she is the owner of the local paper.) Then my friend turned to Ginger and said, “This is So-n-so!” as if she should recognize my name. Ginger looked confused. “Bake Town,” she added. “Oh yes!” Ginger said excitedly, “Bake Town! It’s very nice to meet you. I enjoy your blog!”

THAT is too funny.

Cough, Cough, Cough

Everybody knows Bakersfield has bad air, but what we didn’t know is that there’s really not much being done about it. The Californian ran an article today describing how, “Locals have let millions of regional air quality grant dollars flow to counties other than Kern.” How did we do this? By doing nothing. Instead of actively applying for federal grants, Kern businesses and agencies have stood around with a thumb up the butt pretending not to notice the thick, brown cloud over head. It turns out Fresno has been getting most of the money because they went through the trouble to ASK FOR IT.

Now, I hate it when people try to lump people together and label them (except when I do it of course) but really, this is bad. Bakersfield is like one giant, collective dumb ass. The preferred way to handle problems around here is to ignore them and hope they go away. Either that or they just don’t really give a damn. Unfortunately, I think it may be the latter. So, thanks to ignorance, stupidity, and apathy, Bakersfield now has the distinction of having the worst air in the state.

We may as well just all take up smoking.

Downtown Development

I heard a while back that the city of Bakersfield was planning on building a bunch of “cottages” across the street from Central Park for small families priced out of the real estate market. I found the idea interesting and I have taken to driving past the area to monitor the progress. In my minds eye I pictured something like the cottage style apartments downtown; several small structures gathered around a central courtyard. That’s not what happened.

The cottages being built are narrow, two-story, “craftsman” style homes that are lined up, San Francisco style, with little more than a few feet between them. No yard to speak of. Yuck. They look pleasant enough, but they’re really nothing more than glorified condos. Nevertheless, according to an article in the paper, there is a waiting list with more than 200 people on it. They have yet to announce how much the homes will be selling for.

Given the area that these homes are being built, it will be interesting to see how this project develops.

God Bless

I didn’t make it to Pete’s funeral OR the funeral for Army Pfc. Ramon Villatoro, Jr yesterday because I am a horrible, horrible person. (Translated that means, I REALLY HATE going to funerals and will do ANYTHING to avoid them.) Luckily there are others out there with bigger hearts than mine. Joanne and Kristen left a comment on my post about Pete yesterday saying that he had a lovely service. I am glad.

The funeral for Ramon Villatoro Jr. was also completed with out incident. The hate group that had promised to show up and protest the event never showed up. Maybe they found some innocent people closer to home to terrorize. The community did, however, show up; in support of the family and of the life that was given for our country. According to an article in the paper, hundreds of people gathered outside the church and along the route to the cemetery more people lined the highway carrying signs and flags. Bakersfield at its best.

My heart goes out to both families and I wish them all the best.

Monsters do exist

I am SO never going to swim in ANY river EVER again.

A Quick Audio-Visual Tour of Blogher.

Say what you want about the air in Bakersfield – this is the view as I entered San Jose. Looks like the same brown haze to me.



These were some of the first people I met at the conference. The blond on the left is an anonymous blogger, so I had to cut her out. Let’s just say, she came a long way. Next to her is an older woman whose name I can’t remember and across from her is her husband who I dubbed Amish guy. (Neither of them have blogs, so I'm not sure why they were there.) On the back on the right is Jarah, editor and publisher of Fresno Famous and a very lovely person.



This is a picture of Dooce eating chips and salsa sitting at the very same table I was. I tried to maintain my cool and not stare, but it was hard not to. Stupid Ken got the best seat in the house RIGHT ACROSS FROM HER!



This is the comic they hired to entertain us after dinner the first night. She was pretty funny, but would have been a whole lot funnier if she hadn’t seemed a bit uptight and slightly bitchy.



Here we are waiting for the shuttle to come get us and take us back to the hotel. Dooce is in the yellow shirt and Ken is in the foreground trying to not look like a stalker.



This is Real Kato himself enjoying a Grey Goose Martini Friday night after the dinner. If I remember correctly, this was his first of many.



Saturday morning, as we gathered in the main room to begin the day, they played videos of Shania Twain and Sheryl Crow to entertain us. The trouble was, they had the sound turned ALL THE WAY UP AND THE WHOLE THING SEEMED TOTALLY OBXIOUS!!!



This is the "How to get naked" session, and that is Koan, Ronni, and teeny, tiny sliver of Dooce. Needlesss to say, I did not have the best seat in the house. Guess who did? That’s right – Ken Kato Stalker Extraordinaire.



After the conference was over and all the fun had ended, Ken spotted this little scene on our way out. I thought it was pretty funny.



At the hotel bar after the conference Jenn sells her soul to the devil and tries to convince the rest of us to join her in the bowels of hell. Ken looks on happily; ready to go any where.



Matthew, Elizabeth and Meghan, just a few of the wonderful people I met.



Jenny, Jelly & Jenn – these women are crazy.

And finally, the bit of audio just above this post is something I recorded at some point during the night. I think I was actually trying to take a picture. (I tried to cut and paste it down here at the bottom but it didn't work.)

Which do you want to hear first?

The good news is county supervisors passed the ordinance making it illegal to visibly store more than one inoperable vehicle. Starting next month, you can have all the junk you want, it just needs to be out of sight.

The bad news is it’s not going be nearly as entertaining to drive around Oildale anymore.

Another quick post on my recent trip.

When I got into my hotel room, the first thing I did, naturally, was investigate. I checked out the “Refreshment Center,” which included a tiny can of “Jumbo Cashews” for $7.50, and a $2.75 can of Sprite. I was hungry, but not THAT hungry. Next I visited the restroom where I found a small “shaving” mirror attached to the wall and basically RIGHT IN MY FACE. I looked at for minute, thinking maybe I could flip it over and move it somehow so I could look at the back of my head. When I realized I could not I peered into the mirror, then yelped and jumped back.

The magnification on that thing must have been times a million. I could see every pore, every hair, every bump, every blackhead, I never knew I had. I immediately reached for my tweezers, but found none. Then I began to try and dig out a black head which apparently had been with me since the 80’s. Once I got it out and saw the giant red blotch I had created I decided to never look into that mirror again. If fact, I decided, I would avoid the bathroom all together.

I used the toilet in the hotel lobby.

It's a sick, sad world afterall.

I was just watching the news when I saw something I could not believe I was seeing. A radical homosexual hate group from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas is planning to protest the funeral of a local man this Saturday in Bakersfield. Army Pfc. Ramon Villatoro, Jr was recently killed in Iraq. Because he is a homosexual, the group has published a statement on their website thanking God for “Improvised Explosive Devices” and announcing their plan to picket the funeral of this fallen solider. They also claim that “God has become American’s Terrorist, killing Americans in strange lands” and thanking God for the recent bombings in London. If this doesn’t make you want to throw up, I don’t know what would. It is truly the sickest thing I have heard of in a very long time.

The local media is calling on members of the community who wish to show support for this family to attend the funeral. Apparently, not only do these wackos protest, they do so aggressively in the hopes of sparking a confrontation, which they can then use as evidence to sue, and further fund their trips of terror. People are being asked to walk past the protestors in silent objection to every thing they stand for.

It will be interesting to see if Kern High School board member Chad Vegas shows up.

[UPDATE:] Army Pfc. Ramon Villatoro, Jr WAS NOT GAY. The W.B.C. are claiming he was punished by God because their church was bombed by "terrorists" for being anti-gay, and THIS is God's revenge.

R.I.P.

I usually just glace at the obituaries as I pour through the local section looking for something interesting to blog about. I’m only 37 after all, I don’t really expect to see people I know in there. Today I did. Today I saw an obituary for Peter Thomas Williams. Oh.My.God.

I went to high school with Pete. I had a crush on Pete! Pete was a really nice guy and a great musician! I loved his Pete Will band. I used to run into him all the time and we would talk and talk. Oh.My.God. How awful! And how very, very sad.

The obit doesn’t say how he died, and I know most of them don’t, but that bugs me! I want to know what happened! He was only 36 for goodness sake.Good lord. Maybe I do need to start paying more attention to the obits.

A memorial service is scheduled for this Saturday at Greenlawn.

Brief News Briefs

I’m in the middle of some new “training” for the next few days, which is keeping me away from my computer and blogability. This is SO frustrating.

Just use your imagination…Another kid was killed in an another drive by in the same neighborhood where someone else was killed recently. (Namely, Gangland, U.S.A.) Bruce Sons is STILL on trial for killing that cop, and if you thought the temperature was hot before – you better look out cuz this it’s about to get a lot hotter out there. Ugh. This must be our punishment for having such nice weather in June.

One news story that does stand out lately is all about the pretty, smart, popular ex-cheerleader, soon to be college co-ed, who died after driving off the bluffs recently. Grizzly. Actually, her boyfriend was driving, and he survived. Unfortunately, Yvonne Burch was not so lucky. Police are still investigating the cause of the accident.

Oh yeah, and remember how the D.A.’s office spent ALL that money to find and capture Jeremy Sons? Well it turns out he don’t know nuttin’. (Shocking.) Jeremy claims he has no memory of the gun battle that happened right in front of his eyes and for which he spent tens years in jail. (Boy, that’s strange, cuz I wasn’t even there and I remember it like it was yesterday.) Of course his lack of memory didn’t persuade a local judge to release him. He ordered him to stay in jail for the next two months so he can testify at his ex-step father’s trial. (Ex-step father…that sounds like a very close relationship, doesn’t it?) Let’s see…Jeremy served his time, was released, then hunted down like a dog, and now locked up, all so he can continue to be a hostile witness and provide no new information. It’s brilliant!!

Too bad they can't just make stuff up like they did in the first trial.

I wish I had read this BEFORE I went.

Check this out – I had one of my posts picked up and posted on another one of those BIG time blogs, Hotel Chatter. How cool is that? Thanks Amy!

And congratulations on your mention in Forbes magazine for your New Yorkology Travel blog. You rock!

Old News is Not so Good News

Catching up on some of the stuff that went on while I was away...

The police arrested a suspect in the shooting of a man passing through town a couple of weeks ago. They believe Ted Blackman, a known gang member, walked up and shot Damon Moore as he slept in a car traveling to Las Vegas. He didn’t know him and didn’t have any reason to kill him. He just felt like it I guess. I hope Moore enjoys life behind bars as much as he does taking innocent lives.

------------

One man tried to rob another last week in Oildale by walking up to him as he stood at an ATM machine. The robber told the man to give him his ATM card and his PIN number. Apparently the man told the robber to F-off, and that’s when he pulled out a gun and shot him – in the wrist. Then he ran away. This is exactly the type of tweeked out thief you’re likely to meet in Oildale.

------------

You know you’re living in a small town when… the two biggest stories on the front page of the paper are “Bakersfield’s dreams of new beltways closer to coming true” and “Robinsons-May store to close in Bakersfield.”

For all the talk of maybe someday talking about building a new “beltway” around here, somebody failed to mention the possibility of, “a massive transportation bill expected to receive Congressional passage” last week. Now there is suddenly talk of all kinds of massive projects like, “the downtown Centennial Corridor Loop.” What the hell is that? They want to build some giant loop-de-lu across downtown to connect the east-west corridor. It’s not that I don’t think there needs to be improvements, but I would hate to see some kind of massive concrete structure looming over the quaint historic homes of downtown Bakersfield.

------------

The cops killed another suspect last week after he tried to escape following a 100 mph car chase. Shane Walton, suspected of car jacking, two armed robberies and attempted kidnapping, jumped out of his car at the Kern River Parkway near Manor and tried to make a run for it. Silly, silly man. I guess he doesn’t read my blog. If he did he would have known you should never…neva, neva, neva, neva – run from the cops in Bakersfield. They will shoot you and you will die. The best part of this story is that not only did they kill another suspect BUT they also arrested his partner (still sitting in the car wetting his pants) and charged HIM with the murder of his buddy. Bakersfield P.D. lives on.

------------

A rather unsettling article in last Sunday’ paper reported that, “People get shot all over town…” Following up on two shooting incidents in East Bakersfield last week, reporters apparently interviewed neighbors to ask them if they felt safe. The responses ran along the lines of, “…I don’t worry about it…You got crazy people all over,” to “I feel safe here, sort of.” And what’s Bakersfield’s new ad slogan again? “Bakersfield, Life As It Should Be.” Right. If this is how life is how it should be, we should all just end it all now.

------------

Speaking of people getting “shot all over town,” a seven year old girl was shot this weekend WHILE PLAYING IN A SPRAY PARK. Apparently while children danced beneath cool water, a gang war erupted at Jefferson Park and a stray bullet caught the girl in the ankle. Ahh yes, Life As It Should Be…

Here's my cheat sheet.

Evybudy’s all up in my grill for not posting more on the BlogHer conference. Damn! CHILL peepul! I’s got bidness to take care of.

Istead, check out some of the delightful people I met and see what they have to say instead. (Code for - I’ll steal their work and go park my ass on the couch.)

Introducing:

Everyday Goodess - smoking hot.

Jelly - too funny for words.

Jenn - coolest chick ever

Elizabeth - biggest sweatheart.

Meghan - the beautiful.

Jenny - also too funny for words.

And of course...

Ken Kato - the man of the hour.

That's not to say there were not many other lovely, funny, talented, people that belong on this list - there are! I just got real bad at taking notes after awhile.

Foot Fetish

One of the live bloggers last Saturday was running around taking pictures of people's feet.
Can you guess which set is mine?

Reflections

After thinking about it for a few days, I decided the reason the BlogHer conference was so great was because everyone there was so into it. Everybody seemed to have an innate appreciation and respect for each other. One of the bloggers sitting at my table turned to me at one point and said, “I feel like I’m with my people.” I would say I felt the same but then, Dooce was sitting a few feet away, and she is so WAY out of my league.

The intelligence of the women around me, and their ability to articulate their ideas was astounding. I was very impressed with the strength and conviction that each person spoke with and it made realize something I had not before. I am a part of something huge, and powerful, and wonderful. I had never thought about it that way before. If used correctly, these blogs, this amazing new tool, has the power to change the world.

One day at a time.

A New Chapter

Today I said goodbye to one of my very dearest friends. For the past eight years Val has been the person that I turned to. To talk, to advise, and to confess. The funny thing is, we only had a few things in common. She comes from a large Mormon family in Utah and I come a small Christian family from Texas. She likes to run, lift weights, and exercise. I go out of my way to avoid such activities. I like to read, garden, cook, and play around on my computer. She goes out of her way to avoid such activities. Nonetheless, not long after we met we became close. She would share with me the most intimate details of her life, and I would do the same. We were polar opposites – but we balanced each other.

She became the person I would turn to when I was most desperate. And I became the person she called when she was falling apart. And we grew. And we made each other strong.

Now she’s gone. Although I know it is for the best and that the distance will not change our bond, I feel sad. Scared, really. What will I do without her? How will she do with out me?

She’s moving back to Utah to marry a Mormon man she met in May. I tell her she’s being called home to the mother ship. She laughs and ignores me.

I’m happy for her, and sad for me. But maybe, really this is just what we needed to do.

Gettin' Geeky

I have always been sort of “slow” when it comes to “techie” stuff. I mean, I know how to use them, but I’m very slow to replace things with newer and better devices. I pretty much wait until what it ever it is I’m using falls apart and then I replace it. Kind of like my men. But after spending the weekend amongst all the wonderfully geeky women and men at Blogher, and after learning I had won a fantastic new phone from Nokia, I decided it was time to make an upgrade. I bought a mouse. Not that I didn’t have a mouse already of course, but it was really a cheap piece of crap. I was constantly straining to make the mouse go where I wanted it to, and was forever struggling to click on links. Today I changed all that.

I went to Comp USA and bought a $49.00 Wireless Intellimouse on sale for only 20 bucks. Yeah baby.

Road Trippin'

Leaving town Friday to drive to Santa Clara turned out to be a bitch and a half. I won’t go into it, cuz it really belongs on another post but I will say I left town much later, and MUCH tenser than I had expected to. It was around 11:45 a.m when I exited Stockdale Hwy and merged onto the interstate.

The I-5 was hell. SO many people park their cars in the left/fast/passing lane and then go to sleep, or stick their head up their butts, or WHATEVER – it’s scary. I almost envy them. Sometimes I wish I had the ability to forget the world around me and ONLY think about myself. I already knew there was a huge crack down going on by the CHP, and me, being the almost old (no longer crazy - mostly) person that I am, decided I would set my cruise control at 80 and coast my way north. The speed limit is 70 so I figured I would make good time while still flying under the radar.

Unfortunately, I found that simple endeavor to be impossible. Some cars were driving too fast, some cars where driving too slow, some semi’s tried to pass other semi’s - which really screwed everything up. What a nightmare. The highlight of the voyage was when a semi full of tomatoes almost took me out by merging into my lane even though I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO IT!!!

Then there was the fact that the ONLY directions I had were printed out from Mapquest. This might sound all good, but I had in the past followed directions from Mapquest (with an equally intelligent woman in the car with me) and ended up in the middle of no where. Let’s just say, I was not confident with the information I was operating off of.

Nonetheless, I made it to the junction necessary to head west – the 152 (a.k.a A Scenic Highway.) (b.t.w. there was talk after the conference about how So. Cal. people say “THE” whatever, whatever, when referring to highways and interstates, and No. Cal. people just say the number.) Keep in mind I have yet to stop for gas, or to pee, or for food. My ass was numb.

I headed west, singing full throttle to Billy’s Joel’s “Piano Man” and enjoying the Ipod I won from Bakotopia. At first it was pleasant. Peaceful even. But then, for whatever reason, I began to feel tense. I started sweating. Sweating like a whore in church. The entire journey seemed like an obstacle course. A course I was definitely NOT in shape to complete.

I gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles and tried to breathe deep, slow breathes. I changed my iPod to George Harrison’s “All Things Must Pass.” I imagined doing yoga, peaceful, green valley’s, and a cool lake with gentle waves lapping ashore. It helped. But mostly I just held on and hoped for the best.

After what seemed like hours I found myself on the (sorry – just ON) 101 north towards San Jose and San Francisco. Cool. I knew I was close. Traffic was sorta heavy and I seriously needed to pee. “You can make it,” I thought to myself, and soldiered on. A few times there were “decisions” that had to be made regarding which way to go, that had NOT been alerted to me by Mapquest. So I used my keen intellect, natural propensity for direction, and basic common sense, to guide me. If I just stayed on (THE) 101 north, I would naturally…eventually…FINALLY, happen upon my destination. RIGHT? I guess so.

Driving in L.A. I can handle. Being from Bakersfield, I consider myself sort of a So. Cal. Girl. At the very least I have more experience driving in L.A. Driving in the Bay Area, however is, with out a doubt, hell on wheels. I don’t know where I’m going and everything is unfamiliar. I hate it.

Traffic was heavy and I was tired. I had not stopped driving for almost four hours and was still coming down from the perspiration induced, desperately focused, haze I was in. I just wanted to find my hotel and lay down. I kept looking for signs to that said SOMETHING about Santa Clara on them. I saw none. There were signs for San Jose, and San Francisco, and even Santa Cruz, but not one for Santa Clara. The fear that I might be lost started creeping into the back of my mind. I hate that feeling.

Right about the time I was ready to pull off and confirm my direction, I saw a sign. “Santa Clara – Next four exits.” I have never been so happy to read a traffic sign. I pulled off the highway and parked my car with out incident, but as I began to walk toward the hotel, I noticed another obstacle.

Four or five people were standing in front of the entrance handing out fliers and yelling at the people walking inside. They said The Westin was evil and that we should not stay there support such a bad company. One woman was really screaming at another who apparently had mouthed off to her. I was tense already – walking into to a pack of screaming protesters was the last thing I wanted to do. I kept my head down and politely accepted the flier as it was handed to me. Luckily, I did not get yelled at.

When I FINALLY got inside and laid down on my bed, I pulled out the flier to read it. It said that, “The Westin Santa Clara is under a strict boycott by local, community, faith, labor & student groups.” Then it went on to describe all the atrocities the company has committed against the people who work there. It may have been a bunch of B.S., but it made me feel bad. I don’t like crossing picket lines, but I sure as hell was not going to get back into my car and look for another hotel.

I think because I worked as a waitress in high school and in college, I have a certain appreciation of people who take of others needs. Recently when my friend Amy from NY was here visiting her family, we out to dinner at Bill Lee’s. When the check came, (much to my chagrin) she insisted on paying the bill. “You’re the one who taught me how important it is to tip well” she said, “when we were in high school. That’s come in really handy living in New York.” I didn’t remember the incident but apparently we had gone to a Denny’s or something late one weekend and, being in high school, naturally we didn’t have a lot of money. There was talk of not tipping, or at least not very much, and I guess I freaked out and gave them all a lecture on how important it is to tip. And tip well. It is – and you should.

Okay – back to the story… I didn’t go to another hotel, but I did purchase a can of Ajax and scrubbed out the toilet, bathtub and sink. (crickets chirping) Okay, I didn’t really do that either, but I did think about it. Instead I felt a tip with a note on my bed saying “PLEASE DON’T CLEAN MY ROOM. I AM USED TO LIVING IN A PIG STY!” When I returned nothing was touched.

I still have yet to give y’all my take on the Blogher conference, other than I thought it was amazingly, wonderful and far superceded my expectations. I am still working on that post. I will say that my return home was a breeze there were no complications whatsoever.

Even on the Pacheco Pass.

This phone is smarter than I am.

All the stars and planets must be in alignment for me right now cuz I’ve NEVER been this lucky before. First I won an iPod a few months ago from Bakotopia and now, NOW I’ve won a new camera phone from Nokia!!! It’s a Nokia 6680 Imaging Smartphone and it is SO new it’s not even AVAILABLE for purchase right now! I had to change my panties after I heard the news.

As if the Blogher conference wasn’t the BEST thing ever already! It just got a whole lot better for me! One of the sessions was on Moblogging, using your mobile phone to blog, and it was sponsored by Nokia. I was thinking about going to the journalism session, but it was really full and was more interested in learning about using my camera phone and Flicker. There were some technical difficulties, but the moderators, Debi Jones and Barb Dybawad, did a good job of sharing the information with us anyway. As we were leaving Debi told us all to email her and the 6^th person’s email would be the winner. Me, being one of the few people NOT in poessession of a laptop and thinking I probably wouldn’t be able to email her until I got home, I figured - why bother? Then again, Google did have stations set up so people could get online and I did check my email while I was there, so I guess I’m really just an idiot.

A very lucky idiot – with a cool new phone! Thanks Debi and NOKIA!!!

Welcome Friends

I’ve always believed in the give and take of the blogosphere, but after this weekend I believe in it even more. The RESPECT that was shown and shared by the people at the Blogher conference was amazing. So, it is with great pleasure that I am adding a link to Danielle Belton – the local entertainment reporter for The Californian.

She is THE woman who really knows what’s going on in town.